Mike's sick sad world

Ok, so I really don't know where i last left off in my life so I'll just try to wrap up the past two years really quickly for everyone reading.

well i moved to sacramento due to reasons beyond my control and it really sucked. i dated my friend rai that i was livin' with for a while. i really liked him, but he really wasn't for me. he wasn't ready for a relationship with me. we're still friends but not close friends. i dunno. we were never meant to be more than friends.

Then i met this guy named Michael. - I know go figure. and for those of you who didn't gather, I changed my name. err. well. decided to go by my first name. so it wasn't that strange. but we dated. he loved me in his own way... not in my way though. :-) we got in arguments. he'd try and use sex as a bargaining tool. talk about unhealthy. well he finally started pressuring me too much to b e his perfect little rolemodel and so i finally just broke up with him which was awkward because we were living together. it was really strange.

that's when i met DJ. It was love at first sight. We had talked on Downelink for a few weeks. starting when i was with michael but it wasn't even romantic or anything and then i dumped michael and so i escalated mine and DJ's conversations to a different level. Well he would text me every morning and throughout the day. Well this was the last friday in march of 07 and he was texting me and Michael decided to wake up early just to fight with me and in my upset and trying to hold back tears i ran out of the house just counting down the seconds for my cigarette because heaven knows i deserved it.

WELL as i was walking to light rail with tears goin 'down my face i remember texting kevin who is one of my best friends up here in sac. he is an amazing guy. then in the middle of those texts I still remember DJ text me. earlier than usual and said

"goodmornin mister. hope you have a great day!"

and that just made me smile. so we texted back and forth, i told him about what had happened and then he mentioned lunch and i realized oh SHIT i forgot it at home so i told him "well, i guess it's top ramen today because i forgot my lunch"


to make a long story short, he had asked me earlier what my favorite food was and then he text messaged me before my lunch and asked me where i worked and he said he wanted to bring me lunch and i said no you don't have to do that and he said too bad i already bought it and am driving to citrus heights... it was sooo sweet. so he came and brought it to me and when my manager lisa saw him she was like "Josh, may i speak with you for a second?" and then she pulled me into the office and was like "take the day off. that boy is so CUTE!" hahah. so i left with him, ended up messin' around at his house (like you wanted to know) met his sister and his best friend, hit it off with his sister, not really his best friend, and spent the night there. the next day his uncle needed help moving so i helped him help his uncle and his uncle and aunt liked me and then the next day i babysat for bruce and heather and denise.

i was sad to say goodbye to dj because it was literally love at first sight. for both of us... he got to meet all of my friends and they LOVED him. then he left and then they left. as soon as he left he was texting me. heather ended up calling me telling me if dj wanted to come over then he could so i told dj and he was back in granite bay and we started watching spaceballs while the children slept. and then he asked me to be his boyfriend. i said yes.

ok this was a 3 day time period. i talk shit to people who do that.

well that was sunday night. monday he takes me to work and kisses me goodbye. i had the best day at work that day until michael texts me. oh shit. i forgot about him. we live together and everything. wow. well he starts texting me wondering where i've been all weekend and why i haven't been home and why my phone was off. uhhh. ohhh. well he starts threatening me and yelling at me like a crazy mother fucker and what not and dj caught wind of it and then of course like the lesbians we are. dj and i moved in with eachother
day 4.
wow.

we were in paradise until august. we both had melt downs and decided we needed 6 months of not living together. well in the 30 minute time period we broke up i had texted my friends up here having a break down because i loved him. hell. not in love with him but i still do love him to this day. i always will. well once we decided to get our own places for 6 months. then heather my "friend" calls me and says that her and her husband bruce talked about it and they wanted me to move in with them and help them with their business while DJ and i went through our stuff. i knew i should have said no but i didn't. i said yes because i k new they needed help with their business. fast forward to november. dj and i break up. i had a nervous break down, i haven't been the same ever since. he cheated on me. he broke my heart. we were 2 weeks from closing escrow on a brand new condo together. it had just finished construction. he actually called me and started all of this the day we were supposed to do our final walk through with our builder. it broke my heart.

