Everything has been good. Sometimes good can be boring, but its better than bad. everyday is the same. get up in the morning, have coffee, smoke a cigarette (need to quit) take a shower. go to work. work. get out late every night. come home, have a snack, visit with the boyfriend. go to sleep. .....then repeat.
Its no wonder people in kenosha and many other places resort to alchohol or drugs. when life is easy they use it to pass time. when life is hard they use it to make the pain go away. At social gatherings people use it to feel comfortable. its a sad cycle. although there are many people who find something other than drugs to break the cycle, most people give in to drugs. there are also other bad things you can do to entertain yourself. you can shake things up by cheating on someone you love. talk shit about someone you like. you can spend money you dont have on things you dont need. You can also eat all the time. Play video games, go on the computer..... or you can also just sit a stare, let your mind wander...start thinking about good things, or bad things that arent happening so you know their about to.
The human brain and body constantly needs to be entertained or in action.
i dont know where i am going with this. im still waking up.
why do things have to be so damn hard? really id like to know. i have that gut feeling things are going to get bad. things are not going to work out the way i would like them to. i guess this is another curveball life is throwing at. i just need to learn to accept that. ive faced many challenges before why not another? things have seemed to work out despite my downfalls. this time around i will try to do things differently. im sure you all would just love to know whats going on. i cant write it down because that always makes it more final. im hoping that everything will be ok when i come home from work tonight. then we can all forget i even wrote this. if not....well then i guess we can all hope i will be ok.
damnit!! i am starving! ive been waiting for kevin to get home for over an hour, hes late. i want to go grocery shopping and then go do something....actually do something. i went to marias house last night after work and i drank way too much. i got home at five in the morning and threw up. this morning i forgot to pick up my cat at the vets.....kevin ended up getting him just in time before they closed. i threw up many more times later on. now i have no fluid left in my body and no nurishment in the house.... i hate waiting around for his ass to get home when i know he got out of work over an hour ago.... ooooooohhhhhwwwweeeeelllll i give up.
switching shifts is alot harder than it sounds. i thought it would an easy switch, but my sleep schedule is all messed up. otherwise i am enjoying my new shift. its more busy but thats fine with me. i like all the techs i work with, not so sure about nurses....but well see i have off this weekend, wooo!!
kevin just left for work and i need to go to bed because of work....and when i came into the bedroom to lay down and didnt see him laying there too, i got sad. you know you love someone when youve been living together for about a year and you miss him ten minutes after he leaves for work....
i went into work tonight with high hopes of having a wonderful time... then i found out the other girl working with me called in.... found out two of patients were dying and had to deal with crying families... one of my patients had 10 BOWEL MOVEMENTS.... i got slapped in the face HARD, my patients like to treat me well..... then the same guy who slapped me tried to pee on me, literally, he aimed and fired. i asked one of the nurses if they wanted me to check someones blood sugar and she never answered me and slammed the door right in my face, SERIOUSLY..... one of my dying patients family members said all i was here to do was inflict pain on them. she then stormed out the room and started pitching a fit on the unit..... when she was done throwing her tantrum i heard her tell the secretary i was a little bitch.....
AND WHY DO I CONTINUE WANTING TO BE A NURSE???? ITS NOT AS GLAMOROUS AS IT SOUNDS!!!
i am very bored. someone call and come hang out with me. i have off all night so call whenever. me and kevin are just sitting around looking for something to do.
why must i be such a jealous person? seriously, i get so jealous over the smallest things. tonight i was hanging out with kevin and he was playing video games. after he was done playing his games i turned on some tv and he went into the other room. i went to see what he was doing and he was listening to music. i also noticed he was chatting online with some girl named jen. i asked him who she was and he just told me "a girl at work" so i went into the other room and sat there wondering why the hell he was talking to some girl online. he never chats online! so i thought about it some more and i got more mad. why is he chatting to some girl when he could be sitting here chatting with me? i pointed it out to him and he said im just acting stupid. is it just me, or do all girls get jealous when they see their guy talking to girls they dont know about?
it could be just me. its a sensitive subject. i guess i dont like the idea of kevin talking to young girls he works with because of past situations. maybe because the last time we broke up was because of a girl he was working with.... who knows if he has some alterior motive, or maybe it was innocent. i will never know for sure, i just have to trust him.
