I wish I could write an entry a day for the whole month of October!! I wish I could create for even half the month of October! All of my stuff is everywhere upstairs & I'm totally uncentered because of it (and other things). I sound like a tuberculosis case, my lungs sound like I'm trying to breath through cheesecloth dipped in cement. It's a struggle to walk more than 50 feet. But I feel better than I did. Of course, my appetite isn't affected. Ever. God no! I'd go to the hospital if that ever happened. Can't. Affect. The. Appetite! October 17th. Same thing basically but a little better, healthwise anyway. Today (my one day off) I'm feeling a little sluggish and chilled for some damn reason, damn it!! Have I contracted Ebola? Ugh!! I have to haul my moldy ass to the shower soon because I've signed up to work for 48 straight starting tomorrow morning at 9a. Hopefully it wont be too awfully bad? Kellen's b-day party is tomorrow at 1p. ("Eemaw! I'm having a Lightning MCQueen cake!") He's soooo cute. He talks so well that I don't understand what he's saying! I don't expect those words to come out of his mouth! "Eemaw! Hear the plane?" What, Kellen? "Hear it? Hear the plane, Eemaw?" What are you saying, Kellen? "You hear it, Eemaw? Up in the sky? Hear the plane?" he's pointing up at the sky. He was 3 on October 7th. And we'll see his little brother, Easton. Awwww! And that fucking cunt bitch Sheena, maybe if she decides to bless us with her fucking stupid presence. I've decided that I'm going to try to get near her boyfriend, Micheal who is cute and obviously clueless when it comes to women. No matter what, I'm going to try to get a good look at her... she's usually distant and doesn't say anything. Ah fuck, I'll probably be so busy with Craig and Mat and Mom!
Yeah. THAT'S WHAT I SAID!! Geesh! I said, "The first FULL day!!!" I've been sick since at least last Thursday. Today is Tuesday. I know, I should be better and have the strength to move small buildings by now but I'm not. I've been home (from work) since about 1 o'clock (because I still don't have the luxury of taking a sick day when I need it and I had to work the past 52 hours, unfortuately... although, seriously, I'm consider myself lucky to be paid for all of those hours, even if I do only earn not quite 12$ an hour) and although I should lay down and try to rest, I don't. It seems like all I want to do is sit around and find things to be irritated about. That fucking fan oscolating... blowing the dog fur further into my ailing lungs, the dog fur!!! WTF??? Yes, I love the dogs but did you fucking forget?? Neither of them are even mine??? Yes, I'm glad that Peanut doesn't have to live her last sinility ridden years out with your psychotic, neurotic X-wife (yes, okay, and beautiful, okay maybe not beautiful, cute, okay? cute, too. (Jesus!) who you seem as smitten with now as you must have the day you married her, my God, I think sometimes that the only reason you aren't back with her again is because she won't have you) but don't you think you could at least manage half of their care? That would include fur patrol especially when I feel like such shit? Yeah, I guess not. Oh, and the other thing that doesn't happen (the minute I step foot back into the house... or is it ever??? No wonder they love me!!) is they don't get fed or watered! What the fuck? I'm irritated because every fucking pore on my face itches and the fur doesn't help it. I'm irritated because the groceries that I picked up on Sunday are still (is that proudly? Stupidly? Unconsciously?) sitting on the kitchen table. Why? You don't know where we keep the toilet paper by now? You want to show it off? Or is it below your dignity to put it away??? Do you think that's my job? (Along with all of the other jobs that you forget about or don't have time for?) More likely, he just doesn't see any reason to do those things?? Who cares if you eat/breath/wear fur? He probably thinks the 3 pack of Kleenex ARE put away, right next to the almost empty box. We need toilet paper in the kitchen,,, on the dining table... it'll come in handy there, along with that empty roll that you didn't realize could come off the spindle either. I'm irritated because I swear to God that he runs the dishwasher just so that he doesn't have to load it any more.... because well, "There are clean dishes in there" and again, it's my job to put the clean dishes away or idk.... maybe eventually the clean dishes just telatransport eventually? Or... maybe it's a time schedule issue? Who cares if there are dishes in the sink? We still have dishes to eat off of? Ugh!! Oh well. He's got his own set of problems. I should have some mercy on him. (Don't fucking tell me not to go help my daughter who could use some help adjusting after the birth of her last child! You obviously aren't concerned about my energy levels when it comes to the work around OUR domain, you bastard!!) Damn it! My drink is empty, is it really too much to ask to be able to get a