well. we started talking again in march. still to this day i have not healed. i've never loved anybody so much. well. in the mean time i was living with bruce and heather and heather ottally took advantage of me. i worked between 6-10 hours a day depending on what was going on, and cooked dinner monday-friday plus she wanted me to clean the entire 3000 sq foot house. while she laid in bed and smoked a back of cigarettes a day. well one day in april her and i got into it because she had me come home to help her with groceries and then wanted me to cook. i was at one of my close friend's houses helping her with something for her work. and that lazy fat bitch couldn't do it herself! i couldn't believe it so i just looked at her and said "heather, i was already gone, and i'm leaving again." and she told bruce some huge lie about what i said and i called her on it. i said fuck you and fuck that. i didn't say that. this is what i said, you can lie all you want, you're ungrateful so maybe you should learn to appreciate me. well she kicked me out. she was looking for an easy way out. their house foreclosed and they had to leave and so she was trying to come out without having anything on her conscience so she kicked me out and blamed it all on me in her head.

so i moved in with my house mother in stockton for 2 weeks. house of StatusZ. I had joined a house and if none of you know what a house is or the ball room scene (assuming anyone is reading this) then check it out on wikipedia because it's an amazing thing to be a part of.

Well I got a job at Gulf Pacific in Rancho Cordova and so i stayed with Joe (Dominguez) for like a week 1/2, 2 weeks or so until my new apartment in west sac was ready. well i was still talkin' to my ex and fucking him. turns out he had a bf for a while and lied to me about it. i found that out on my birthday actually. happy birthday to me. whoop dee doo. well. i lost my job at Gulf Pacific and now i'm working for Rosetta Credit Services as an account Executive. I love it and I'm really hoping that it takes off soon. It's commission only which sucks and i am running on empty in my bank account so everyone keep me in your prayers.

Well i tried to keep it short. that was the readers digest version. I skipped over the months of love DJ and i had together but we did. we were the perfect couple that people were jealous of. we were amazing and had an amazing love. i don't know hwat happened to it. i still ask myself that every day... but.. well i woulodn't change anything in the world for what happend because i know it all happened for a reason..

well to those of you who want my new number or wanna keep in contact, hit me up. josh@rosettacredit.com! love you all!!

-Josh

Heh. well I was goin' through all of my old blogs on my old myspace as i was retrofitting it for my new page for work and i just found all kinds of interesting things. As I re-read through my journal entries I see how much i really have matured in the past few years. How easy and carefree life used to be. It's really an amazing thign to be able to look back and see what once was and then look at me now and see the journey. see the road i had traveled and how many bumps i've hit and the uphill battles, but yet i also see once i got to the top of those peaks how beautiful my view was, and how easy it was on those down hill coasts. I guess I have changed a lot in my life! :-) for those of you who haven't talked to me in forever definately hit me up! i'll do a post pretty soon here lettin' everyone know all that has gone on in my life.

ok, so i want to write ab ook and i started writing but it's more a collection of a few memories... if you guys could read and tell me what you think. the beginning kind of rambles on about my child hood but it gets better i think once you skip that... so lemme know what oyu thikn. i'd rather you read the second half if oyu only read part of it.. thanks :-)

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love ya guys

this is so different for me from any other relationship that i've ever had. I'm feeling domesticated and i only want him. Nobody else even interests me . . . I think i'm in love. . . I didn't think i was still capable of loving someone but this fool has got me all twisted up in himself. I've gone through hell and back and i'm hoping this will last forever

half full or half empty?


half empty...

i hate that stupid controlling thing he does and how he always has to be right. i hate how he's so cold sometimes and why he is so forceful with making me be on a diet. i hate how he leaves to go out to the club when i can't go and i sit at home alone waiting for him to come back... i hate it. why can't he just cuddle with me and kiss me like i wish he would?

half full...

