Where Voices Speak Out

obsession, as a word, doesn't really strictly have a meaning -- i mean, of course it does, the oxford english dictionary defines it as the domination of one's thoughts or feelings by a persistent idea, image, desire, etc.,; the idea, image, desire, feeling, etc., itself; the state of being obsessed; the act of obsession -- but that in and of itself is complex. in common use "obsession" is often mis-used to describe a serious interest. (i know this because english is not anything close to my first language but i do have a rudimentary knowledge of psychology thanks to my father that allows me to be aware of what the word is supposed to mean and how the word is used. and an obsession is not just that thing you talk about all the time. it's all-consuming. it's dangerous.)

the more complex uses of the word are almost entirely psychological in nature; while it could obviously be used otherwise the psychology of obsession is actually interesting. and terrifying, if you ask me, and i've been around it a lot. i have an anxiety disorder that is not obsessive-compulsive, but certain behaviors of mine could be ruled to be. i definitely have friends who have OCD to various degrees. and for people in my field some amount of OCD is actually an asset. but i've got organizational fixations (and fixation is the psychological ancestor of obsession, after all, though the original usage of 'fixation' as per freud is not really considered truth by most people anymore -- and my father thought freud was a nutball [his words]) which help me out, too. and i don't actually need to have OCD to have those fixations, and i wouldn't say i'm obsessed with neatness. i can spend time in a messy space and not go mad if i'm not stuck there eternally. sometimes i get carried away and my desk is a disaster of papers. my entire apartment has been a mess of papers before. i just passed my phd candidacy exam on saturday, after all.

(this is the part where i point out OCD is a noun, and someone cannot "be OCD." but i'm not talking about stereotypes right now. this is probably also the part where i point out i am not a psychologist, i just listen to one talk too much.)

and so people can either be obsessed with anything, or obsession is somewhat uncommon and usually pathological, depending on how you define it. i tend to lean toward the second, because of how i was raised to know obsessions are dangerous no matter what they're with. or whom. because the most dangerous form is an obsession with a person. obsessive love is an actual pathology. something i've actually been the victim of, once. or maybe you'd say i survived it, i'm not sure if one is normally considered a victim of a pathology if it doesn't kill them -- anyway. i ended up extremely codependent on an ex-boyfriend who was actually kind of crazy, and it took friends and future girlfriend to get me out of that situation. but that was codependency, not the really creepy sorts of things you get like the full-on love addiction (also a real condition; who names these things? they make sense, but they also seem so weird) that also results in real delusional behaviors. i heard a story that a man tried to kill a president because of an obsession over an actress. see, that's dangerous.

cleanliness at least doesn't usually kill people. i am entirely willing to concede to the possibility that cleanliness kills people. it could lead to some major fights with roommates, for example, and someone entirely off the handle might end up accidentally killing someone over being too messy (or, perhaps, too clean). obsessions with people can get people killed. or hurt. or expelled from school or kicked out of their homes for whatever reason. so when i hear people mentioning being obsessed with someone, or with a movie or a book or a place or something of that sort, it's a bit concerning. there's really no such thing as a casual obsession. maybe a fixation. but strong interest is probably the better word choice.

Sionell Keltakire is an original character who has a distinct tendency to not use capital letters when speaking in the first person. Her creator is very sorry.
word count: 692