Last night at work I got to only do one job. Which was a nice change of pace and it was the job I first trained on in my new area. So for the most part, it was a low stress day. I feel bad for my coworker, Eric. He had to carry a little extra since we were short handed and that meant he had to pick up most of the slack. He seemed to handle it well though AND make sure I had no issues throughout the night. His German heritage and cold efficiency were exactly what the department needed.
Another kind of rough day running a job from my new area and a job from my old area. Today I did the other half of the D3 system. I cleaned the press and transferred it over. Simple enough job, but first I had a leak after I closed it back up and then it didn't transfer all the way, so I had to add water and try again. Nothing serious, but one of those things that again makes me feel stupid. Luckily that was the last of those issues and I got that out of the way early in the shift. Then on my old job, running the Crystalizer, about an hour and a half before the shift ended, I see an alarm that I've never seen before, for a tank I've never had to deal with (Filtrate Tank). Since I don't think I mentioned it, yesterday I also had an alarm for a tank I had no clue about (T3). So that is 2 days in a row that I got weird alarms on that damn thing. Today we ended up getting the filtrate tank fixed by back flushing water into it, to dislodge an obstruction. Then the line feeding the Crystalizer belt started to plug, so I had to unplug that. Just a lot of dumb stuff. Now for the rest of the week, there will only be 2 of us in my new area. Me, a trainee, and one experienced person. Normally there would be 3 of us, but one guy took off to watch his kids during this Covid pandemic. Hopefully things run smoothly.
I recently got transferred out to LIX, which is one of the sister departments in my job. Because my old department is short handed, I have been trying to do a job in each area. Luckily, both jobs are fairly easy so it is doable. Today and yesterday I did both the D3 tank (new area) and the Crystalizer (old area). Doing D3 I needed to adjust the pH level of the tank. This is only the 3rd time I have done this, once yesterday and once a few months ago. Today I decided to deviate in how I did it. Instead of controlling the flow from the valve, I tried to control the valve from a readout. Apparently, I only stopped the readout and not the flow. This caused me to boil over the tank. Which is not good. But it was fixed quickly so the mess wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been. I had to spray a deck off and then mop the floor. On one hand, part of me feels like a 20 year old kid again because I am making rookie mistakes and it is frustrating. Especially since this is a more elite area and I was chosen to go back there. The other part of me has been on the other side of this and, as an experienced person in an area, seen people come in and make mistakes. So I understand and the people working with me understand. Which is helpful. Because if they were getting pissed off about it, it would make learning the job so much harder. Tonight is another night though and hopefully a better one.
So I've been trading on a stock app for about 3 and a half years now. With the exception of the first couple weeks, I've been doing quite poorly. Last week though, was my best week doing it. I'm hoping that this week will continue the trend and finally get me back to green.
I don't even know what to write, I just feel like I should write something. I don't know if it is because of all the time off or what, but I've been kind of bumming. It's kind of a combination of old insecurities rearing their heads, loneliness as far as my singleness, and some deep conversations the last week. Old insecurities like wondering if I am good enough. Are my friends really my friends or do they just keep me around because they pity me or can use me. Not necessarily use use, but like "He's an ok guy and if we are nice to him, he'll let us go watch Game of Thrones at his place since we don't have it." kind of use. Actions being louder than words, I know that isn't true, but I still question those friendships for some reason and I know I shouldn't be.
The Loneliness is something that strikes every so often. I think part of it is lack of availability in my circle. Every girl I hang out with is either in a relationship or into girls. Part of it being I had two friends get engaged in like the last two weeks. One of which is a girl that I kind of like. I've also had two deep conversations the last week. One with an old fling where "What if" came up. The other being with the friend that just got engaged. That was one of the most open and honest conversations I've had in a long, long time and being that intimate with someone, even if not in a physical sense, makes the gap deeper and darker when it's back to status quo.
Back in college when I was a very active D&D player I came up with an idea for a campaign. I created a continent, plus I had general ideas for two other continents and an alternate universe type setting. The two side continents had basic histories with an idea for a big bad and a general outline of how I wanted things to go. The main continent had a pretty large history and background as well as a starting point and an idea of where I wanted it to end, but no real middle. Although I figured it would be up to the characters and that theoretically, they could have set off even to the other continents had they chosen. Which, at the time, I figured was fine.
Well, in the previous couple years, mostly from talking with my friend Jess while she was slow at the bank, I've been thinking about that old campaign again. Both remembering old stories I created and expanding on my old ideas, especially since some of the stuff has been updated for 5th Edition. Since then I've come to realize that I didn't actually have one campaign in mind. I now feel like the 3 continents can actually be their own, separate campaigns, with the alternate universe setting being an epic level type campaign that the players can then go to after the other campaigns have concluded. Taking whichever of their characters they want from the 3 settings.
I'm actually feeling a little motivated to try and see if I can actually do this. I had kind of tried once before, but the only player I had was my girlfriend Steph and that wasn't going to work for what I had planned. But right now I have two active groups of people I play with and I'm definitely open to the idea. I've got other things to do first and I'll probably want at least one of these campaigns to finish up before I do it, since 3 active campaigns seems a little much.
