I don't know what this says about me

We had a mutual friend over today and my boyfriend snapped at me.

I didn't even notice it because tbh I'm so numb to aggression in any form it just doesn't register anymore.

But our friend called my partner out on how he's never seen him be that aggressive with any of his partners before.

And it's brought up an old wound and deep insecurity of mine.

I quite often feel like I am the person who destroys people. Even though I don't do anything. People just naturally hate me or get destroyed by me. Their shine dims and I ruin them by existing.

I know, logically that's not the case. I know, logically, that I am not single handedly responsible for all the bad things in the world.

But I often feel like I am a curse on humanity and that if I didn't exist, the world would be so much better off.

I'm not suicidal or anything.

I just feel like under the surface I shouldn't have existed in the first place. I was not meant to survive here and yet I have.

My own mother changed after giving birth to me. My father has confirmed it.

I've been told over and over by people who should have loved me that I am a mistake and I am the reason they spiral.

So what else am I supposed to think?