Something wicked this way comes!

Hi, Mom,

Another year . . . how they slide by! Again, I'm late in posting this, like last year, though at least it's only a few days. Work has kept me busy, as 12-hour shifts tend to do. Even though I can hear you saying that it's okay, it's not okay by me, because I can do better to be on time.

There was recently a gathering for celebrating the life of your sister, S. Included in the slideshow of photos were pictures of you with your three sisters that brought back memories. No family gathering was complete without a picture of the four of you! I have no doubt you’re there helping Aunt S adjust in between rounds of coffee with others that are there with you, like your dad and the longtime neighbors, E and M.

I spent some time with each of your granddaughters, too. They are growing up into beautiful young ladies that I know you would love wholeheartedly and spoil rotten in ways only you could. As auntie, of course, I had to spoil my nieces, but I also claim usage of your spoilage rights for them. Niece A and I went out to eat and saw a movie, then she showed off her collection of dolls and their clothes to me. Niece E and I enjoyed time at the Mall of America with a visit to the aquarium, since animals continue to be a favorite of hers. It was awesome for me to have time with each of them, to talk and learn about their individual selves. I am thrilled and proud to know them and be a part of their lives!

Dad continues to be Dad. I’m sure you’re keeping an eye on him, so what more can I say? He still likes to have ‘logical discussions.’ I still can’t adequately answer him when he asks how he’s being annoying to me. He still asks ‘what did you get me?’ anytime there’s an occasion for presents to be given, including his birthday, and he’s also taken to asking whenever I mention I’m sending stuff to my nieces. So, yeah, he’s still Dad, complete with batting his eyelashes and Cheshire-cat-like grin whenever he’s irritating. Brother C and his family continue on. I visited with them as well on my recent visit and got to know the multitude of animals they have - dogs, cats and chickens. I can easily picture you cuddling the heads of the dogs just as you did with the big dogs we had.

California continues to be home. In a few weeks, Goblin King, my cat will be two years old. He's the 'guy' in my life, so to speak, and is definitely 'king' of the house. He's not social and picky about being petted (which I blame on the whole COVID-19 happenings), but loves to play with socks and I know you would enjoy the antics he's done. Dad, of course and in jest, wants me to greet Goblin for him by dropkicking him (which I refuse, obviously). Despite the wildfires and triple-digit heat, I'm doing good - probably because I'm used to the smell of smoke from Dad's time on the fire department and the heat is a dry heat, much better than the humid variety (and I will admit, air conditioning is now a requirement, not just something optional for me).

Sewing continues to be one of my hobbies. I did recently decide to get a couple of newer machines with more ‘bells and whistles,’ but your machine is still going strong! It’s not being replaced by these new models, but becoming part of the collection. I still make more quilts and crafts than clothes, but those skills that started with you have only grown over the years. Recently, there's been encouragement towards selling some of the simple baby blankets and other crafts I do online and I'm slowly exploring that. Still, family and close friends are my first choices for anything I have.

Know that I miss you, Mom, even all these years later. Thoughts of you are never far away. I love you!


Link to last year's letter: https://marauderswolf.livejournal.…

Hi, Mom,

I’m a few months behind in writing to you this year. I wish I could say I had an excuse, but really, in my mind, I don’t. Yes, I was in the process of moving, but only a few miles. Yes, I did it all by myself – all the hauling and cleaning – and I didn’t take time off to do it, but still . . . I’m sorry I’m late. I can hear your voice saying it’s okay and you understand and such, but I’m still very sorry.

I won’t deny that part of me is relieved that you’re not here with us, that you are up there, just because of the COVID-19 virus that’s happening. Though all of us (Dad, Brother C & family and I) are okay, we’d all be worried about and for you getting this virus. Dad’s stroke earlier this year was hard enough, even though he is recovered and still being the dad I know, complete with his ‘logical arguments’ and his insistence that his ‘sweetness’ rubbed off on you instead of the other way around. I’m sure you’re happy to know he’s still active, that he did ‘retire’ from the shop and that he has friends that you would be right at home with, especially since the ladies don’t listen to his ‘advice,’ just like you did. Your granddaughters are growing up, too, with E wanting to learn to sew and both of them involved in hockey, a true Minnesota sport.

Yesterday, I learned one of your sisters passed away. Since your passing, I hadn’t seen her or even spoke with her or her husband and my contact with her children, the cousins I grew up with and have many memories of, reduced to the occasional social media post as we all became adults, moved in our own directions and developed our own lives and families, so it was a bit of a shock for me. Still, the memories are there of your sister as one of the ‘Anderson girls,’ with photos of the four of you taken at various gatherings, as Brother C and I played with the gang of cousins we grew up with.

