my writings

thinking about how when you experience a lot of shame in your formative years (indirectly, directly, as abuse or just as an extant part of your environment) it becomes really difficult to be perceived by other people in general. the mere concept of someone watching me do anything, whether it's a totally normal activity or something unfamiliar of embarrassing, whether I'm working in an excel spreadsheet or being horny on main, it just makes my skin crawl and my brain turn to static because I cannot convince myself that it's okay to be seen and experienced. because to exist is to be ashamed and embarrassed of myself, whether I'm failing at something or not, because my instinctive reaction to anyone commenting on ANYTHING I'm doing is to crawl into a hole and die. it's such a bizarre and dehumanizing feeling to just not be able to exist without constantly thinking about how you are being Perceived. ceaseless watcher give me a god damn break.

sorry to put your tags on blast on this insane breach containment post I have since muted, but you're right and you should say it.

It is defeatable. Go for the throat.

literally the worst way of ending a series is “all the survivors are happily straight married with tons and tons of babies!” 

people still getting mad at this post i made in 2014 so I will add here. in 2026. that the point of this post isn’t “happy endings bad” its when the story’s only way to imagine a happy ending is a heterosexual nuclear family for everyone.

the haunting of bly manor’s rewatchability is insane. i notice something different and a new piece of foreshadowing and a new ghost sighting that i hadn’t seen before in every rewatch.

the haunting of bly manor’s rewatchability is insane. i notice something different and a new piece of foreshadowing and a new ghost sighting that i hadn’t seen before in every rewatch.

LOSERRRR remus is funnier to me than "cool" "emotionally unavailable" and mean remus because imagine this boy spending YEARSsSs convinced sirius could never possibly love him while simultaneously treating sirius like they're already dating ALL THIS TIME

he'll brush sirius's hair out of his face in the middle of a conversation without thinking, he'll take sirius's cold hands and warm them up while continuing to read his book, he'll automatically save sirius the better seat by the fireplace because he KNOWS sirius is always cold.

these things don't even register to him anymore. they're instinct!!

and then later that night he's lying in bed staring at the ceiling thinking, "sirius doesn't even see as more than a friend...." while sirius is sure they are dating

Let trans men be as feminine or as masculine as they want

also let trans women be as masculine or feminine as they want

also let enbies be as masculine or feminine as they want

also let people look however the fuck they want

Not gonna lie this makes me a bit irritated. Here's the real version of this photo:

Instead of a cutesie reference to film censorship it was an explicit statement of defiance of Maryland's criminalization gay sex, which was not repealed until 2002. This wasn't a guy saying "Oh they can't put what I do in the movies according to a completely voluntary industry code" he was saying "The State of Maryland wants to put me in jail for being gay and having gay sex."

It wasn't a guy being cheeky about sex in an ambiguous, cute way. It was a man stating, in no uncertain terms, that a whole state of the United States considered him a criminal for being homosexual.

a scene that really gets me is in episode 6 is where they’re all sat at the table and yuna says “oh but that’s sad” when they tell her they’re gonna keep their relationship secret until they retire and shane responds “yeah we know” like that just sums up the queer experience.

a lot of the queer experience is people being like “wait it’s actually crazy you have to deal with that” and queer people just going 🤷‍♂️ because it’s always been like that. it’s sad but it’s not shocking to shane and ilya that they have to hide because there is no other option. it’s acceptance by defeat because it feels like there is no alternative

“yeah we know” because we have been living in that reality for the last almost 10 years. we know

i was training a young person at work, and she referred to sexual assault as "SA" out loud, and i immediately was like, "no, it's sexual assault, call it what it is," bc idgaf if the algorithm overlords have taught y'all that you should fear direct language, how tf do any of you expect to ever address real issues with any amount of seriousness if you can't even say the words? imagine an advocate looking a sexual assault survivor in the eyes and asking "did he grape you?" it's absolutely fucking absurd, but these young interns and new hires are coming into an environment where we deal with survivors of all different kinds of abuse, and they're coming with the mindset that the words are as bad as the actions, and that makes them shitty at the job and look juvenile af

i HATE self-censorship for a lot of reasons, but being in crisis work makes it even more frustrating. who are you censoring for? like i am being so fr, WHO are you censoring for? have you even thought it through? people who have been raped know that they have been raped. if someone attempts suicide or is grieving someone who did, saying "sewer slide" isn't going to protect them from any of the feelings. a murder victim's family isn't going to feel better bc you said "unalived" instead of murdered. if anything, it's just extremely invalidating and othering. it's saying "what happened to you is so bad that i won't even say the word," which is NOT trauma-informed care. you are not protecting survivors/victims when you self-censor. the ONLY things you protect when you self-censor are the puritanical ideologies that are being encouraged by rich fascists who want your money and obedience

say the fucking words, guys. just say the goddamn words before i go insane!!!

my dead wife. the ad free internet

just remembered shows used to have 20-25 eps per season

75% of writing is convincing yourself that your story is worth it

It is. In case you were wondering. Your story is worth the effort you are putting into it. It’s an amazing thing because you are writing it.

Write it shitty, write it scared, write it without a clue but don't you be so spineless and have an AI write fanfic for you.