shun 6

Yeah yeah, more shit goes down

So in my recent post I told you about my son dying and all the crap that followed.

Last year the hits just kept coming.
After Thanksgiving my dad died. And in the same week a very dear friend also died.
Cancer sucks.

We're doing okay I guess.
Cat is being cranky.

It's weird. My son and I had been talking about moving back to Pennsylvania, but this is not the way I envisioned it happening. He lived most of his life in Michigan from the age of 10 when we moved there from Pennsylvania.

Now I'm back and there's so many things I want to share with him, but he's gone. Stuck in a fucking urn. It's not fair. April 1st would have been his 38 birthday, but it ended at the age of 36.

They say time heals.
It does NOT.
They lied.
shun 6

I don't get it

Went to my 45th high school reunion last night and now I'm just utterly despondent.

These same people who teased and tortured me for years, are suddenly acting like I'm some kind of long lost best friend.

Just why?

"Well they grew up"

Sure I get that, but I'm still living with that trauma. It doesn't just go away.

You can't treat someone like shit for years on end and then expect them to welcome you with open arms.

Besides out of the 60 some in attendance less than half a dozen even spoke to me.

Why did I even bother going. I knew how it would go.

Dicks

shun 6

gosh it's been forever.

So things have not gone well for me lately.

Last year was an absolute nightmare for me personally.


First and foremost.... my beloved son (nick) passed away from sudden cardiac arrest. I am absolutely heartbroken and really wanted to just join him.  My depression is deep at this point.

With his social security check halted... i had no real way to keep up with my bills and rent so I and the cat got evicted, losing everything.

My cousin generously opened her home to us so we moved several states away, back to PA and that's where we presently are.

I've spent time in and out of the hospital because of a serious blood issue.

I haven't really written anything for the past (at least) 7 years; just started to write again, not sure if I'll post them here, depends on the interest. 


IDK. this is just a check in and update to let my lj friends know what's been going on after so long. 

shun 6

Well for a minute I forgot

I forgot how to post here...... ROFLMFAO

Nothing really to report since my last post of 3 years ago.
Another of my torturer aunts died. *YAY*

So far we are safe from the virus.
  • Current Mood
    apathetic apathetic
shun 6

Bitter relief

So I got a message on FB from my step mom that my Dad is heading from FL to PA because my one aunt is dying.....  I'm so glad she's dying yet I'm very angry.
This is the woman that made me feel like I was shit my whole life. Like I didn't belong in the family at all.
I hate her almost as much as I hated my mother. But unlike my mother whom I really didn't have any kind of emotional attachment too, this particular aunt abused me emotionally and mentally. I have a very strong unwanted connection with her.

I sincerely hope she burns in hell (if there is such a place)  I've been waiting for this for years.

I'm so relieved yet I'm pissed. I don't know why. Perhaps because she had such a negative affect on me.

IDK

shun 6

And on another fun note.....

My health as some of you may or may not know has been pretty shitty lately. While it's true I've lost a grand total of 50 pounds over the course of a year and a half, it's come with a price. But it did not cause this new additive to my medical history.

I officially have Fibromyalgia. YAY (sarcasm)

and my legs have been doing funny things...... like turning red from the knees down and swelling and aching really bad.

I almost passed out this morning while doing dishes. I got that tunnel vision feeling and dizziness, sweating and nausea. Not a fun time. I'm still a bit dizzy.