just one more longer day

Well, thankfully it doesn't seem as though many people actually read this journal. It's getting to be more of a daily diary and less a . . . worthwhile contemplation on life (was it ever? I doubt it). But I've decided that since it's rather vapid by intellectual standards (i.e. I don't write about saving the rainforest, or why I support the death penalty, or the merits of Kurt Vonnegut's literature) I'd rather not trouble any poor unsuspecting soul who happens to stumble upon it and subsequently read it without knowing better. However, I do remember Aesop's fable about the gnat on the shoulder of the bull (and it's many variations . . . a quick version here) so if you didn't even notice me in the first place you can disregard this entry. If for some reason you HAVE been noticing and aren't on my friends list, I will add you if you ask :)

In other developments, Kendra has decided to study for her Economics exam starting today! A day early! Yes, shocking. However, due to a poor sleep pattern I've also decided to decline the visit to the computer science TAs for today. Tomorrow, perhaps (or rather I hope most definitely). I will however do the koofers I have printed out (thank you, thank you, thank you Will) and read the project specs and maybe even 'start' on it. :)

I'm really questioning why I'm here lately. I'm feeling terribly unsure . . . but you know, at the same time I can't help but believe that time is fixed to an extent. The future is now, in a very real sense, and just because my brain can't conceive of it doesn't make it any less true. I wish I could extrapolate to two years from now and see what I'll be doing and make my decision now - it would save so much pain. All of life is an opportunity cost indeed my friend . . . I fight the urge to call on God for strength because I don't deserve it. I can only wish or hope for the courage to be myself and go completely nuts if the need arises. What I want is terribly obvious, but I can't seem to break free of the values and bonds that parents, other family, friends, teachers, and even society as a whole imposed on me my entire life in order to get at it.

Of course I could save myself a lot of hot air and just wait for a miracle. :B

Sometimes I feel
That you're a part of me
Although it don't seem real
It's how I want it to be
But if you can't stay then I'll understand
You're just sawdust in my empty hand
If you can't decide
I'll still be true
Just open wide
I'm here for you

And if you think that you've found
A gentle sound
Where love breaks down
It's all right.
And if you can't overcome
What gets you down
Don't get uptight
It's all right.

I'm a shallow man
In an hollow land
On a beaten track under your command
And the sound
In my head goes round and round
Like a drunk on the stairs
who just fell down
But now it seems
Like a distant dream
When it all lived wrong
With our love supreme
And the sound in my head goes round and round
Like a drunk on the stairs who just fell down

And if you think that you've found
A gentle sound
Where love breaks down
It's all right.
And if you can't overcome
What gets you down
Don't get uptight
It's all right.

My brother gets to come home for Thanksgiving! <3

One of those days has hit. Those days where I feel like I can do nothing but sleep. Those days where I feel constantly out of whack with my blood sugar, but in reality it's fine. Those days where my thought processes are random and scattered and entirely useless to the projects and processes that I must do. God, whoever invented these days should be shot. I have too much to do that I just don't WANNA. I got up at 12:30 (which makes 8 hrs of sleep) and then after a meal and some reading-for-fun fell back asleep at 3 and just woke up at 5. I'll do my Accounting and then probably look at the specs for the C++ project. I don't know if I'll actually do anymore coding apart from declaring variables, maybe. I'm really just so intimidated at this point. I WILL print out some koofers though - test on Thursday as well, and an Econ one on Wednesday. The project isn't actually due until NEXT Monday, but I've just go so much to do before then that there's really no sane reason to put it off until then. Oh, tra la la, I've made another academic post. I'm good at time management, but not so good at following through on my plans.

It was beautiful and warm here today but I had no incentive to go outside, unless it was to sleep in the sun. I ended up doing that anyway as the sun crept into my window and made my feet hot while I slept.

I keep having sexually-themed dreams. Quite an erotic charge going on around me I guess - what a waste! I'm having those unrealistic "he'll show up on my doorstep one day out of the blue" fantasies. They're fun to think about but leave me alone in the end as always. Will I ever stop wanting it to happen, though? I want to be stolen away, robbed . . . like a princess from a castle, or some such fuzzy romantic thing. Take me away and give me no chance to protest. Use lots of duct tape, or something.

Erm, and there's an IM from Tara. Snapping out of it. Maybe she wants to bring me back to the world of the living via dinner? . . .

I've managed to pass Friday and most of Saturday without thinking about my C++ project. The stress will clamp down like a vise this coming week (and will probably last through next week) so I apologize in advance to anyone I happen to come into contact with.

Going to Miami game pretty soon. I should be excited I s'pose, but I still feel that I shouldn't be going. Stupid, stupid (sweet?) boys. Plus I feel sluggish.

I would go on but this is just going to get duller :) Uhh...Halloween was okay, but more fun when I got home >;)

I keep smelling cigarettes - and then I realized it was my hair! Gross!

God's little gift is on the rag
Poster girl posing in a fashion mag
Canine, feline, Jekyll and Hyde
Wear your fake fur on the inside
Queen of south beach, aging blues
Dinner's at six, wear your cement shoes
I thought you were singing your heart out to me
Your lips were syncing and now I see

A change would do you good
A change would do you good

( Screenshots are fun!Collapse )

Yes, I have been very productive today. Nah, I'm going to try to fit in some reading before the kiddies start coming. Happy Halloween everybody.

and what do i get, for my pain
betrayed desires, and a piece of the game

:/ A little thing but. One of my friends doesn't have me friended on their journal anymore. Le sigh. I wanna call him but what if he's actually working today? :O

Long time readers of this thing will get tired of me posting this so I'll stop someday, but man. I really enjoy Gattaca. Or maybe it's just that I always watch it alone so it's much easier to cry over. The music is very moving as well and it's nice visually. SIGH. I'll buy it one day, I promise.

Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leaving
Now the days go by so fast

My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
longerday goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as a mime.
amethyste tricks you! You get a toothbrush.
big_king tricks you! You get a wet rag.
ciscorob gives you 1 dark blue passionfruit-flavoured gummy fruits.
happyturtle gives you 4 brown pineapple-flavoured gumdrops.
mjolnir_rising tricks you! You lose 1 pieces of candy!
pai_chan gives you 13 brown cola-flavoured jelly beans.
pelezu tricks you! You get a thumbtack.
vvill gives you 14 yellow cinnamon-flavoured gummy bears.
longerday ends up with 31 pieces of candy, a toothbrush, a wet rag, and a thumbtack.
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.

Aw, thanks for the cinnamon Will. And the WET RAG, G D: