this is a beatdown of love

ETA since this is being shared elsewhere: Liver and pelvic masses found on CT scan for back issues with huge copays for imaging tests, and the worry of how I'll manage surgery while homeless. This is why the greater push for help. *sigh*

So here goes, long time no update. Typed part on my phone, so it rambles, but I lay most of it out by the end.

Because of my health, I'm probably losing my home again. I had to surrender my cats to my dad's cousin because I can't afford them and one needed vet care. I'm losing my car because I can't afford to fix it. My insurance won't pay for my MRI, any shots, or any testing of what they suspect may be a cyst or growth in my pelvis that's maybe pressing on the nerves that are keeping me from walking or sitting without pain. I'm in pain all the time. A third corrected tax form 1095-A (with wrong information filled in by the insurance company) just came in the mail as I was going to send the second completed set of returns, delaying my refund another god knows how long as I try to prove it's incorrect and send in return #4.

I can't afford bankruptcy because it's $1500, they won't take payments, and I have to pay my landlady what I owe her first (I can't work more than 4 hours per the doc's orders and that means my income is like 700 or 800 a month after the health care garnishment. she's been patient so far but she's recently been quite angry). I can't afford food, insurance, or phone after I pay rent. My phone died and my parents loaned me money I can't repay to replace it, but now it's having constant problems due to something that's actually on the company website as a common problem of this phone according to customers, a SIM card fit issue--and of course it's one of the things not covered by the insurance we bought with the phone. I have my name in with a couple rental assistance agencies but my landlady, who has a psychological problem and refuses to identify herself on legal documents, is actually not claiming the money. I've consulted with those agencies and they basically say their hands are tied because I can't claim it on her behalf. ETA: Talked with the two main agencies and they're amazingly sympathetic. Dealing with her, they tell me it's obvious she's got mental illness issues--though she seems superficially competent--but there's nothing they can do to assist me if she won't come in to sign the forms and claim the assistance. They also were astounded to find I was paying her $300 a paycheck; apparently she told them I was giving her nothing, which was the rest of the reason they rejected our case. They told me that by now I owe too much and she's too unreliable in reporting her needs, and that they won't help me as long as I live there because they can't guarantee that the money will go to the best use. (!!!) Of all the things I never expected, man--a landlord being unwilling to do what's necessary to get rent.

Anyway, this disc-and-maybe-cyst stuff started six months ago as of the 11th. It's been getting worse and shooting new symptoms, and I've been seeing a bevy of doctors, specialists, and therapists. For the most part, I've been quite fortunate that my chosen affordable-care plan has paid bills. However, I went to the ER because half my body just stopped working last month and they did a MRI finally (the first test the insurance would allow). My disc is slipped and my nerves are pinched, so they did the EMG test and found significant weakness on one side, reduced reflexes, and a nerve that wasn't responding to the electrical stimulation they tried. The insurance refused to pay most of the five thousand dollar ER bill. Though I spend hours a day on the phone trying to resolve what person or agency is supposed to be handling what, it seems no doctor can do anything until another doctor or insurance company does something, leaving me exhausted and always, always waiting. I'm told that my condition, based on the relatively "short duration" and (as far as I can tell from several doctors) the fact that they can't see on the MRI the hospital gave me exactly where the protruding discs are obstructing the nerve and insurance refusing to pay for a better one, is "not serious enough to warrant emergency intervention", which is a limbo I need insurance and doctor help to escape. I have an alarm set on my phone to call them twice a week and remind them every time they call me: where are we with the tests? have you tried again? I just faxed them all the rejection letters and a copy of the therapists' dismissal letter saying that I'm physically incapable of even low-impact water PT. ( Collapse )

Anyway his group, which is supposed to help me handle pain on a temporary basis...( Collapse )

I'm trying as hard as I can. I haven't had the internet for a very long time, but my parents paid for 3 months of internet recently so I could look for writing jobs online. I can't sit up much (gotta save my back for work), but I can write a bit while lying down, so I've registered with four websites. I tried to get set up to give plasma, but between the medications I'm on, the low BP pills I'm on to complement those meds, and my congenital anemia, as usual I don't qualify. I've sold some more books to Half Price Books and have pawned a few more things, but I got rid of most valuable belongings trying to save myself from becoming homeless last time. My grandmother's engagement and wedding rings are gone, my father's graduation gift diamond, the silver bracelet and heart-shaped mirror my now-passed childless great aunts saved through the Depression to give to the firstborn grandniece. The Indianhead silver dollar my father carried for luck at every job interview. Even my grandmother's leather bible whose years of family history "marred" its modest value. It kills me a little that those things had a dollar worth to me at some point, that I had to learn it, that I had to set it next to a day's food or rent at a place I lost anyway.

I miss my cats. I'm lonely. I'm scared, and I hurt.

I have never personally asked for money before, though people have been wonderfully kind with help in the past when lovely friends asked on my behalf. I'm asking now. I know few people have it to spare, and it's certainly no obligation--I love all y'all no matter what, you've made my life a joy for over 15 years. But I literally don't know what else to do to be less of a burden on my parents, my landlady, even my employers. I swear that anything you give will be used to alleviate the strain on them by seeking a permanent solution to the problems above--keeping my housing secure, paying for food and transport to work, covering copays and PT equipment like my walker and to help pay for tests and medication, and (if anything is left over) putting funds toward bankruptcy to help cease the garnishment of my wages (all of which is going to the $50,000 of medical debt I received when I destroyed my knee while homeless two years ago). Once the garnishment stops, at this income level of about $1050 a month, I could survive. My rent would be over half of it, and I'd still have to pay the landlady back some every paycheck, but I could do it. I want to be able to do it myself. I just need to get on my feet, literally.

ETA: ENTRY IS NOW PUBLIC. Anything you can do, thank you and I love you. If you're not able to help, I understand and I love you too--if you like, please consider passing it on or reposting. The button seems to work! If you need any other information or the code for the button, or would rather send money directly, let me know.



Please help me not lose everything.