Hello my children. I just wanted to inform you that I have made my journal friends only. Any posts made prior to this entry are the ones clearly left open to the public.
If you want to be put on my friends list, give the say so and it will be taken into consideration.
Thankyou for your cooperation.
For those of you already on my friends list, scroll down to read recent posts, since the date attached to this entry has been forwarded in order to keep this post on top.
xReignOfTearsx: hey, can I ask a favor of you? I'm in a bad way. Helvete Noire: what is it, erica? Helvete Noire: ? xReignOfTearsx: if you see jake or felicia online, tell them that I wish I could erase the summer. I know it's too late, but just so they know. Helvete Noire: i'm getting off in a second - what's going on? Helvete Noire: you should tell them yourself, man. i will, of course, but..you really need to talk to them yourself, or things won't ever be the same. just gotta suck it up and swallow some pride, so everything can be chill again. xReignOfTearsx: they won't even look at me. so telilng them would be somewhat difficult. Helvete Noire: if you really tried, they would. you're going to have to be the one to step forward. Helvete Noire: they will listen. you just have to talk to them. Helvete Noire: hey, i've gotta go now, but remember what i told you, okay? you've gotta be the one to try. i'll talk to you later xReignOfTearsx: bye
I am intrinsically no good I have a heart that's made of wood I am only biding time Only reciting memorized lines And I'm not fit to touch The hem of your garment
No, no I'm not fit to touch the hem of your garment
I have no love but only goals How very empty is my soul It is a soul that feels no thrill A soul that could easily kill And I'm not fit to touch The hem of your garment
No, no I'm not fit to touch the hem of your garment
I am intrinsically no good I have a heart that's made of wood I am only biding time Only reciting memorized lines And I'm not fit to touch The hem of your garment
I am intrinsically no good I have a heart that's made of wood I am only biding time Only reciting memorized lines And I'm not fit to touch The hem of your garment
No, no I'm not fit to touch the hem of your garment The hem of your garment
I fucking hate televangelists. I disapprove of organized religion to begin with, but I'm not one to take a shit on someone's religious view because of my disapproval. However, if you are going to solicit your religion to me, i.e. coming to my house to preach to me or take over a fourth of the channels on my T.V. - then I have an issue. And even more of an issue if you are going to spread HATE IN GOD'S NAME. People like that make me fucking sick.
I flip on the T.V. and there are three black preachers trying to redeem african americans by preaching about how whites are just as evil. (we are all equally evil) I found it interesting that they were trying to redeem the race when it's already clear that there is no race that is more evil than the other, so I stayed tuned. But then they go onto a rant about how homosexual are sinners and they fucking had the testicular fortitude to call homosexuals faggots and actually broadcast that bullshit. HELL FUCKING NO!
GUESS WHAT YOU FUCKING WANKERS! GOD MADE HOMOSEXUAL JUST LIKE GOD MADE EVERYTHING ELSE, OR SO YOU PREACH. SO FUCK OFF AND GET OVER IT. DON'T SPREAD YOUR FUCKING HATE!
The only evil I see here is the evil emanating from the haters with no justification.
Before you go and call homosexuals sinners, you should all fucking take a look in the mirror. For all you fuckers who sin on 6 of the 7 days a week, then visit your lord's house to cleanse yourself of your deeds, only to intentionally sin again... go fuck off. For all of you who only go to church on Sunday so that god will forgive you and let you into heaven, again... fuck off. For all of you people who pick and choose what rules and commandments, you want to follow and exempt yourself from the rest of your religion, you are all fucking hypocrites and should go die. For all you people who solicit your religion and force your views upon deaf ears, get bent. IF YOU WANTED TO BE "SAVED" AND JOIN YOUR FUCKING CULT, I WOULD HAVE ALREADY FOUND MY WAY TO THE SPACESHIP. I DON'T NEED YOUR GUIDANCE TO FIND MY FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY AND SUPERIORITY!
I attended a poetry festival on Friday and there were six locally renowned poets there to share some of their work. They also allowed us to read some of ours. Surprisingly, I read my spoken word piece, which is very raw and very personal to me. (It was a declaration but it now appears to be more of a hopeful piece than a declaration of any changes within me. It's disappointing) Anyway, I volunteered to read first surprisingly and people seemed pretty pleased with it. (Though I was so nervous sharing that I forced most of the reading and it had little feeling in it.)
As well as us reading, this poet encouraged us to write a piece in the moment with a prompt. She told us to imagine ourselves frozen. My resulting poem is less than pleasing, but it has a nice flow which I cannot deny. (My opinion) Here it is:
Untitled Dated: 4-22-05
I can feel your eyes on me Watching me succumb to my seizures Victim of epilepsy Your hands are on me Squeezing me tightly And yet I feel nothing I see jostled images of you grasping my body And your hands fuse to my cold skin Though I have a fire burning deep within It is now that you know there is no control No master over me, no marionette puppetry You know you cannot have me So you put me out of your misery
Know Me Broken By My Master Teach Thee On Child Of Love Hereafter
Into The Flood Again Same Old Trip It Was Back Then So I Made A Big Mistake Try To See It Once My Way
Drifting Body Its Sole Desertion Flying Not Yet Quite The Notion
Am I Wrong? Have I Run Too Far To Get Home? Am I Gone? And Left You Here Alone If I Would Could You?
I'm fucked up. I don't even know what's going on and I just want to sleep it away. I have fucked everything up. I wish people didn't talk to me, touch me, encourage me because I wouldn't have to hurt others. I am responsible for this.
Because I found the poem enjoyable and there are some lines I would like to bold to show my appreciation. I hope this is correct. Thankyou Lauren for sharing this with me. ( Love - Beau Sia Collapse )
distressed
okay
pissed off
morose