One memory I have of Aunt S still makes me smile. I can’t remember exactly what year it was, but I drove from college in Boston to their place because the family gathering for Christmas was the next day and it just made sense for me to go there, then drive home after the gathering rather than driving back and forth. I arrived earlier than expected, but she still welcomed me in and offered me food (as all Anderson girls did). Because I was there before my cousins, I got to park in third space of their garage, a definite luxury for the Minnesota winter. I backed in and clearly remember her standing by the trunk of my car. I got one foot out of the car and she was telling me to pop the trunk so she could get started on the laundry.

Yes, the trunk of my car did have stuff in it, specifically my clean clothes packed in my suitcases and other stuff that I was bringing home to keep there, but no laundry of any kind. The other times when I came home from college, it was never with dirty laundry, so I was confused by this scene playing out. My answer to Aunt S was that the only laundry I had was the clothes I was wearing and that produced a look of disbelief on her face. I even opened the trunk just to show her it was packed with everything else, but not laundry before she believed me. (Later, I’d learn about one of my cousins who came home from college with their car, which was smaller than mine, filled with laundry to be washed, which explained it.)

Aunt S will be missed. As a child, she was an aunt to visit with so I could play with my cousins, particularly R. She will be remembered for the smile and happy greetings I always received, the Vikings-Packers rivalry within the family, and those wafer-thin things that looked like snowflakes, topped with powdered sugar, that she would bring to the holiday gatherings. I can’t remember what they’re called, of course – eating them was more important than learning about them.

I’ve reached out to my cousins as best I can to let them know I’m here and that I’ll help them through this rough time. Though they had more years with their mother than Brother C and I had with you and her passing was far different from yours, it’s still the loss of a mother that they are experiencing, something I am familiar with, even all these years later.

Life will continue, I know. The holidays are approaching, something that I looked forward to as a child, as children do, for the chance to see the relatives and eat foods that get specially made just for getting together. As an adult, I’ve learned to treasure the moments spent with friends and family, as well as the memories I help to create with my nieces. Even so, thoughts of you are never far from my mind. I still miss you.

I love you!


Link to 2019 Letter: https://marauderswolf.livejournal.…

It's been more than a year since I've been on here . . . not a bad thing, but not exactly a 'good' thing, in my mind, either. Writing is still very much a part of my life. It's how I deal with change and emotions and struggles and challenges and everything else that hits me.

I will continue to write. I will continue to post. That is something I can control. That is something I will do. 

Hi, Mom,

As I sit down to write this, my thoughts are also with friends of mine who have also lost their mothers recently. Their grief is raw and fresh, something I remember dealing with when it happened with you. All these years later, there are still moments where that grief slams back into me. Time may have brought about the means to manage it, but it doesn’t stop the tears that come or the ache in my heart that is unique to you.

Yesterday, I donated blood with your memory in mind. I’ve been a regular donor for a while now – donating was also a ‘birthday present’ to Dad, despite his continuous attempts to convince me that the sight of blood makes him woozy. Blood was never something of a major need for you, but you still saw (and felt) more than enough needles in your arms with every ER and hospital visit. Of course, Dad wasn’t exactly helpful whenever he offered the suggestion to use a larger size needle. Yet, you found a way to get through each and every time.

Today, I’ll spend the day sewing, using the sewing machine that you bought because of your reasoning at the time that if Dad could spend money on the business, you could spend money on a sewing machine. You’ll be pleased to know I’ve taken good care of the thing. It’s already made Raggedy Ann dolls and their clothes for your granddaughters and will be working on more doll clothes for the other sizes of dolls in existence. That’s how I picture you ‘spoiling’ your granddaughters. Dad may be ‘Grandpa Tootsie Rolls’ for always giving them candy, but you, as grandma, would be making doll clothes and anything else you could sew together for them to have, just as you did for me.

I’ll put on the music you liked, that I remember growing up with. Hearing the Beach Boys always makes me smile, remembering the concert at the State Fair and seeing you smiling. Kenny Rogers will remind me of concerts, too – both the one I gifted you and Dad for your anniversary one year as well as the concert I went to that marked the first anniversary of your passing. I’ll even dig out the songs of Neil Diamond and Peter, Paul and Mary that were part of the family vacation road trips.

