SO on the account that i havent updated in FOREVER I figured it was time.
So now I am in San Luis Obispo attending Cal Poly. I moved here about a month and a half ago and I am having a really good. I'm not a partier much but i still find ways to have lotsa fun :)
I joined the equestrian team after reading Laura's post on how she joined and everything and it really pushed me over the edge of realizing that I can't live without horses in my life at all times. So I did my evaluations and I am placed at showing Western 12B which is the highest class I can be seeing that I don't have national show points... im kind of scared to compete though since I have just done the Garrod Farms shows. I don't know the rules of the intercollegiate thing.. so I guess its just going to take a bit of getting used to.
So Tsuby and I are at the same school now... and despite it being rocky at times it has been amazing overall. I have the best basically 1.5 years of my life. Learning the ropes of how much time to spend together etc was a little tricky.. and I will admit.. we're together a lot. But i mean.. its mostly just chilling with his roommates at their appartment on campus. Its really fun and chill, and we do have good quality time together too :). Lets just say that being together at the same school is WAY better than a long distance relationship. FOR SURE. omg.
I also go to eat indian food basically EVERY monday at Taj Palace, the most amazing indian food in all of San Luis Obispo. There is a reasonable buffet that Tsuby and I and others go to. Me and Raja (the owner) are gunna be hella chill with eachother by the time the year is over hahaha.
I miss everyone at home like at Garrods and everything... its really different here and being "Sara" around everyone is hard at first. I am a social person but for me to open up completely takes a lot of time. I miss my best friends from home and I do miss being able to call people up and just being like HEY WANNA HANG OUT!?
But i did go home last weekend and I got to see some of my horsie gals which was awesome and I got to see Swasti... which was SO fun. omg. I miss that girl so much and I get to see Urvashe next weekend :) Swas and I had lots of good quality talking which was definitely much needed. It feels good to be able to have that home connection to talk to. I am not fully comfortable with everyone here... but i mean I'm getting closer.
Classes are going okay... :-\ im used to harker and being a perfectionist but suprisingly, there isnt really time for that in college like there was in highscool despite all the free time you have.
I think part of it is that I am living on my own at an appartment.. not somewhere super conveinent like the dorms or on campus apartments. So paying bills, grocery shopping and all the normal things you dont realize you do at home become time consuming when you're pretty much on your own. I think I need to get a job.
I wish I could still work at garrods when I go home on the weekends, but i always have to leave on Sundays to go back to school so that sucks.
ALL YOU GARRODERS... IF YOU NEED SUBS IN THE MORNINGS ON SUNDAYS let me know!! haha..
i love my apartment.. its cute and stuff and I like having a place.. almost all to myself. I have a room mate but I knew her from Summer Session and she's chill.
BUT WHAT SUCKS IS THAT I AM THE LAST DAY ALMOST OF REGISTRATION FOR WINTER QUARTER CLASSES WHICH MEANS THAT I AM NOT GOING TO GET ANY CLASSES BASICALLY
oh, and midterms kinda sucked. that was annoying.. perhaps the next set will go over better?........hopefully.
i really haven't updated this in a really long time.
and I only do it when like kinda bigish stuff happens i GUESS... sooo yah
the big thing this time is that I am in college.... YES. college. I know its ONLY JUNE but I am doing a summer session at Cal Poly San Luis Obispo because that is my college and then im staying here for fall and all that good stuff. but im coming home after this 5 week session for like 2 months almost.
sooo yah. i just moved in yesterday. and that went pretty well. I managed not to forget anything.. except like a little remote for my ipod player thing. but that doesnt even matter. so whatever.
My room mate's name is Mary and there are like only 7 other girls on my floor. so its pretty small and stuff..
and OMG. i miss home like crazy. I feel so fucking stupid for feeling like this but its just like.. super hard. like.. im a realllly independent person and i dont mind doing things on my own and Im not like really attached to my family and stuff but like all the comforts of home are like.. completely gone. i miss all my friends soo much. i just dont feel comfortable yet and I hate it. even tho im a really social person, and I make friends easily and stuff... its still juts so uncomfy. cuz like, you are forced to live with someone who you dont know ANYHTING about. Like, with my friends at home and stuff, I have known them for a like a pretty effing long time. like seeing everyone at home almost everyday and stuff, that is like HELLA history you know? and then I don't know anything about any of these girls and its juts wayyy outside of my comfort zone
at home is different because you are familiar with the area and you know in your mind even if you dont think about it that you COULD hang out with your friends if you wanted to or you COULD go to a familiar mall or store or something. and its all at your fingertips and you have known that for SO long and now, you CANT go hang out with your friends, you CANT go to a familiar mall. NOTHING is familiar.
i cant go to MY room like and climb up on my bed even if i am like 8 inches from the ceiling and I cant go see Beauty when Im stressed and mad and stuff and just brush her and ride or go on a trial ride with juliana and sing fucking AVRIL LAVIGNE with her on the top of our lungs and scare people on the trails. and i cant go to oakridge and see a movie or go to los altos and see Tsuby. and he cant just come over and see me. and it fucking SUCKS. and I know that I will get over it and stuff.. its just a matter of time but for right now, I just wanna go home and get a hug and a kiss from tsuby and scare people in the hallway at harker with swasti and urvashe and everyone.
