birthday party

What the fuck is this shit? So I had a birthday party. More like David had a graduation party and I told everyone it was my fucking birthday. Whatever. Free booze, you know the scum who show up. Mother fuckers like "Alex Caine" show up. I've heard stories about this fuckface. Stories about how he drove his friend's car into a fucking house. How the fuck do you do that? Well he fucking starts to insult Elliot. My little brother Elliot. I don't take that shit, and I "raise my voice" to him. He tells me to stand up and fight, what the fuck is that shit? Later some black guy won't fucking get the hint that he can't have all the fucking rum and all their fucking friends are just douches. That's the problem with most people. It's pretty simple really.

People fucking suck.

I love my friends

I love life

but I have no fucking morals
I was ready to kill tonight

if I had a gun
thank God I didn't have a gun

I even capitalized God. Why? I don't know. It was my birthday. It was David's graduation. I wasn't going to start a brawl and have some cops come over.

ok, I'm pretty spent. I do enjoy getting fucked up like this. I don't know why. Somehow this cottonmouth is comforting. The fact that I can be driven 5 miles and barely even realize it. It's all comforting. Much more comforting than a relationship like mine with Kaitlin. We had that deal right? That we'd go out after a month of I guess you could call it good behavior. Well I behaved pretty well. We were supposed to start dating today. Whatever

I'm fucking single
I need to fuck

bla

I know I'm not going to practice bassoon. I know I won't take capoeira. I know I won't work as much as I could, or do as good a job as I could. I know all that. I know I'll fail. I know I'll fail at life.
That's why I get drunk
It gives me hope.

Nothing else wants me to hope.
Everything else wants me to die.
It would be nice
to never think again.

maybe if I were dumb
maybe if we were all dumb

fuck your evolution darwin

(no subject)

I hate this

I hate this so much



I fucking hate this

I hate this

I hate this.

Do any of you still read this? If so, hey Megan. I hate this.

I fucking hate this.

I want to die right now.
Fall asleep and never wake up.
Just
Die.

People would be emotional. Thank God. No one has emotions anymore. People have lust. I don't, I fucking fall in love every night. Fucking love. People shouldn't feel love, it's not like anything else in fucking reality.

I'm such a fucking emo kid.
I hate this.


I need someone...
I need

so fucking much

I'll never be fucking happy.
Maybe I'll dance, or find a girl for a day.
But I'll never be fucking happy.

I'll just die.
Lay down and die.




I don't want to say goodnight.
For real, I need to talk to someone.

Some girl signed on.
I don't know her.


It's 6 in the AM
I can't sleep.

I hate being alone.
I hate it so much.
With a passion.

I have no idea how good I am at hiding it, but all I live for is a burning love. Do you fuckers know me? I don't. I want to say how fucked up I am
but I know some emo kid would tell me how much bullshit that is

Some emo kid.
I'm a fucking emo kid.
A regal fucking emo wannabe slut with no mind I have 70 so empty smirnoff and beer bottles on my dining room table.
I have nothing.
Nothing left.
No alcohol
No life
Nothing.

I have AP Chem first thing in the morning
Mrs. Ammons should kill me.

Should

I need to fucking die.

Die.
Come get your knife

Megan

Megan is a cool girl. I met her in like 7th grade when Chris was madly in love with her. I'm still pretty sure Chris is madly in love with her, and her him, but I can't follow them so whatever. I've had a couple crushes on Megan throughout the years, and she on me, but she hates me so we never go out. Except once for 3 days. Megan has a nice butt. Megan is a good poet, she is emo but won't admit it because I think it has moved on and now is too mainstream. Something like that. Emokid. Love you Megan.

Malk

Come get your knife

So life is fine. I am wondering about my relationship, we don't talk much. I don't think about her hardly ever when she isn't there, and we don't see each other very much. I think, like so many other times, I am losing interest. And that is that. I have a C or D or something dumb in Paideia. Whatever, school's almost out. I want to go swimming. I am strong. I want to take Muay Thai.

really:
post
love
Malk