Corrupted

Ok keep in mind this entry is being written when I'm in a stage of anger, so this entry applies to everyone with the exception of some people :)

 

I give up here people...I really do.

My "friends" were suposed to call me last night to do something, and they completely ditched me, I even called off work for them and I ended up getting ditch.  Ok sure, getting ditched is no big deal it's not like I sat around on my ass the whole night pouting about it, but the fact of the matter is that it wasn't the first time! I'm sick of this crap! Why is it that I'm always the person that's getting walked all over on by other people. What did I do to deserve it?! I'm a nice person to others, I treat others with respect, yet I still get walked all over on! I'm sick of trying to find friends that I can actually count on.  Is there anyone out there that's really worth my time?! I mean sure I've been hurt before by people like this, and you'd think I'd be used to it, but in the end I'm truely just sick of it!!

 

Then there's this boyfriend problem! As if my weekend couldn't get any better correct?! He senses something is wrong so he tries to get it out of me.  Of course there is something wrong but its stupid and me being me, I don't want to bring it up for the mere fact that it's stupid and I dont want to cause any drama..But he just can't take "nothing" as an answer for "what's wrong?" and in return he keeps picking at the "nothing" response, which in return gets us in an arguement, he drops me off at home on bad terms, has yet to call me.  I'm trying not to worry about it. 

 

With all my paper work handed in on time, you would think that I would be stress free...But I have no luck in that department...Maybe my friends are right, I'm going to end up in an early grave...But there's nothing I can do about it that I can think of...Any ideas anyone?!?!! I need advice ASAP!!! Thanks

 

its that time again when i update my LJ...but then ive realized that theres nothing to update...

 

ive been fairly happy compared to the past 8 months in my life..my boyfriend makes sure im happy and hes been helping my deal with my grandmothers death that im still in denial about according to most of my family and friends...

 

work sucks..i need to find a new job

 

ive realized that i have no realiable friends at all and the only one that is somewhat reliable lives half way across the freakin country and even shes not reliable all the time! and what i thought were my friends dont get along with my boyfriend and im finding it really hard to balance the two...im not used to this boyfriend stuff just yet...ive been soo outta the loop..

 

hes really great he took me out to dinner the other night and bought me flowers...sometimes i think hes too nice and that i dont deserve him...plus im scared cuz everytime something good happens in my life i get my hopes up on it and then it turns to shit...thats the last thing i need right now, is to have a relationship like this turn to shit...but lets not think about that

 

winter is such a drag i need it to be summer, so i can loose weight! im gaining way to much im almost getting to the 120 point which i refuse to get to, because with my stature that would look bad...plus theres more to do in the summer! and summer means less worries too. but thats all i can think of to update u all...welcome to my boring, uneventful life!

im going away for the weekend with the boyfriend and 20 other people....the planning of this was way to stressful for him and me...but alas it is time to go and just party...will the stress be worth it? we'll find out...i havent wrote in awhile, my apologies...will gave me this big speech the other nite and told me he loved me...sometimes i think hes too good for me...i just dont want to get hurt this time...him and i had our first fight on new years eve, but we made up soon after, other then that lifes just full of procrastination and panic, im not meeting any of my deadlines for work and what not, but what can u do? well im off, hope everyones holidays were peachy keen

ciao

 

thought i would add some colour to my entry tonite...

 

i just want everyone to kno i have a wonderful boyfriend

besides that nothing new is going on in my life...christmas is tomorrow for me at 5 o'clock...things are going to be different for the next year cuz everyones still really emotional cuz of my grandmother passing away this past summer...

hmm

HAPPY ** HOLIDAYS

guys are assholes

i have strep throat

go figure...

my boyfriend has gotten me sick lol

my winter ball thingie is next week and im so excited cuz i get to dress up and feel important for a day/nite

i hate being sick

yes its finally happened im taken and lovin it lol even tho we've only officially been a couple for about 10 hours but yea if u wanna kno the juicy details u kno where to find me ;)

soooooooo guess what! i met another guy because the other one i met whose number i didnt get yea well theres no chance im seein him again but thats another story...well anyway this guy that i met is suuuuuch a gentleman and yea hes the one guys im sure of it...lmao but dont i say that about alot of guys? lmao anyways nothin new has gone on i mean ive been so stressed the past 2 weeks and the chat that im addicted to has like died sooo yea but thats all for now~~~~~~~~~~~later

met one of the cutest guys in my life last nite...it was crazy! we cuddled it was nice...yea im still a lil out of it seein as tho we didnt go home till 7.30am and i have like noooo sleep in me heheheheheh hmm yea we fell asleep for like 20 minutes but thats it...i promise i kept my clothes on tho :P
possible boyfriend? OF COURSE! mwahahaha

so i realized im not good enough for anyone and that im going to die as an alone soul...depressing yes but true none the less..i duno i mean like i feel like everyone is better then me and that im just a small person that nobody sees..i feel like the only reason ppl talk to me is cuz they feel bad...bleh...whats the point of bein here anyway? whats the point of existing?

ANY IDEAS!?!?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~later