If You Aren't Living In Blasphemy, You Aren't Living At All.

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Well my friends (and lurkers), the day has really come.

All posts after this one will become friends only. I have been threatening this for years but the time is now at hand. There is really good reasoning for this but it's not what you think.

I have finally migrated Tekwh0re.net. THAT is my home. LJ is just an extension of that. I like having total control and I just don't have total control over LJ. I own my domain and my I control my webhost. I do not control LJ. LJ is fine and great but this is an extension of the main, not the main.

A lot of people have been talking about controlling their online image now because of the ways the world works now. I can understand that. I've had it happen to me where I was researched online and my blog brought into work (not me doing vice versa). I weathered it well but I did learn a key lesson- that people suck. Not that I shouldn't say what I think or be who I am but that people will go out of their way to attempt to destroy you. Lucky for me, I was never so stupid as to mention client's names or what company I work for so I survived it. And to this day, if you were to but two and two together and ask me "hey, is Tekwh0re your site", I would never deny it. I will not hide what I said or who I am, but I am also not going to roll out the red carpet for you attempt to wreck my house. This is the house that Tek built. This is a house that will stand.

With the current migration, it makes it harder to link the moniker I go by online with the moniker that adorns my social security card. Because I don't post photos of myself anymore, it becomes increasingly harder to put that 2 and 2 together. I miss taking pictures but even I know that with the stupidity of this American country that I live in, anything related to a cadid, be is saucy or sanguine has the potential to have the wolves believe they can take advantage. Goddess knows that I fight enough as it is- I need that energy for fighting focused on other wars- not if the fact I am in a bra makes me morally objectionable or intellectually vapid. This isn't to say that the odd photo of me will never pop up again- it may. But perhaps not where everyone can see it.

I'm still posting. I'm still taking. I think only death will ever really get me to shut up. Still, I am re-making the Tekwh0re "brand" so to speak and the first stop is by making sure that the masses go to a one stop shop if I don't know them. That would be Tekwh0re.net and not LJ.

Sooooo

All posts after this one are FRIENDS ONLY. I do believe there is an RRS feed for tekwh0re.net running around on LJ somewhere. I think the RSS feed broke when I migrated but I am working on fixing that Also, for the first time since I have ever been on LJ, I will be making a friend's list cut.

If you'd like to stay, sure, speak up. If you've been wanting to bail out, this is probably the best time to do so.

It's been grand these past years... however it's time to bring the house back. That would be the house of Tekwh0re.net.

Originally published at Confessions of an ex-femme fatale. You can comment here or there.

What a difference a full night of sleep can make!

Originally published at Confessions of an ex-femme fatale. You can comment here or there.

This past week has been a bad one. Limited sleep and lots of work. This can lead to a real damper on one’s psyche and open up avenues in the mind that are better left only to causal pedestrians.

Still, in the back of my poor worn out head, decisions and plans have been made.

Now? Though it is early, I am in my home, my bed, and sleep finally beckons me.

Originally published at Confessions of an ex-femme fatale. You can comment here or there.

This is a test post. If you are an RSS user and see it, please let me know.

Originally published at Tekwh0re.net. You can comment here or there.

I have just changed the nameservers for tekwh0re.net. I didn’t get a chance to do a redesign. You will notice a few posts missing on the new site however. Might also still be a few bumps. Bare with me, please.

Originally published at Tekwh0re.net. You can comment here or there.

First off, I wish you all would just “unfriend” me now. I wish you would stop emailing me about “counseling” If you want me to talk about butterflies and rainbows and parties and how awesome my life is, please go here and here. If you’re going to annoy me because you think you know, when you really know only the smidgen I chose to share with you, then come to Chicago… I have something else I’d love to share with you. I’m pretty sure if I was allowed to share that, I’d feel much better than any drugs or arm chair psychoanalyst could ever do for me.

Remember, I’m watched by people who are far to interested in my personal life so I don’t tell you everything that is going on and I never will. Some of it is because of work reasons. Some of it is because you wouldn’t care. Some of it is because it is none of your business.

So please, I write because I want to, because its all I have. I don’t care if you like me or don’t. Agree with me or don’t. There is only one thing I care about in this world and right that is totally going pear shaped.

Read the rest of this entry »

Originally published at Tekwh0re.net. You can comment here or there.

Actually.

I think I am going to quit school. I am not going to try to figure out how to pay for it anymore.
I’m not going to take my certification exam.

I give up.

The truth is that it doesn’t matter how many certs I get or diploma’s, I’m never, ever, ever, going to be treated with the respect I deserve.

I’m never going to go anywhere because I’ll never get any respect. School, experience, whatever… it doesn’t matter.

I can’t say more but this morning I finally see it.

Originally published at Tekwh0re.net. Please leave any comments there.

And crying is rather stupid and pointless too.

Originally published at Tekwh0re.net. You can comment here or there.

I’ve been up since 3 am.
I couldn’t sleep anymore. I tried to study for a bit but my mind has just been going and going.
Suddenly I’ve come to a conclusion that I can’t discuss on here but I am starting to think is more and more the reason for some things.
It’s 5 am and finally the tears are coming down that I cannot control.
No matter how hard I try
No matter how much I fight
I just cannot win at anything.
I can’t win at work.
I can’t win at relationships.
I can’t win at school.
I can’t win at anything.
I keep trying but the truth is that I cannot win.
I thought everything was going to work out. I thought things had gotten better. In the last two weeks I can only see how wrong I was and how stuck I am.

***
If you are someone I normally call or something, I won’t be for a while. I don’t feel like talking to anyone. It’s pointless.