drink without being followed by both dogs who obviously know who gives them the better attention!!? I feel bad about disturbing him while he takes a 2 hour nap on the couch?? WTF is wrong with me? I need to be more like his silly daughter (and x-wife) suck up into myself more. I need to be more like him! Not give a fucking shit. Not be conscious of anything except my own fucking agenda and needs. Yeah!! That's right. Let's talk about me me me!! The problem is that it's so NOT me me me!! I keep touching the wrong key (or something) and losing this entry or shrinking it so that I can't read it... oh, wait, maybe it's because my stomach keeps flopping up on the keyboard? Fucking bastard. Fucking pig fucker!! I checked out his daughter's Facebook page. Okay, yes, I stalk her sometimes, I admit it. I'm not stalking her because I ...uh.... want to see what she's doing in her glamorous and beautiful life. I want to make sure she's doing okay, Ha ha ha. She's a slightly more expensive version of my neice. A bit of a train wreck. She and her cousin are renting a house in Las Vegas. She has 2 dogs (maybe 3) and her cousin has at least 1. She just got back from a "mini va-ca" in St.Padre maybe? Hmmmm.... she doesn't post any no real info about that "mini va-ca", no pictures, no clues as to what she did or who she went with.... (if I close my eyes and pretend well enough it's a lot like one?), I suspect that she gets paid for them and they include being eye candy and having sexual encounters with straners. Okay... I also wonder how long it's going to take before she and her "lovely" cousin have a breakdown in understanding. I wouldn't like the innuendos about my big ass from her skinny skanky ho one, I know that. Also, I've seen how attentive she is to her animals... she must have to leave them in her bedroom. I just don't see her as ideal room mate material. Not real consciencious, careful, thoughtful or bright.
June 22, 2014 Sunday 10:15p. I wish that I wasn't so tired by the time I sat down each night. It would be really nice to be able to write something halfway worth reading. I'm at C & M's house tonigh, for not my usual 24 hour shift but a (relatively shorter) 17 hour shift. Sitting at Ganga's computer... I did disifect it but will wash my hands well afterwards... it' s not his hands that are the issue but his overspray! There is a picture of my formerly beautiful neice to my left, her high school graduation picture. I was going to say something about her self image thoughts... but truthfully? Who knows what she really thinks? These days she obviously doesn't think much about anything. I hear, however, that she has totally destroyed her looks which is a complete shame. She is thin, haggard and has lost several of her front teeth. She has scars on her forhead from her wonderful husbands shows of affection. And her personality which used to be bright, cheery and helpful is now bitter, self-absorbed and dull. Full of drugs. I heard that she recently had a meeting her only child, a daughter who she hasn't spent any quality time with for over 2 years now, & her daughter basically told her that she was disgusted by her. Of course, Curly cried. Of couse, none of this is her fault. She told the lies that she has been living to her daughter. "I'm like this because it's everyone else's fault. I did nothing to deserve any of this. None of this is my fault!" "I lost my job because of my back injuries," not, "I lost my job because I stole narcotics from a patient who was supposed to get them." "I have a PTSS because my brother raped me when I was 6," not, "I'm looking for any excuse to use drugs and shirk responsibilites and people were getting tired of hearing that losing my (half) sister (who I didn't spend much time with while she was alive) affected me so much and made me depressed. And everyone recovers from losing their grandparents. Oh and since I was 6 when my brother raped me, that would have made him 8... and the whole rape story started out as a "playing doctor" and morphed over the years into this horrible experience that I've endured... my God Damned mother!" Hopefully her dau
Mother's Day, 2014 Oh My God!! I have been so busy that it's not even funny. I don't understand how the (ugh! I hate to even have to say these words about him because in my, albeit ever so humble, opinion, the fucker doesn't deserve the honor of such a title) father of my children (2 of whom turned out quite decent, no thanks to him), the (ugh) man who I spent the second 18 years of my life with, can claim boredom. How does anyone become bored? I don't get it. I think what he means to say is "depressed"? "Overwhelmed"? "Aimless"? It's 11p and I've just gotten the chance to sit down. Oh yeah, maybe he is actually bored? Get a job you loser! (You and Carlee Jo & your son). You're about as disabled as I am and that's not. Your disability is in your head. It's a convenience for when you want to get out of responsibilities or work or whatever. So, until I can sit