[repeatedly into the sky]

scorpivs

that's my new journal.

i'm going to stop using this one and keep it for memories.
my 'high school journal' if you will.

add me if you want.

goodnight loves. ♥

i love our tuesday dates.

ps; those are my new bling glasses.

( Collapse )

THINK FAST SURVEY
Finish the sentence:


1. My ex is still...
a fucking douche.

2. I am listening to...
j-pop to cheer me up.

3. Maybe I should...
clean up my room and my appearance.

4. I love...
watching TV.

5. My bestfriend(s) is/are...
Levi and Mike.

6. I don't understand...
why people always let you down.

7. I lost...
good friends and my dignity.

8. People say...
what they want to believe.

9. The meaning of my screen name is...
personal reflection/song lyric.

10. Love...
is not for me.

11. Somewhere, someone is...
in the army.

12. I will always...
think things over and over again.

13. Forever seems...
far away from now.

14. I never ever want to...
put my trust in anyone again.

15. My mobile phone...
don't have one, probably wont get one for a while.

16. When I wake up in the morning...
i'm kinda cranky but calm.

17. I get annoyed..
when things don't go my way.

18. Parties are...
the embodiment of a decadent generation.

19. My pet(s) is/are...
puchis and mastodon.

20. Kisses are the best when...
there's no tongue involved.

21. Today..
is tuesday.

22. Tomorrow I will...
go to work. again. maybe the mall.

23. I really want..
to be happy.

goddamn i'm so tired.

when i work these week-long runs i don't even know what day of the week it is.
does it even matter?

i got just under 1000 last friday, and i'm not happy.
my mother keeps taking money from my checks, and it pisses me off.
but once i see how she barely pays the bills every month, i get mad at myself for not understanding.
yeah i want new clothes, an ipod, a car, a violin, extensions, piercings.
but saving for college comes first, especially if i'm going to new york.

i have money. a job. friends that i see once in a while.
then why the fuck do i feel so alone and useless?!

i don't know what the hell is missing.

on a side note, that show metalocalypse is the funniest shit ever.

good night everyone. ♥

write 15 statements,
intended for different people.
never tell which is for who.

1. Our time together has come and gone, and I truly don't trust you anymore. Regardless, you've left an empty space.

2. We talk about everything but what we're really feeling, and that's what I love about you. I wish I could be there for you without feeling so awkward.

3. I've grown attached to you in this short period of time, and I really wish you the best in life. I just wish that night wouldn't have happened.

4. Your voice comforts me like no other, and I cherish our conversations more than anything. I wish circumstances were easier between us.

5. I never would've expected to find a friend in you, and you're one of the only people I consider a true friend. Thank you for being there for me when no one else wasn't.

6. Who would've known we still would be friends? I wish we could've had more time before you leave, but I'm glad I was there for you when you needed me.

7. What I feel for you is the closest I can get to love. I don't know if you care as much as I do and it bothers me.

8. I loved chasing after you and I gained so much self confidence in doing so. I will never be able to explain why you mean so much to me.

9. Talking to you last summer made me realize a lot about maturity and actually being an adult. We may have stopped talking, but I'll always remember the comfort of your voice.

10. I really believe that you are my soulmate, and soulmates don't have to be in love. I hope we keep in touch for the rest of our lives.

11. Sometimes I think you hate me for not paying enough attention to you. I don't mean it, I just wish we got along more smoothly.

12. Living in different countries doesn't change the fact that you still go through the same things I do, despite the fact that you're gorgeous. You're such a sweetheart and I hope we meet up someday.

13. Oh god do I hate you. But I can't deny the fact that you've made such a huge impact on my life. You've shaped me into the person I am and taught me everything I need to know about human interaction. I guess I can't hate you that much.

14. I'm angry that you never gave me a real chance to show you what a great person I am, and I feel that you used me. But I'm glad you never made promises you couldn't keep. I know you cared, to some extent.

15. Even though we fight all the time, I only do because I love you. I feel so stupid because I couldn't see that you were going through something disastrous, right in our basement. I promise to be there for you, forever.

so my face is sunburnt again. :/

but going to the pool was fun, minus the sun stroke and falling out of my stupid top 465243 times.

nada is so damn pretty. i hope she ends up dating my brother someday.

i'm glad that christen didn't get into trouble either.

i think i would've had a much better time if it wasn't so fucking hot today.

i feel so self concious when i go to the pool, because i don't look quite the same as the rest of the skinny girls. that's probably one of the only times when i really hate being the size i am.

at the end of the day i'm healthy, cause i do monstrous exercise at work, and that's all that matters, right?

when i come home at the end of the day i just can't help feeling alone.

i guess i love to be morbid in this journal. i'm a lot happier off the interwebs, promise.

i need to find something that fufills me again.

<3333

september 15: MASTODON, converge, the bronx.

september 21 (or september 23 in toledo): byzantine and demericous.

september 24: gigantour 2006 - megadeth, lamb of god, opeth, arch enemy, etc.

october 17: iron maiden!

october 27: KATATONIA, daylight dies, moonspell.

yayyy

ps; kse did a cover for holy diver. i love it.

levi sent me a letter from BT.
it was short, but i'm glad he didn't forget about me.
what a most pleasant surprise.

no work until saturday.
fat paycheck on friday.

finally got new glasses/sunglasses.
jelly got me a myspace hat from warped tour.

walked round d-bo with megan tonight; saw bianca, ramsey and youssef.
more and more surprises.

i feel really fucking old.
but you learn to appreciate things like sleeping and taking showers.

i'm real glad that i'm spending time with christen before she leaves.

so my plan right now is to work and save up as much money as possible until i'm able to go to college here.
if i have to wait then so be it i guess.

the purpose of life still puzzles me, but maybe looking for it is the whole point.

i'm making a new journal once the summer is over; this is going to be my high school journal.
i'm still thinking of a new username.

down, set, go.

smirnoff really helps me sleep.
but i do crazy shit because of it.

no ecuador for me. not worth it.

i've been having such crazy-ass dreams.
god knows what they mean.

i really miss cameron. i don't think i've missed someone this much.
i hope he's okay, because i've been envisioning the worst.
he really does mean a lot to me.

if the rest of my life is supposed to be cleaning and hanging out with friends i think i might go insane.
that might be enough for some people, but it isn't enough for me.
i need some sort of stimulation, some purpose in life.
i know in my heart that my goal is to see the world, above anything else.

i was watching a lot of anime last night and i really want to go into the gaming industry, possibly as a composer or doing animation.
trying to envision myself doing that just felt right.

i sound really cheesy right now.
but i have lots of time to think at work.

i'm stuck in a rut and i hate it.

how quickly i forget that this is meaningless.

i'm really sick of not having energy to go to work.
my body can't stand working every day for 7 or more days on end like everyone else and it infuriates me.

and if i do go out after work, i'm just more tired. :/
so i really don't win.

it was worth seeing megan, chris, rina, lena and cims.
i've never seen christen actually act ghetto before. i loved it.

i REALLY want to go see the autumn offering on sunday.
someone come with meee.

jamie's back in town.
we're hopefully going to play pool tonight. :)

peace niggas.
i'm going to work.

♥