i love how he looks out for me and drives me to be the best that i can be. he won't hesitate to tell me when i'm wrong because i usually am. he listens to everything i say and ehars how i hate my body so he helps me do something about it and makes me stick to a healthy diet not only for my physical health, but so i can keep loving myself. i get so jealous when he goes out to the club with his friends because i can't be there but yet i go out with my friend for long periods of time and over night and he trusts me not to be shady and creep on him. he doesn't like to kiss but he shows me attention when he rubs my head and cooks me dinner, takes me to the movies, and tells me it's not his bed without me in it...



i am so afraid to say the l-word because it seems that's when i get taken advantage of and things go to hell but i love this one so much. i need to just buckle down and do whatever it takes to get it to work because he means too much for me to just bounce on that special bond we have together. we're so friggin' different yet we have some similar likes.



when i ask myself is my glass half full or half empty? i need to remember it's more than half full


what do you think?

All new look for an all new me. all new myspace page. check me out guys. love ya!



~{Joshua Jamison}~

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so yeah. im' moving to the bay area soon. i got a DUI so ya. that really sucks. and makes me not talk to alot of people. i think i'm goin' to SF tomorrow to look for jobs and to check out some apartments. . . I'm excited for that. hopefully i can see jake! i miss jake and i miss trev too. when i move i'll get to see those two more often! hehe. i'm so excited. i have lotsa friends up there i miss.... so hopefully i'll get to see them all soon.... anywayz people. i've converted to myspace. hence why i'm never on here. i blog on there more. . . ok loves, i gotta go. peace out

Miko

ok, sometimes because of the way that the gay community acts i feel like it's against the rules to like anyone, it's punishable by death if you fall in love and you only can have sex. never be in love. fuck that shit. i'm so tired of hearing shit about people. it's so stupid. i don't care. and when i do care, i care enough that i'll find it out myself instead of just listening to what some person said to me. grrrr..... i think i figured out why i don't date. there's too many bitter people around here and the few people that aren't bitter hear so much shit about everyone of us that they're even afraid to open themselves or even see what kinda person you can be and that you are. garr!!!! sorry. this blog is not well worded at all and it's kinda going in circles. i'm just frustrated of people being treated like someone's property and everyone talking shit about someone else. do you know how long it seems it's been since i've heard good about people? it's so refreshing to me to hear "ya. i'm so pissed at what they did... but they're still a good person. and i wish the best for them" yeah. one person (gay boy wise) has EVER said that to me. not about me but to me about someone else. I am afraid to even know what is said about me behind my back..... heaven knows it's only half true. . .blah. i dunno. it seems to me that we all do stuff that isn't in our normal character anywayz. only God knows that I have. . . we'll see. whatever. . .i'm kinda done with this incoherent rant (no i'm not high or drunk... maybe that's why it doesn't make sense.... hrmmmmm...) but yeah. i'm just so frustrated right now cuz i'm kinda just noticing everything around me and realizing that some of the reasons that i'm not as happy as i used to be are because people just have to start shit alot. . . . *sigh* that's so weird. . . . .oh well. . . . i just wish people were.... more like my friends. . . so. . . kinda and caring and nice and sweet. . .and when i say friends, i don't mean people i party with or that i see every feew months or when you're home on vacation. i mean people that i talk to daily or even keep touch with when you're gone (*cough* frank brenda *cough* pick up your phones). i dunno....... i'm just over people. not gay boys. . just normal unintelligent lifeless people that have nothing better to do with their time.. ok. mindless rant done..... now i can go finish laundry and then umm... fix the computer... oh. ps. rennizzle's getting the sickest Christmas present ever!!!!


ps..... someone take me to a concert for christmas. . . or the meladrama or some theater production.... i love going to those...


pps..... does someone wanna go to church with me on Christmas eve? that'd be awesome if someone wanted to :-D *wink wink nudge nudge* (someone better go or else i'll.... hrmmmm.... i dunno..... i'll do something evil.)

oh.. ppps...... don't ask me about anyone pleeeease... i am tired of my words being changed. it's just getting old now.... >:O


pppps... how many p's can you put on ps until it gets rude?

yeah... i reallly only use myspace anymore..... oh well :-) heh. i'm alive... not looking forward to break. really don't wanna see anyone so i know theyh're all gonna call wanting to hang out. whatever. lah. i'll just not answer my phone. lol.