Yesterday morning I was up very early to take R to the airport. She's headed to New Orleans for a vacation with friends and asked me about recommendations- I haven't been there in 30 years, and aside from well known landmarks, I had nothing specific. I shared some memories of magic and misadventure. I hope she has a lovely visit, finds gluten free beignets and lots of music.

I've been thinking more than usual about 30 years ago because R asked me about New Orleans back then and also because of this sad news:

Two weeks ago, I heard Kevin Kadar died. He was just about the first friend I made in Portland in 1995. I saw him in the Park Blocks opening up an antique travel inkwell and walked over to ask him about it: I found out that he was also dedicated to traveling and drawing on an extremely small and precarious budget (he did it longer, and better.) We ended up drinking coffee and chatting about art late into the evening, and he even gave me a painting, which I managed to keep safe in my backpack, eventually had framed and which I still have. Not long after that, because of that random meeting, everything changed for me. I think Kevin was a catalyst and/or mentor for many artists in Portland.

He loved to paint, he lived to paint, really. His hand, evident in his brushstrokes and his handwriting both (omg he had the most beautiful handwriting) managed to be both elegant and deliberate and raw, immediate. Very few painters can manage that now. He'd live incredibly frugally, saving up until he could travel to Europe, then stay in squats in Paris and stay as long as he could, meeting other artists and visiting his favorite painters' works in museums. I remember him once telling me about spending an entire day in the Corot rooms in the Louvre.

I hadn't seen him for a long time when word came online that people were worried about him. Nobody had been able to reach him, and I guess he'd been dealing with health problems for quite a while. And then the news that he was gone.

I have two of my old sketchbooks open to drawings I made of him that summer. They're still out on my desk, I haven't wanted to put them away.

Oregon Arts Watch memorial post about Kevin

hey

Nov. 5th, 2025 08:51 am
a spam message reminded me of this space! So I decided, good time to visit and update.
Yesterday was, overall, a good day. I had nothing scheduled and the atmospheric river stopped soaking Portland for several hours, so I went to the Japanese Garden, ostensibly to see the fall colors. Which were as quietly, poetically spectacular as expected. Red against grey, gold against grey, two shades and textures of green on the moss covered pine tree.
But what really moved me were the sounds. The small waterfalls, crows, ravens, other bird calls, the hiss of bike tires on the damp park road nearby. And because this is a park in a city, the low ever present freeway rumble, aircraft, train horn, people chatting.
And I was thinking again how I'd paint the sound of water. Burchfield is my favorite water-in-the-woods sound painter, but how is my hand and my experience different?

I'm awake too early, and feeling low and irritated. I'm in Fort Myers. My parents just got news that a friend of my dad's had died, and they are flying to Chicago for the funeral for the day. Even if I hadn't planned to be awake dad turned on the news as is his habit and that would have woken me up.

(two hours later my parents returned: their plane was delayed and they would have missed the funeral and been stuck in Chicago. So the day went by differently.)

I didn't expect the plane crash in DC to affect me the way it did. On top of the horror I would have felt at the story wherever it happened, it also brought back memories of the 1982 crash into the 14th St bridge. (I was 16, skipping class, tried to take the bus to Baltimore for some reason but between the snow and the crash, transportation was not happening. I ended up walking some ungodly distance in high heels in the snow to get back home that night, everything was weird and wrong, and nobody knew what had happened at first)

 

and here I am again. This is a quiet place. I like that.

Maybe this is all I'll write for another 8 years, who knows. (Edited to say: but I just paid for a year. They've kept my account active since 2017, 35 bucks is barely a nod of thanks, and yet, thanks! ) And whether this is going to be more "comments on life on the internet" or "shreds of diary when i feel like typing rather than writing longhand"

I registered my own name as a domain name some time ago, since pernoctalian doesn't really describe me these days. The 33 year old with a toddler got to stay up and watch all night and create things while doing that.  If I'm watching all night, these days, it means something really bad is happening. Or i'm on a plane flying east and night did not last very long.

But I haven't touched my website in years let alone remade it using my name. I pay for the hosting, update for security, and think "some day"

 

 

 

OK, I might bring out the Don't Die In The House rat- it was from the era where zines were the most interesting and relevant social media around. Everything else? Maybe if history rhymes and I think other folks might find it useful. And artwork, because it's always been my favorite justification for describing my life to strangers online.

I'm Lli, these are some things that happened, and also I drew something! 
-me on the internet, 1996-present

I don't know yet how much I'm going to use this journal, but I might as well tell the world my good intentions. 

Hello.

Apr. 10th, 2017 03:30 pm
Today was a day to do stuff I should probably have done a while ago. Moving from LJ to here was one of those things (procrastinating for eight and a half years is pretty long for me.) I considered importing old entries but decided to start fresh.

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Lli Wilburn

January 2026

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