Hi. I’m Kroniktronikboy. I live in a city full of hills with a river running through it. There’s a beautiful bridge and parks and old buildings and music and clubs and drugs and black people and white people and sex and violence and death and life. And shoe shops, for some reason. Loads of them. I’m 16th, going on 17th century. My favourite philosopher is David Hume. My favourite medieval king is Charlemagne. Last night i dreamt that i was King Herod The Great. My favourite Depeche Mode album is Speak And Spell. I hate smoothie companies that try to be my friend. I’ll make my own, thank you very much. Last night my friend Torchy The Battery Boy told me he loved me…but he was on pills…so I didn’t take him seriously. The other day I got my friend Towser to drink some bong water. I said that if he did it first then I would too. I didn’t. My favourite food is potatoes. Boil them, slice them, grill them with chilli and garlic. Heaven, sweet, heaven....