down I can think of a trillion zillion things to write. Things like Ms. R. and her "17" dogs. She told me that someone called Animal Protection on her. She does have a "slight" problem, I noticed, with collecting dogs and furniture and hobbies and dishes and cats and things. Lots of things. And she claims that her dogs are flea-less and clean but they're not. They actually stink and I'm sorry but I think they reinfected Zoe. R. kindof drives me crazy. I think she loves coming here because it's clean, it's not cluttered (I can't imagine her place, talk about overwhelming!) and the guys aren't too bad to work with. She claims to do all kinds of work while she's here but, no, I don't think so much. Matt's floor is in bad need of dust mopping still! I swear she brings her own laundry in to wash and has the audacity to bitch about their "shitty washing machine"... and I see a spider crawling across the ceiling.... brb. I always clean Craig's room when it needs it, I clean the kitchen floor, change the kitty litter and clean the oven. She brings her big, stinky, drooly dogs in, has a million excuses for why she can't go for a walk with the guys, lets her dogs lie on the furniture, on the sheet I use at night. And you know what? Whatever, I don't really care, not that much. But don't act like taking care of my brothers is a big imposition. Hello??? Did you forget why you're here? What you're getting paid for? I haven't seen much of her on Facebook this weekend... maybe she's trying to address some of the Animal Protection issues. She's way too trusting of them. They supposidly told her that she doesn't need to license service dogs. That's bullcrap if I've ever heard it. IDK, all I know is that it's Monday now, almost Tuesday. She texted me on Sunday morning (9a) saying that she couldn't work the shift she traded with me. WTF? Whatever. Don't fucking cry because you don't have any money next week, lady! Not my problem. She's flying a dog out to it's new owner? The money she spends on invetro fertilization and flying and whatever else sure would go a long ways to putting a roof on her house or a fence around her yard. I don't think that's ever going to happen. I just don't get it. She was here for 24 hours Sun-Mon... Craig had dirty clothes, Matt had dirty clothes and there was a big load of everything the boys wear in one day in the dryer. That screams, "I had to wash my clothes here because my washer isn't working or I don't have the time to wash at home or something," to me. Gah! Going to bed. I'm tired. From working my ass off, Frank. Try it you creep.
I rather enjoy reading back on these intermittent spews. They kind of amuse the hell out of me, actually. doing so has inspired me to write this. We're (me, Chip, Ganga, Matzuball & deMamma) are 1 thousand 3 hundred and something miles away from our SO's, spouses, homes, animals & families in Florida. And we will be for another 9 days. Oh... & before I get carried away too far (because I do that) today = March 21, 2014. The weather here was a gorgeously warm 82 degrees. Michigan will be lucky to reach 60 degrees by May, at least according to the forecasts I've seen, because of the colder than usual winter we've had & the Great Lakes freezing almost totally over. Ha ha ha! I'm laughing about how little (slowly/rarely) things change (not Michigan's sucky weather). The niece is STILL hating on me because I suggested that she use Tylenol or some physical therapies to help relieve her back pain issues. What an uncaring, unsupportive aunt I am to not understand that she needs her drugs and her mother's too in order to manage her pain! This is why she unfriended me on FB (I discovered this in an on-line conversation that she had with "grandma"..."grandma" was really on her game that day, I'm telling you what, & if Carlee had any kind of a clue at all she'd have known that there is no way that she was talking to grandma. No fuck in way. But Carlee is so busy covering her own tracks that hasn't got the time [or the energy] to figure out someone else's tracks). She is still living with her soul mate, the sexual offender Ferret in the home of Mitch, a man who she calls her "brother". She just makes me sick. Mitch has a girlfriend named Becca (Kellogg) who apparently doesn't like to smile a "toothy smile" either because she never does. Another cute girl. We're relatively sure that Mitch likes to smack Becca around too. Becca has a brood of kids who she doesn't have custody of. Right up The nieces alley! If she could have more kids, I'm sure she'd have had some for Ferrett because its such a lovely way to say how much she loves him! Yuck! She has spent some jail time for not paying towards her daughter's medical care & we hear that she was arrested for shoplifting from Kohl's. She allegedly resisted arrest & was charged with a felony. Nice way to clean up, chica! The son is doing just as well. I am currently unable to see Alley. Abrupt ending, I need to make sure that's fiancé is contactable.
