*honest opinions wanted*

So every once in a while sperm donor decides he wants to pick jaiden up. The one time he was real and showed up I let him go ONLY for my son. But as we all know he is crazy. the next day i went out and did some running around... and went tanning. sperm donor BLEW up my phone. literally! because i didnt answer. he left on my voicemail to leave the dude alone i was fuckin n think about my son that he wanna talk to me. then said nvm fuck it me and j are gone. were leaving down south and ima keep him.... some shit like that. so clearly i trip. i called him and tripped like crazy on him. So ever since then i have been scared to let j stay with him because he didnt that time but how do i know he wont try it for real.

Anyway. sperm donor always says he wants jaiden but ALWAYS blows it off. and i dont care. jaiden is too little to truly understand he was blown off. When he does ask to get him i tell him he gotta get him sunday from my gram and have him back by tuesday morning. he cant come to me because he is not dependable. and if he says hes coming 99/100 times he isnt showing up. i gotta work i dont have time to play games. well like i said he NEVER comes.

Last night he decides he does want to get him. or so he says. his mom called and left a message and said he was going to get him. but if he showed up my gram would have called me. and she didnt. so idk. he called me and said he went but they didnt answer. i doubt that. but w/e.

Am i wrong i dont want jaiden to stay over his dads?

~ he doesnt help even a little tiny bit support him. & hasnt helped since 2007. When i wasnt financially stable if i needed money i went to my gram. she helped buy food, clothes, diapers, shoes, socks, helped pay bills if i needed it. If it wasnt for her I dont know where i would be with my son. because his dad never offered a dollar. even if he has a little bit of money. just saturday he had money, gave what he owed to his auntie. didnt offer me anything. not what he owes me or 4 jaiden.

~ All 3 houses he stays at are unsafe. they are in a bad neighborhood. His mamas house is the best choice but its in a bad neighborhood. i mean bad. and i dont want my son in that enviroment. then theres the fact of the nasty dogs. NASTY. the house smells literally like shit. its not sanitary. and who knows who comes in and out of the house. Then his auntie has 2 grown men livin in her basement, they are her kids. but they sell drugs. smoke weed in the house. have crack heads coming in and out. for his mamas bday i saw 2 crackheads come in and buy then leave, i sure as fuck dont want my baby in the house without me. then his brother. last time i was there he didnt even have heat. and its dirty. and again party house. dont know who would be in and out. my son is my life. and i couldnt stand it if someone hurt him. i know his dad loves him and wouldnt intentionally let him get hurt. but he isnt going to follow him around like i do.

~ then the fact he cusses, smokes and does whatever in front of jaiden. he is only 3. i dont let him watch violent things. i dont party wen hes home, i dont bring strangers around him. i dont cuss in front of him. i dont put his dad down in front of him, which his dad says im a bitch and hates me and hopes i die. to my 3 year old.

~ and im scared like i said he might take him. idk if he would but he might. and he never shows up wen he says he will. and wen i tell him to have him home at a certain time he never does. even wen he picks him up and goes to the park.

Overall besides financially he is a pretty ok dad. in front of me. because i can say dont do that watch ur mouth blah blah. but at his mamas or where ever i cant make sure my son isnt being exposed to anything he shouldnt. i mean i want my son to have his dad. i know he needs him. but this boy is my life and so much runs thru my head. what COULD happen. that on top of i do everything myself. MYSELF. no help at all and i cant even stomach calling him dad. it takes more than a phone call and an i love you to be a dad. ughh. am i being selfish?! or am i right on not letting him stay over there. With all this i am just fine letting him come see him at my house. meet somewhere or let him take him out for a couple hours.

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