The Big Blue Bunny Hole

So yeah, last night I got my new journal up and stuff. So this journal is now gonna stop being updated. My new journal is friends only. I added most of the people from this journal to that journal. No offense meant to those of you that didn't get on there, I'm just not as connected to you *shrug*. I'm not going to publically post my new journal address. It's not like my new journal is a huge secret, I just don't want some people seeing it is all.

Signing off of this name,
Jeremy

PS, I want to be your dog.

So yesterday not five minutes after I posted that long diatrabe about Lacy and Ashliegh and how friends suck and how I wanted to say happy birthday to Lacy but wouldn't, I got IMed by Lacy. And that turned into a chat between Lacy, Ashliegh, and I. I just don't wanna talk to them anymore. But I can't just tell them that. It sucks. I wanna be friends with them, but I don't even want to try because I already know it'll go sour for me, but I won't do anything about it 'cause I just can't do that to them. Suck.

I'm most likely going to get a new LJ and make it friends only, and only tell certain people about it. I used to be all like "woo! Let anyone read this, I don't care!" but now I'm like fuck it. I know Rob reads my journal and I don't mind him reading it, but yeah if I go friends only you won't be able to read my journal anonymously. So, get a journal if you wanna keep reading it. *shrug*

I have to go to work soon, my trainer Martha just called from Starbucks, which she's gotten me addicted to. Not the coffee stuff, but that vanilla whatever that's fuckin' AWESOME! I actually really like my work, it's rad. It's mostly rad though 'cause Martha is a rad trainer lady, so I don't know how work'll be without her there.

I have to go now. I'll probably make a new journal tonight and tell who I want to read it what the name is. Adieu.

What're the fuckin' chances? Lacy IMed me just right now. Like, out of nowhere. Hrm. Funny that.

Okay, so I have a loose idea on what I need to spend my checks. My first two checks I need to buy a new bass. Rather, I WANT to buy a new bass. Here's a few I have my eye one;

( Looot's of bass stuff talk down here. Skip if you don't give a flying fuck.Collapse )

So my birthday is thursday, and I just found out that my dad and stepmom are most likely NOT doing shit for me. Fuckin' awesome! My birthdays suck. Last year I played some D&D at the gaming shop, before it went from cool black Chris to the hot latino Chris who ran the store into the ground. I almost got hit by a car! I actually had a break down in the store because it just wasn't going well at all. I got a few material things, but that was the day I finally decided Lacy wasn't a good friend nor a good person for me to be around. To much bad energy and self absorbedness. I'm all sad right now about that...

The birthday before that I got all my presents a month ahead of time, and I spent the whole day alone in my moms place. I remember I got cake that my mom and little sister bought me, that made me happy :)

The year before that, or maybe it was two years ago, I was supposed to play D&D all day with my friend Lacy and Ashliegh at Lacy's place (we had a custom for a really long while there that we'd all stay the night at Lacy's place since her birthday and mine were so close together, she's fourteen days older than I am). But I decided to be a fuckin' lazy teenager and not go, and felt depressed all day.

I feel really bad right now, about my ex-friend Lacy. I haven't said happy birthday to her this year, and I feel so so guilty. But I can't, because if I do I'll want to try being her friend again, but I can't do that. She's just not a good person. She's ... I can't get into it because I'll just get really depressed and probably cry, because I put so much into that fucking friendship. She did too, but she just couldn't grow up.

And this all reminds me of the whole shit with Ashleigh. We're not friends anymore either, and she was one of my if not THE best friend I had throughout high school. But she was never much of a good friend either, and I used to think it wasn't her fault. But after high school, it was. She, gah, fuck it. I'm just really really fucking depressed over the whole thing.

I was one of those people in high school that believed that I'd be best friends with all my friends in high school forever. That all I needed were those friends. No. Never talked to Janet after high school. I like Kristine still, we talk, but not often. Megan and I talk frequently, but because of the thing betwen Megan and Lacy and Now-Megans-Boyfriend Chris it's like we only ever talk ABOUT Lacy. Same thing with Dee, we only ever talk about Lacy and Ashliegh (Ashleigh being her "sister" since junior high until she started dating Dee's ex Aaron). I saw Bo one time after high school when he gave me a ride home from band practice like last year, but that was it. I see Hrair a lot, on the bus or one time when I saw him at the mall. But we never really talk about anything important.

The only friends I can say I have are either my band mates, Alex, and a few online people who I'll probably never actually meet in real life. And the OneWordSolution crew, but that barely counts anymore. I was a bit psychotically clingy when I hung out with them since I was such a screw up in high school. I was pretty much just a fuckin' weird weird WEIRD kid, and I'll only ever be like that around them.

Then there's Jay who was like my best friend for a while there, but then it just fizzled out. Totally different values we had, different morals. Just stopped, basically, after I quit the band. Which means that it was never really there outside of us being in a band together and my unfortunately being clingy'ish.

