https://tiliamericana.wordpress.com/
*pointing to your political protégé* you know that thing would eat you if you died, right?
resisting the urge to text my boyfriend shit like "i just drank a big cup of milk."
i did just drink a big cup of milk though. i rode my bike down the road to the resort where a bunch of my friends work and i asked my friend if i could order a big cup of 2% and he said "all we have is whole" and i said "what the heck, i'm not driving!" which made me laugh really hard.
i just dont think J Jonah Jameson would be an ally like that
have you ever seen this panel
im sorry mr. jameson i didnt know you were like that....
my house is scary at night
Interpreted this initially not as shelves, but as your cat having erected defensive fortifications
My postulate #mypostulate
who are you who is so wise in the ways of pussy
join me in Camelot
I can't think of a single food that is not improved by mustard
I swear you have a deficiency in something.
Is he perchance obsessed with mustard because it's yellow... like a flame? 🤭
But also, if you tell me that this man puts mustard on ice cream...
Chocolate and mustard go nice together, I can picture a layered desert with a mustard accent to it.
But just in vanilla ice cream? I mean I wouldn't say No but I wouldn't do that on purpose.
I’m leaving you and taking the dog
when youre inadvertently 1% too nice to a straight guy you can usually pinpoint the exact moment where he decides you must be acting that way because you want to fuck down on him crazy style and it is at this point that one would be well advised to have a cyanide capsule under a false tooth or an equivalent fast acting response
I love to design Evil Guest Rooms
Like a room for evil guests, or guest rooms that feel evil
guest rooms that feel evil. carefully designed to be troubling without exceeding a threshold of plausible deniability. nothing actually hostile or inhospitable—just subtly wrong in a way that seems like something no human would do on purpose. so like an animatronic clown statue would be too much, but these on the bookshelf would be perfect:
I do think the ability to emoji-react is a net win for human communication. not only does it give you an outlet for 'I see and acknowledge this but don't have a verbal response' but it also adds a pleasing alethiometer element to things
my coworker announces that he's off to the dentist. someone reacts with a tooth emoji. is this a statement of dentist solidarity? a wish for my coworker to return with more (or fewer?) teeth than he set out with? simple word association? who can say
Friend of mine calls it active listening. Ah yes we are speaking of tooths. I understand and respond. Here it a tooth image. I have heard you.
ALTlike. i actually think this is a better indictment of the Santa thing than anything i could write out.
thought too hard about MRI machines today and had this come to me in a vision
mri accident is literally one of my biggest anxiety freakouts. i dont care about being in the tiny loud tube, im so scared of a secret piece of metal i dont know about in my body will tear through me like a knife through butter. what if i ate a quarter in my sleep
Quarters George who eats a $10 roll of quarters every night is shredded into a fine mist my the MRI
TIME TO POST ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVORITE IMAGES!!!!
Back when I worked at the hospital, I had to take MRI training and it was my favorite thing every time. It was only like 10 minutes long and went a little something like this:
Hey. The MRI is basically a really big magnet and by basically I mean it is and we literally never turn it off. It's like really big. Really really big and powerful and The Magnet is always on. We don't turn it off Ever, for any reason. We mean it bro, The Magnet is literally always on. It's crazy strong and will definitely kill you. So don't bring any metal into the MRI room, man. You will fuck up the machine (because The Magnet is always on) and then you will die (again, because The Magnet is always on). Here's some fun questions for you to test your understanding!
1) The ______ is always on.
2) The Magnet is ______ on.
3) How often is The Magnet on?
4) The Magnet is always __.
5) The Magnet is always on. T/F
6) The Magnet is usually on but we know to turn it off for you because you're a very special boy :) T/F
7) My weak fleshy body can survive the wrath of The Magnet. T/F
8) Look at this 500 lbs steel hospital bed, which The Magnet has crumpled into an origami crane. Imagine if that was you.
9) Is The Magnet ever off?
10) Sometimes we turn The Magnet off. T/F
Thank you for taking MRI training. We hope you learned that The Magnet is always on, because it is. It's on Right Now and it will be on every time you come to the MRI. Have fun and remember: The Magnet is always on!
I love you MRI training. The Magnet is always on.