Those are my D&D thoughts that I wanted to share. Mostly just to share, since I'm pretty sure nobody goes on here any more.
I'm halfway through my 3 day weekend. I was hoping that it would be a productive weekend, but so far, I've been more lazy and social than anything. Friday I got really drunk so most of Saturday was me being old, other than going out for dinner at Oliver's. Tonight's my last night off, so I need to get my ass in gear.
First, I need to begin Operation: Cleaning House, which is me physically going through everything I own and deciding if it is something I really need or just something I hold on to out of fear of needing it or an urge to maybe use it again even though I know I probably never will. Also, clothes. I've got more clothes than a woman and some of them I don't even remember that I have.
Second, I've got to go food shopping. I've decided that I need to get rid of my pouch, so I need to go buy food so that I'm not constantly eating McDonald's. I'm very inconsistent with food so I need to actually go get some and stick with it. I am bound and determined to make this a good year and food and working out (hopefully beginning tomorrow) are keys to this. I should probably try to cook something tonight, I'll have to go through my food list to figure out what.
Third, I'd like to make a quick video tonight. Not sure if I will, but I should if only on principle of having wanted to do it for years now.
Fourth, I'll probably try to watch some of the games today. It is playoff season after all.
So while I have been doing well while everyone else has been going downhill, there is one negative in my life that seems to be rearing its ugly head again. I live alone and have for almost 12 years now, but I get none of the benefits and all the negatives. I pay all the bills on my own, which is the negative, but I get hardly any of the benefits of living alone. I'm on a 4 day weekend and would kind of like to get some things done, but I know as soon as I start, my dad will be over for something. He is supposed to be over sometime today to watch Oak Island because I'm his DVR for that show and Survivor. Survivor really sucks because I get spoiled almost every week on who goes home. So here I sit bored as hell, but hesitant to start anything, because he could be over at any moment. Or not at all. Who knows? And it has almost always been this way. Him using my basement for projects or working out. Him just coming over. For a long time I was afraid to date because I was afraid of getting frisky on the couch and all of a sudden my door bursts open and in he walks. In a way, my dad is the chaos card in my life. Ok, that is my little rant.
So I have these 2 friends that have basically been a couple for over 5 years, without being a couple. They didn't cohabitate and they didn't share finances and that is the not being a couple part. They hung out every day, they went on trips together, etc. They worked. And all of the mutual friends have been rooting for them to make it official over that 5 years. The reason that they weren't a couple was because the guy had gone through a couple bad marriages shortly before they got together and he was not emotionally ready to commit to a relationship with her. She on the other hand, wanted nothing but to be his gf and hopefully, one day, his wife. After mulling it over for a year or so, he finally sat down with her a couple months ago and committed. And it's over. Or at least most likely over and he wants nothing more than to be with her and be a family. The sad/ironic thing is that if he had started dating her sooner, the problems probably wouldn't have happened. He picked up a second job because of financial issues, issues that would have probably not been issues with a two income household, and that second job caused separation. Something he feared was going to happen when he took it.
Idk, just wanted to put this out there. Hopefully things will work out, but I don't expect them to.
I'm good and things are going well for me. As I begin to reach for the end of the year I can say that I'm more content now than I have been for a really long time. That being said, I feel like a lot of people around me are starting to crumble.
One of my closest friends has a girlfriend (another friend) that went nuclear on him and had a complete meltdown. Not a good situation at all and things are going to get worse for her before they get better. He's at a loss because he was trying to plan a future with her. A house, their families combining, etc. and this is something that he really wanted to work and now...who knows if he'll get that chance.
Another close friend just had her brother in law die. He was a young guy and as of now, nobody really knows what happened, other than her sister found him dead in the bed when she got home. Possibly a respiratory problem, but they won't know until the autopsy. Needless to say, the family is wrecked. They had only been married a little over a year.
Over the last few months, my sister has ruined what was a good relationship with the dad of her third kid. He was/is well liked by the rest of the family, plus he is great with her older two kids, even the one with Downs. She dropped this great guy for someone who seems like a douchebag, that doesn't even live in the area. Granted, I haven't met him, so I don't know if he is a douchebag or not, but at this point we are all frustrated by the situation and assume she is off of her meds.
My dad has been working 60+ hours a week at his factory job, basically killing himself. Part of that is the job, part of it is extra duties he has picked up along the way because he is reliable, unlike most of his coworkers. To be fair, he also needs the money. The guy just can't catch a break. He is one of those guys that has always felt that if you work hard, good things will come to you. Instead, he's struggling and can't catch a break. He has a car that has been nickel and diming him and won't pass inspection. It'll need to be replaced in February. His dryer quit on him, so now he needs to replace that and probably the washer too. Mom has health problems, so she isn't working to help out, plus she has medical bills. I feel bad for them. They are treading water, so they aren't completely struggling, but that isn't how life is supposed to go when you should be thinking about retiring in a few years.
That's it for now, but it's enough. It just sucks to be in a good spot and seeing everyone around me crumbling.