She has stooped to a new Bubby low. It was probably another of their get rich quick schemes that (huh!?) didn't work. Claiming that her mother violated her medical information privacy. #1)Prove it you stoopid drug seeking low life scum. B.)What could your mother possibly uncover that you haven't already puked all over town? My God!! Do you forget how you've made a fool out of yourself in that town? That you've been picked up by the cops half dressed in the middle of the night, "incoherent"?
I do write about this in my written journal too but lately I haven't had the time to purge enough of this venom, I guess, to get it completely out of my system. It looks like the sperm donor is the neice's new BFF on Facebook these days. Yes, that is as disgusting as it sounds. Yeah, hell, they both can spend their days bouncing between a euphoric high (where they're everybody's everything) to bemoaning their self-created situations, (wonding why the world makes them suffer so much), providing "the world", their "fans", their "following" (all 4 or 5 of the people who don't bother to point out the inconsistencies in their exsistence) with status updates that could easilly be posted by a 12 year old. Dear neice, who is about as "disabled" as the sperm donor is, is jobless once again. She has exhausted her mother's mercies but visits her Daddy Oh from time to time, I'm sure, just to see if the manipulation fruits are ripe for the picking. Her facebook posts are horrifically lame, transparent ploys for the attention that she has always needed so much of. All kinds of those pre-made "status funnies", which would be more amusing if I didn't know the details of her pitiful life. If she would only spend as much time and energy on her personal business as she does on updating her status' she might have half a chance of healing and being healthy again. Really?? One wonders, doesn't she see this "wonderful husband" of hers? Why would she post a pic of a full body tattoo and ask, "Imagine this with cherry blossoms, Ferrett, what do you think?" on Facebook? Hmmmm... well, I'm no rocket scientist but I've got an idea about all of that. She might as well just posted, "Hey, everybody and anybody!!! I am brave and I am beautiful and sexy and I want to hear you all say it!!!" Seriously? That's not a status she could have just taken into the bedroom with her that night? I'm sure you might think that I'm just being catty, that maybe I am envious of her youth and her "beautiful and sexy body". And it is true, if she had a personality and the emotional fortitude to match her body there might be good reason to be jealous. No, I am not jealous. I am disgusted. I am embarrassed for her mother, for her family, for her daughter. What kind of shit is that? "Something to start saving for", she posts. Saving what for??? Ahem!! Or did you forget? You're NOT working!! Your "wonderful husband" has only been at his job for 5 weeks, maybe?? There are several bets wagered about how long that will last too. You live with his parents. You have a warrent out for your arrest because you owe $$ for your child's health care expenses. A child you have pretty much deserted. A child you have given up because you can't pass a piss test long enough to see her. This is why I can't stand to see you post the shit about "missing children" on your Facebook page. Does it occur to you that your child is missing you?!!??? You post crap about our "horrible government" all of the time and yet you are in search of a doctor who will qualify you as disabled so you can suck the funds off of it? Guns???? Just shut up! You couldn't hold up your end of a political argument for even 10 seconds. Get a life. Get off the drugs. Realize that your "wonderful husband" is even less wonderful than the last idiot you divorced and do something for yourself, Ms. Strong Girl. Oh, and as for the mourning of your older sister? (You think she'd be proud of you now?) How much attention did you pay her while she was alive? I'm just curious. How often did you visit her? How often did you call her or reach out to her? Huh? That's what I thought. You paid about as much attention to her while she was alive as you do to your own daughter and that ain't much!!! Quit posting the pictures of the pitbulls and the abandoned animals, be a real caring person and take care of the child and animals that "mean the world to you". Right? Right. Do it before you're begging for sympathy (and attention) because it's too late.