I love people, I love having friends, I love having people over at my place, I love going to peoples places. But the people I always come across seem to just be the worst kind of people. I'm wary about who I call friends now because once I call someone a friend, they disappoint me terribley, or it stops. Fuck.

Friends suck. Family sucks. How do I manage? Forced optimism! I just don't think about it to much, I learned that growing up. Growing up sucked bad, having an older sister like I did who was mentally unbalanced and acted out really helped. Having an abusive stepdad really helped. Growing up with stoner parents helped. Knowing drug addicts through my entire childhood helped. All that shit, that sucky sucky shit. It really helped to teach me to not think about things to hard. If I did, I'd crack and crumble. I've done it before, I can't do it again.

I force stupidity on myself. I'm capable of so much stuff, but I've held myself back so much in life I've learned to give up. But I hate giving up, so I just don't try. I'm slow but very quick at the same time, which sucks.

I dunno. This all started out as being a very upbeat post, trying to be happy, but it just went sour after Lacy came up, as many things unfortunately do... I'm gonna post later after I stop being so sad about what I intended to...

By the way, PKSan Diego fucking sucked ass for me, though everyone else had fun.

My dream last night was weird. The first thing I remember is I'm with a group of friends (who the fuck they were actually, I don't know) and we were at a ... something, whatever. But we were going along and this group of skin heads and Hilary Duff come up to us and one of the skin heads shouts "Sylmar white power!" and shoots me, and somehow I had a gun in my hand so I shot back. I passed out and came back to life sometime later in the hospital. I find out that I didn't hit any of the skinheads, but actually killed Hilary Duff by accident. And throughout the rest of the dream I kept feeling bad about that 'cause I didn't mean to kill her. I don't remember much of the dream otherwise, but that was just weird.

Tommorow Ace (jpnphreak3) and I are going down to San Diego for the PKSD jam! ROCK! I'm gonna die, isn't that awesome? It's a flow jam, meaning I'm going to be running a LOT. Worse off I'm closing tonight, meaning I won't get home until after twelve, and I have to wake up at 6:30 tommorow morning so I can get a ride with Alex to Temple City where we'll hitch a ride with Russ' dad, Russ, Chuck, and Ham. Fun times. Hopefully I get home that night, 'cause otherwise I'll be staying the night at Chucks place and getting back home at the butt crack of dawn.

I have band practice sunday too, rock. Haven't practiced in forever. OH! And Jimy and Rob, I have tuesday off completely from work so I can practice. And I go to work at 3:30 wensday, rock.

We have a show at the Whiskey A Go-Go on August 20th! I need to unload these tickets still! BUY DAMN YOU! IT's ten bucks a pop, so buy! Buy! BUY!

Oh, and my birthday is next thursday, horray!

I have to go get ready for work now, closing shop tonight. Rock. Bye! BUY!

I haven't updated in a while, huh? Heh, oops. Bleh.

So what's going on. Parkour parkour mufugin' parkour is what. Jimy, the lead singer for my band, caught the PK bug. Now he (jadejunkie), Ace (jpnphreak), and I are the make up of the FUQ QRÜ. FUQ stands for For Urban Quest, and QRÜ is for whatever. I dunno, Jimy made that whole thing up and it's cool so rock.

There's a jam going down next weekend in San Diego. I have to take two trains to meet up with Charles and Russel in, like, Sierra Madre or whatever the fuck it is. Some place I never heard of. They'll drive me out there, then I'm staying the night at their pad and they'll drive me home sunday. The jam is gonna be aaaall about flow, so rock awesome'y goodness! I suck at flow, so no better time to do it then eh?

Oh, and Target is cool. Dear god I hate doing cashier work. I'm barely competent at it. I fucked up so many times today, and I was almost all alone so it was like OMG BRAIN EXPLODEY! (Haha, I'm using acronyms like OMG, LOL, and the likes to much lately.) I had one guy come up who was really obsessive compulsive about where I put everything ("Okay, put this in the bucket, and put all this and shove it in a big bag, and here let me just do it to make it go faster."), and I accidently spilt this poor guys coffee all over the place.

Oh, and the worst was RIGHT at the VERY end of my shift. I scanned this dudes stuff and he gave me a check but I accidently said he was paying with cash, but I dind't know how to fix it. I signaled for a GSTL (manager basically) to come over and help me, but it took them a long time to do that. In the mean time the guys kids and wife (I'm assuming of course) took the stuff and went to the car, which I actually didn't think to say "Hey wait, maybe you should just wait with that stuff." So the GSTL came by and had to cancel it out, and told me to scan everything in. Heh, oops. Since I didn't HAVE everything to scan, I'd have to punch in every serial number one at a time. And it was quite a few, some of them were like 2 to 4 of the same item. Suck. What was worse is that the line behind this guy kept getting bigger and bigger, even though my light was off saying I wasn't open. I suggest that everyone who wanted faster service to go to another line, which most people did when I explained it'd take a while. But this ONE bitch was like "I've been standing here for SO long! I can't believe this crap!" I was just thinking "It's been five minutes bitch, why don't you sit down and eat another fucking twinkie." So I got it cleared up fifteen minutes after my time to get off, got the two people in line out of the way, and went home. Horray.

