milkhoney

Death is when the heart does not beat and the clock beats.
Love is when the heart beats and the clock does not beat.
Perhaps this simple comparison explains
why you glanced at your watch.
You knew that waiting is the dense endurance of eternity
and love, the miracle of mortals,
makes eternity ashamed,
but death does not wait for anybody.

The long summer afternoon
was going down on coffins and clock towers
the ruins knew
and you did not know
that war makes waiting invalid
and saving life
the whole Truth.

Was she dead?
Had she fled without you?
Or you were not in love anymore?
The dead were not answering.
The living were escaping
and love from then on
beat within
the pulsing of a clock.

(link)

(cross-posted here)

hey lion,

as you know, i've decided to do this dating thing again. not too many dates, though, and very breezily. i'm doing just enough to keep my life interesting and maintain my self-esteem as a desirable woman. also, i'm putting some distance between the present and everything that happened between september-december 2014. finally, i am very much into money and bylines this year. the focus must be laser-like. "money and bylines" would make a great podcast name for someone, by the way.

here's a positive thing: since my tolerance for shallow interactions with people has become extremely low, i only seek out people with whom i can have real conversations. my saturday night date was intelligent on top of being pretty -- although he is a bit of a tortured overthinker. he also seemed to me the human embodiment of authoritarian saturn. i suspect that if i continue to see him my desire for spontaneity and play will be perceived as flightiness. i already know that he thinks my childlike interests (cartoons, comic books, genre fiction) are childish.

anyway, we were each on our third drink at the bar when he gave me the definition of love that he'd given to his therapist. "love, to me, is a world without scarcity or loss," he explained. "but then i read 'faust,' and in that book the devil does this fucked up version of a jesus miracle. instead of just making infinite wine, the devil makes infinite wine and condemns people to drink it all. so what do we do, clementine? what do we do?"

"well," i said. "i'm not sure that this directly responds to your existential crisis about being poisoned by abundance, but i've been reading anne lamott lately. she wrote a book called 'bird by bird', which is a set of instructions for writers. she says that when she first started writing, she was hung up on the idea of paired opposites just like everyone else. she thought that the opposite of love was obviously hate. after she wrote more and became more sympathetic to her characters, she discarded that notion. she decided that hate was not the opposite of love and in fact nothing was the opposite of love."

this seemed to comfort him. i forgot the next part of the conversation though. it was some tangent about logos, pathos, and ethos. this earlier part of the conversation stuck with me, and i recounted it to manic pixie roommate the next day. "i agree with your writer," she said. "in the sense that hate is not the opposite of love. i love my boyfriend, but sometimes i hate him and he drives me crazy. but then i love him again. you're more likely to hate the people that you love. because you care. like love, hate is an attachment."

"so if love has an opposite at all..." i mused, sensing where she was heading. "it's detachment," said manic pixie roommate. "love is an attachment and its opposite is detachment." if people tell you that they are over their ex-lovers but that they're mad at them -- they are lying to themselves. negative attachments are still attachments. isn't that interesting?

prying truths out of neighborhood men,
clementine

this is just to say that i didn't even know it was a full moon when i felt the urge for random divination.

i. what's the deal with this relationship?

past - seven of swords (reversed)
the object of my query was overwhelmed and struggling. he had (has) hidden resources and gifts, but he has not utilized them and is perhaps unaware of them. j's addition: hidden issues and worries were kept down by feelings of hope for present circumstances.

present - king of cups (reversed)
straight from the book -- "someone enmeshed in his own memories, preventing change. perhaps caught in a long, abusive relationship (or possibly) unsatisfying work; the card indicates that it is time to move one. someone who can be quite co-dependent, lacking in self-esteem." extra note - king of cups  is the most self-aware out of all the kings and most concerned about those around him." j's addition: has tendency to give more than he should, even if he seems like he's not being up front. he's protecting himself and having difficulty listening to intuition. perhaps listening too much to other people's opinions.

future - the hierophant
major arcana card = big deal. hierophant = bridge between divinity and humanity. aspects of archetype = compassionate, wise, prescient; orthodox or challenging. overall, if we are open to it, there is a spiritual lesson for both of us and a move to the next level.

some interpret as faithful friend/platonic relationship.  some interpret as marriage (in a love spread - but the question was not about love). the answer, overall, is trust your gut and keep the faith. do not dissolve relationship. it is a worthwhile journey. j's note: "your intuition has something else to say about it. just needs time." (sounds serious but she also agrees that it is positive)

ii. what's the deal with my career?

past - five of swords
allowed this part of life to be dominated by fear / a sense of oppression. have needed to face that fear. in retrospect, have had trouble with authority figures and consequently a lack of confidence in what i am actually able to do.  "on the positive side of this card, if you were being forced to submit to an unhealthy person, the five of swords in this position would assert that standing up to an abuser and led to a healthy present. the intensity of this justifiable confrontation was a breakthrough. you learned to put yourself first when enough had become enough and continue to build your life on that foundation to this day."

present - five of discs
another five! fives are about power struggles. in this phase, established control and regained power. "this card urges you to have faith and see something in your life that can lead to a much happier situation than the one in which you are currently embroiled." i would say in that this phase, i have had more confidence in my career path and more aware of what makes me happier at work.

future - king of swords.
this is actually a really positive card, indicating an "expert" level of career leadership/professional prominence. is this true??? the king of swords grants serenity and certainty, power and status and the heaviness of the crown. it will only happen if i prepare. this is a non-emotional card. charm and luck will not help, just smarts.

(note: rose quartz pendulum. yes - counterclockwise. no - no movement. maybe -  clockwise.)

Haven’t they moved like rivers—
like Glory, like light—
over the seven days of your body?

And wasn’t that good?
Them at your hips—

isn’t this what God felt when he pressed together
the first Beloved: Everything.
Fever. Vapor. Atman. Pulsus. Finally,
a sin worth hurting for. Finally, a sweet, a
You are mine.

It is hard not to have faith in this:
from the blue-brown clay of night
these two potters crushed and smoothed you
into being—grind, then curve—built your form up—

atlas of bone, fields of muscle,
one breast a fig tree, the other a nightingale,
both Morning and Evening.

O, the beautiful making they do—

(read the rest at this sleepy place)

{the build up to this part is incredible...}

and in the end it's the difference of the spirit and the matter
it's the difference of the lover and the flyer
don't it make you want to cry?

it's nothing less, nothing less between the worldly
and the one self
all this breathing and the truth that's in your last breath
don't it make you want to cry?

I was satisfied with haiku until I met you,

are there seriously no active screenwriting communties on livejournal?