I’ll pull out the recipe card with your handwriting to make some popovers to munch on, enjoy a piece or two of homemade fudge and remember all the times spent in kitchen, especially at the holidays. In a few months, I’ll make a batch or two of cream cheese mints to share with others and think of all those times we made cookies . . . when Dad wasn’t eating the cookie dough. I’ll think of you the next time I have a frozen coffee beverage, remembering how much you enjoyed them.

Most of all, I’ll be thinking of you, of how much I miss you and of how much I love you.


Link to last year’s letter: https://marauderswolf.livejournal.…

Life continues on. Things change along the way.

Changed jobs. Went from handling public assistance program paperwork in one county to handling arrest reports in another county. Shorter commute is appreciated, the pay cut that came with it . . . not so much. Means that the budget is much tighter and worries about things like car repairs and replacing my outdated pieces of tech are on constant loop in my overactive brain.

Changed work schedules with the job change, too. Went from the typical office worker schedule of M-F 8am to 5pm to a place open 24 hours and a set schedule of 12-hour shifts 3 or 4 days a week and they're overnight shifts, too. Adjusting my sleep patterns wasn't a problem. What to do with the large chunks of free time this new schedule gives me, is a bit more challenging. Should I catch up on my book-reading or entertainment-watching? Maybe do some fanfic writing to post online? What sewing work should I do - quilting or Christmas stockings or other stuff that my former co-workers want to buy again from me? Or do I just sleep more? All the usual chores and errands get done, of course, but beyond that . . .

It's said that change is good. I'm still working on getting to the 'good' part.

Hi, Mom,

Another day begins and with it, another year has passed by without you.Sometimes, the time flies by quickly, like the geese in the sky. Other times, it goes slowly, like the lazy streams, creeks and rivers that end up in the lake. Even though I no longer live in the state, thoughts of Minnesota always find me.

Where I’m living, there’s always a concern for grass fires and wildfires during the dry, summer months and this year, it’s been extremely bad across the region. There’s been a few times where stepping outside meant smelling smoke in the air. After the initial shock and inherent checking for fire in the immediate area to make sure I’m safe, my thoughts drift to memories of growing up. Dad, being a firefighter, sometimes would come straight home in his fire gear and leave his gear on the back porch. You wouldn’t let him in the house with that gear on, so the back porch got to smell like smoke those days and not the whole house.

That smell of smoke also reminds me of the fires in the fireplace at home and the many campfires there were on those family camping-reunion weekends in Alexandria. Roasting marshmallows for smores and just enjoying the heat on those cold, winter nights are just a few of the memories that cross my mind.   

I’ll be coming home to visit for a few days - it’s been at least five years since my last visit, I recently realized. I can’t wait to see my nieces (your granddaughters) in person instead of through the few pictures I manage to get from their parents. Hopefully, Dad and I can take the girls out somewhere to make memories of our own for them to have. I’ll spend some time with Dad, too. You know the questions he’ll ask me in that joking tone of voice - ‘Are you staying? Here? When are you leaving?’ - just like he’s done to me since I left for college. We’ll have a laugh and reminisce about you rolling your eyes at Dad and reminding him to be nice to his daughter.

It’s a Friday, so my commute home is already longer than usual. It’s also the Labor Day holiday weekend, so that will add even more time to what’s already a lengthy drive. Even so, I plan to stop off for some fresh-cut flowers to have around my place, just as I used to bring some home to you. I’ll listen to the music of the Beach Boys, Kenny Rogers, Neil Diamond, and Peter, Paul & Mary that you liked while stuck in traffic, remembering the family vacations and the concerts you enjoyed. I’ll spend the weekend working the sewing machine to make doll clothes for your granddaughters, something I know you would be doing if you were here. Most of all, I’ll be thinking of you.

I love you, Mom, and I will always miss you.

Link to last year’s letter: https://marauderswolf.livejournal.…

My laptop computer is broken - the hard drive is physically malfunctioning - and that means I'm using smaller screens for everything my computer did. It'll be some months before I'll have the funds to replace it but I know I'll manage . . . . Just at a slower pace - my fingers and touch screen keyboards don't always agree with each other. My 60-65 words per minute speed on an actually keyboard is reduced to 2-3 words per minute on the touch screen variety.

The overactive muses in my brain still want attention, of course. And I'm massively late on writing a few letters to people. So, the notebooks and pens have made a reappearance - for the time being, at least. Still not as fast as an actual keyboard, but faster than touchscreens . . . And really, it still serves the purpose I want: together what's in my overactive imagination out so that it could possibly be shared . . . . Possibly . . . Maybe.

Th future is ever changing . . . Crossing my fingers for good things ahead.