I wrote about most of this shit in my actual journal but I've thought a bit further about it and just wish that I could express my thoughts to the idiots who need to hear them... I suppose that's the problem though, the idiots don't listen enough to hear anyone else's thoughts. I hear that Karen is calling her mother and bitching because, "Dad didn't even want Sharon at his funeral!" WUT? She's a psychotic whackjob. Don't you think you should just shut the hell up and go back to taking care of your family, Karen? Like you did before you decided to get involved in your dad's care 6 months before he died? Take your stupid little sister with you. And Nancy? "It's not the time?" Just because you don't have the backbone to stand up for what's right and what's wrong doesn't mean that no one else should. When do you suggest we talk about the 55 year old jerk who insists on flipping pictures of other family members face down on the table every time someone else rights it? Seriously? That's acceptable behaviour but my questioning it isn't? You're all a bunch of fucked up idiots. He's such a lilly livered clod that he couldn't even look me in the face and tell me why he was doing it... not that any reason is excusable. It wasn't his funeral, it was his father-in-law's funeral. It's not up to him to decide who's pictures were put out. He needs to spend some of his time and energy teaching his 33 year old fish mongering daughter some proper funeral etiquette if he's so damn worried about how things should be? It would be nice if Christina went over and offered her Grandmother even a hug over the loss of her Grandfather, but no, we didn't see that happen, did we? Nope. Seems to me that the only reason Christina was there was to add to your ridiculous game of "who's got the biggest team"... or maybe she just needed more food to maintain that 200 pound hulk she's hauling around? She did nothing even close to what most people do when they go to a funeral home. Oh... well, maybe that's because she never bothered to visit her grandparents while they were alive either, huh?
Stupidity continues to abound. The niece (who's brain is soft and apparently extremely paranoid from too many drugs) posts a ridiculous FB rant addressed to "those who voted for" the current president. She says that she hopes they're all happy with this "Muslim, Kenyan asshole being in office"because "he just signed an executive order that enables US government officials to secretly assassinate US citizens on American soil. Also, once that order was signed...not one, but 2 different men who were affiliated with guns in one way or another were found dead. One in a suspicious car accident and the other was found with a gunshot to the head. Scared yet?" She goes on to cite the exchange between Alex Jones and Peirs Morgan as proof of...? I'm not sure what? ..how calm Peirs can be in the face of that ranting lunatic? I didn't vote for Obama but I'm telling you what, I'd rather be stuck in a room with Mr. O and no guns than stuck in a room with my drugged up niece, her idiotic and enabling piece of shit husband and Alex Jones and ALL of the guns in America. In the end, I'm pretty sure I'd be safer AND saner. My brother (my "flaming liberal" brother) who is also, according to my oh-so-well versed and obviously well educated niece, a simple "lemming" and is going to be led to his death by the liberal news media, tried to debate some of her "facts" and found himself in a face to face (well, alright, facebook to facebook) with her foodstanp using, unemployed, lying felon of a husband. Dear niece either doesn't have the thought to straighten her "soulmate" husband out on some issues OR the fortitude, either way, it's a sad exsistence that she lives, not much different than the exsistence she had with her previous (also "perfect" & "the man of her dreams") husband who I'm certain she thought she could "fix" and "mold" to her liking IF ONLY she could love him enough. It's most likely true that she is no longer employed. She isn't able to have even supervised visits with her 10 year old daughter because she continues to test positive to opiates, benzoids and THC. Good job there mamma who married a sexual offender!! I do not give a shit what the "facts of the case" are, the fact of the matter is this: by marrying him you chose him over your daughter. She will never be able to come visit you or stay with you as long as you are married to him and she is under the age of 18. Any real man, any man who actually gave a shit and was making better choices as a result of his "past mistake" would never have asked you to marry him 1 month after getting a divorce and while you were fighting for visitation rights with your child. Take as many drugs as you want, smoke as much weed and drink all the booze you can, it's not going to change the stupid decisions you made and it's not going to help how others see you. Don't care? (Obviously!) You will some day and hopefully by then it won't be too late.
In other insidious news: Genesee County continues to send us on wild goose chases and still manages to avoid giving REAL answers and viable solutions. We are now requesting a 307 transfer (3 years and many, many, many conversations and phone calls later) I think... but no one seems to know for sure. I mentioned the word "lawyer" during a voicemail message Tuesday... hahaha! Well, at least that seems to have caught someone's attention which is more than what we've had since starting this whole debacle. Good. We have dealt with them in good faith for long enough. They've done nothing but give us the runaround. We are sick to death of it. Genesee County Community Mental Health of Flint Michigan, your customer service sucks!! For an agency whose mission is to be "committed to providing quality care for all its clients. The safety and well being of our clients is the paramount consideration of all GCCMH’s activities. In furtherance of this commitment, GCCMH strives to promote honesty, integrity and high ethical standards in the work environment and to comply with all applicable federal state statutes and regulations and other legal and ethical obligations," you fail miserably!
