maynardsong, posts by tag: wishful thinking - LiveJournal

1. WHAT ARE YOU MEANT TO BE DOING RIGHT NOW? lesson plan for my class, enroll for a class this summer, job hunt
2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING AT THE MOMENT? The Dragon Reborn and re-reading The Red Pyramid
3. WHATS IN YOUR CD PLAYER RIGHT NOW? a mix tape that has Silversun Pickups, someone's version of "The Gentleman is a Dope", Chevelle, and others
4. FAVOURITE BAND? Avenged Sevenfold, Rise Against, Puscifer, Incubus, I'm sure I've missed a lot
5. FAVOURTIE SONG BY THIS BAND? "A Little Piece of Heaven", "Save Me", "I Won't See You Tonight"; "Roadside"; "Momma Sed", "Horizons"; "Pardon Me", "Adolescents"
6. FAVOURITE COLOUR? most shades of green
7. WHY? it's the color of environmental sustainability and of Ariel's fish tail

9. HOW MANY PEOPLE CAN YOU COUNT AS REAL FRIENDS? I dunno. somewhere between 5 and 10?
10. HOW MANY PEOPLE THAT YOU KNOW OF HATE YOUR GUTS? I have no idea.
11. BEST TRAIT IN A PERSON? Listening to me and actually caring. Judging people on things like compassion and humility rather than say celibacy or something.

12. WORST TRAIT: being mean

13. YOUR OWN BEST TRAIT? mad linguistic skills.

14. YOUR OWN WORST TRAIT? I’m opinionated, I think many get put off by it.

15. DO YOU KEEP A DIARY? Yup.

16. WHAT DO YOU WISH YOUR CAR WOULD MAGICALLY TURN INTO OVERNIGHT? A VW Jetta TDI. Stick shift. Red. License plate will read "KH41E5I" and I will name it (her?) Daenerys.

17. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF… YOU WON THE LOTTERY? Buy the VW Jetta TDI I described above, travel the world, spend some to indulge in my own vanity (no invasive procedures though), donate some to Planned Parenthood, some to the Sierra Club, some to my theatre group, pay off my parents' mortgage, use the rest for either a condo or a short-term lease somewhere and a subscription to a CSA.

18. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF… YOU SUDDENLY FOUND OUT YOU HAD MAGICAL POWERS? Make myself fly. And drive stick. And make the damn silver line project be completed to at least Dulles airport.

20. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF … YOU GOT ATTACKED? Bite and/or kick where the sun don’t shine.
21. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU … TALKED TO? Arielle.
22. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU… TEXTED? J.
23. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU … HAD A CRUSH ON? haha, not answering.
24. IT’S THE END OF THE QUIZ, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO NOW? get water.

Easy. Make my bank account grow by like $500 million and raise the interest rates on savings accounts to 5%. Then mind-warp the GOP so that they'd quit being so regressive in their social, environmental, and economic policy. And I'd force rapists and abusers everywhere to empathize with their victims. After that five minutes, I'd buy myself a condo right in downtown DC, and one in Rockville, MD and put my bb bro through college and pay off my parents' mortgage and travel to the places on my bucket list. Then continue to live comfortably, though simply.

My yoni is still searching for a Bollywood heroine to emulate. Oh she thought she had found a goddess in Imran Khan's mom in Jaane Tu Na Jaane Na. But thing is, Imran Khan’s mom wasn't actually the heroine, and more importantly, she still got overtaken by her (dead!) husband with his ridiculous machismo and stupid stache. [make a twirling mustache gesture and shake head]

My yoni wants to know, [angrily] is this the best you can do, Bollywood? Where are the heroines that are treated like people and who don't exist to be conquered by a man? Where are the heroines who feel bona fide desire, rather than just give men hard-ons? Why the hell do they keep getting younger and younger while the men just get older and older? And what in sweet Sarasvati's name is up with the leading men? What makes you think that these "heroes" can do anything good for my yoni? Why do they get away with not following these ridiculous beauty standards that are over-enforced for the heroines?

[more calmly] I’ll tell you why: you see me the same way you see my yoni - passive; empty; an object for MALE feelings, not an agent with authentic feelings. [more heated] What nonsense is this, yaar? I mean, maybe you could show something different from heroes who pursue and assault the innocent and properly unwilling heroines. Step the hell up, Bollywood.
[beat] Unfortunately, I can't just tell you to follow the example of Hollywood, because there too, no means yes, yes means slutty, and "I want to, do you?" is nonexistent.

But perhaps you could beat Hollywood to the punch. What do you say? Perhaps an eco-feminist engineer who plays with her yonimani at least once a week, thinking about her crush with his abs of steel and chiseled features, imagining his strong, yet gentle hands caressing her…
Holy shit, it’s hot in here. [giggles, fans self, clears throat] So where was I? [clears throat again, shakes head like wet dog] Right! Our heroine plays with herself and there's another thing, start acknowledging that the yoni contains a yonimani whose sole purpose is to feel the very desire that you systematically deny that we ladies can ever feel.
Now, the insanely hot guy that drives our heroine to touch herself is the adopted son of her boss, and maybe you could make that boss a woman. A lesbian...with a disability.
Is that unrealistic? Yeah, well, so's breaking into song in the middle of Switzerland.
Now back to our hero's and heroine's love scenes, he doesn’t stalk or harass or ravish, she doesn’t demur or play hard to get. Just two lovers expressing raw and honest feelings unmarred by sexist scripts. It's a start. [beat, smile] My yoni and I are waiting.

Adam Beauford is the son of Aphrodite and a retired Army General who was way hot back in the day. He's been in Camp Half-Blood for five years. When he's not at Camp Half-Blood, he waits tables in DC, where his dad lives in a condo in Dupont Circle. One fine morning, Adam senses monsters disguised as protesters outside the downtown Planned Parenthood. One of the two escorts is a girl and Adam thinks, "She was no Helen of Troy, but if she got rid of the ugly orange vest and put on some makeup, she could have been quite the looker." The girl is letting the more vociferous protester engage her. She's standing her ground, but she's also angry and forcing herself not to let his vitriol get to her. Adam steps in, sets off the Mist, and gets the protesters over to Rock Creek Park where they reveal their true forms - chimerae. Luckily, Percy and Annabeth Jackson-Chase were enjoying Georgetown, and they step in to help Adam. Percy summons the power of the creek, Annabeth uses her Invisibility Cap and celestial bronze knife, and Adam uses one of his mother's hairpins which doubles as a sword much like Percy's own Riptide. The girl in the orange T-shirt - her name is Veena Patil - is getting off duty now and Adam goes back over to Planned Parenthood to do some damage control and get to know Veena. She tells him that she appreciated his standing up to the protesters. She can't see through the Mist, but she has an inkling that there's more to Adam than meets the eye. That and Adam, being the son of Aphrodite and a father who was damn hot back in the day, is painfully good-looking. They get involved. Uh...yeah.

Go to Fairbanks, stay somewhere ridiculously nice, and fly first class with a nice two hour layover in Denver where I'd buy shit from The Body Shop, watch the Northern Lights, do some other Alaskan things, look ridiculously hot, seduce Track Palin, make him fall in love with me, and influence Sarah Palin into the side of light via my passionate liaison with her son. Take pics and videos, share them with my family. Oh and beforehand, buy all the warm gear I'll need for AK. And eat lots of wonderful sustainable Alaskan wild salmon.