Then I went to Jimy's place to play Halo and House of the Dead 3. Or as I called it, Mario House of the Dead. Hehe. "It's a ME! MARIO! Prepare to die!"

I went out with Jimy last night to PK, and TOTALLY fuckin' tore my pants! From upper crotch to past my knee. It was fuckin' great.

What else. Ummmm... I have to many things I need to buy, and won't have enough money ever to get it all. And these aren't like the normal important things, like bills. Just things I want/need. New computer, tablet to do the comic work with on the computer, start buying my own food (fuck my dad and stepmom), pay for my college and my books, buy my own monthly bus pass, probably might wanna get a cellphone (though that's not so important really), new fucking furniture for my room. Down the line I need to get my own place ('rents are getting ready to kick me out. Building me up for it, fuckin' little "you're an adult so you should suffer, even though you're in college you fuck" plan), and new equipment for my band. And down the line, I need a car. First a liscense, and a car.

Well, at least I just realized I get my first paycheck on my birthday! WOO! My birthday is coming up on August 19th! Everyone remember. Because my birthdays these past few years have sorely sorely sucked, so I don't expect anything more than a card like a few weeks before my actual birthday. Horray. kafjds;lkfjas I think I'm a bit depressed now.

That reminds me! I'm thinking of starting a joke LJ thing now. I'll keep you posted, I'll think about it a bit before I actually do it to see if I'd be willing to keep up with it.

And we all die a little inside tonight.

Oh, I just remembered something funky.

Before 9/11, before the war in Iraq, before the war on terror, et cetera, we ALMOST had a war with China. Anyone remember that? It was when one of our airplanes went down there, a fighter jet who was in restricted air and crashed in restricted land and was hence captured. So George Bush Jr. demanded, as would be expected, for this guys release. When they wouldn't, we were on the verge of war. Like, seriously on the verge. I think the fighter guy was eventually released, but I think it's funny that not only DID we go to war under this president, but we also were almost in ANOTHER war just PRIOR to the one we're in now with this very president.

War president indeed.


Oh, and the jam yesterday was awesome. I'll write about it later.

DUDE! I totally came up with a new nick name for myself on my own! TOTALLY!

Haha, actually my friend Alex 2 (jpnfreak) told me he gave me a new nick name. I'm now called Stabby, or Stabby Joe. So call me that now.

I still don't have cancer.

Fuck man... Shit, I just... fuck, I have cancer... fucking in my ankle. That's why it's been hurting so bad after I sprained it. I had a cancerous thing growing in there for a while, but when I sprained my ankle it like jammed between the joint in my ankle, like two of the important bones. So I have to have surgery on it, so I can walk normal. But I'll have to have a screw put in to keep it, like, something. Together or whatever. I'll never be able to take those big PK drops ever again, I'll never be able to run normal, I won't be able to do much of anything PK related. I won't be able to do fucking shit man. I'm... fuck man.

Fuck man... I just don't know what to say...

Except... got'cha!

That was a horrible horrible joke, and I'm very very sorry. I'm tired, I have a final tommorow, so I'm not in the proper frame of mind... But the truth is that I legitimately think something is wrong with my ankle because it DOES keep making this popping feel like there is something funky in there. Definately have to get tha checked out, gotta explain to my dad "You know, fuck you, you helped put me in this prediciment by not doing anything at first, you're fucking doing something now you cock."

My final is tommorow in sociology. I'm no really betting on a good grade in the class... Oh well :-/

Work still hasn't called, I'm going to have to call them tommorow and see if I can start training next monday.

I have a parkour event saturday. I wish I didn't schedual it now because although I can trick, I can't flow, so I'd be holding people back. Especially since there's apparently this one fucking cock who's a noob to the sport but he's all like "it better be up to par" and shit. I mean, fuck you guy, you don't have to come. If I hear a fucking word about it sucking to him, I'll lay his ass out. I'm getting ahead of myself. w00t

My teeth are fucked up again. ALWAYS WEAR YOUR FUCKING RETAINER WHEN YOU GET YOUR BRACES OFF! Fucks you up if you don't keep consistant.

Thought Riot is an awesome band. And I just realized I had accidently left the same song on a loop for like ten minutes and didn't seem to realize it at all, haha.

I think I'm going to go to sleep now.

Fuck man, cancer is no joke... I apologize...

( Another survey.Collapse )