Like... last night, on out FIRST night here... we all went to a party.. which first of all, I dont really drink that much. I dont really like the feeling and I get really bad asian glow SOOO yes. ALC and sara dont get along that well. so like all the girls were like YAHHH party. and my room mate is here with her friend from h.s who is going here too. so they are like already best friends. literally. and its juts REALLY hard to go in on a group like that. LIke i have a feeling like im not really going to get to know my room mate that well because shes going to be with her other friend the whole time and thats fine you know Caitlin is REALLY nice and stuff its just hard to bond with the person you are LIVING with when you can't get to know them that well..
ANYWAYS back to the party
so like im not into the party scence really unless its with people I for sure for sure know and like who are my friends.. otherwise its like... really akward. But so we went to this one guys house first all people I dont know but who my hall mates know... and like they were like seniors in college and like there was just a lot of shit im not used to in an unfamiliar setting ON TOP OF THAT so there was just like weed everywhere and like bongs and pipes and it smelled bad and all that GREAT stuff. and i was cool with that like w/e it was a chill setting and a small group of people but then it just got more uncomfy for me at that other guys house. Since I only really go to parties when I'm with Tsuby or other FRIENDS from home, it was werid to see people fighting and like fucking trashed and shit and like hella party scene. i had like 2.5 shots and was buzzed and like was feeling crappy anyways cuz i felt REALLY out of place and my room mates and shit were just like all familiar with the people and stuff and were like all over the guys and shit and i was like.. ahh this is wayyy too much for me right now. I just got really home sick and friend sick and most of all i got really Tsuby sick.
So I called him and once i heard like his voice i fucking started like HELLA crying. it was soo bad. it was juts like the only familiarity was like 200 miles away. and there is NOTHING i can do about it. and i know i know i know i know this is really emo sounding and shit but like i think the people who have been to college and shit and have had to do this understand. and if you haven't, trust me, you will.
so he calmed me down a bit and talked to me and omggg i love that boy so much its not even funny. and so i went back to the party (cuz i had stepped out and walked a little) and we didnt get back till like 3 20 and i went to bed at like 4 00. soo yah
I think this is gunna be a pretty long entry depending on if i get lazy or not or distracted while writing this.
soooo school is finally wound down. I am oficially on summer vacation, there are no more classes to attend, no more academic obligations, no more grades, bell schedules, harker lunches, no more highschool.
This last weekend was the Senior trip to San Diego where we stayed at the fucking hella nice Hotel Del Coranado. It was a really nice hotel, i think the best in california or something like that... but there wasnt really a whole lot to DO. like it was fun of course but for a senior trip, maybe some more activities would have been nice. But none-the-less, we had a pool party type thing on the first day and got to paint these little memory box things and thennnn monday we had a bondfire and tuesday morning we walked along the beach looking and collecting shells and stuff and it was a really relaxing trip, which is actually something i have never done before. So laying by the pool and on the beach was a good expirence for me. And I only got sunburned a little bit on the first day.. a bit on my face, but other than that, sun screeen proved to be a good invention that actually works. So i guess my favorite part of the trip, and the most memorable would have to be the bondfire on monday night. I really regret not getting to know a lot of the people in my grade. But it really was clear to see that even if that was the case, our grade was tight and everyone really did love the people in our class and stuff.
I even cried at one point. Euny started crying during her speech to Jeff and Korena and they were sitting right next to me and swasti and Swas started crying on my shoulder and then i hella started too :( It was sooo sad. LIke, I realized that I'm not gunna have the comfort of everyone next year. I think i was Jaya or Amira who said in her speech that at harker, evetything is comfortable, and you always know where everyone is gunna be, and you can depend on that. But next year, its not going to be like that at all. Im not going to be able to go around the main hall with Swasti and stuff and like... SCARE PEOPLE and attack them by making weird faces or weird noises. Its just not going to be the same
I DONT WANT TO GROW UP
And it hella sucks becuase I'm starting college extra early.... like, I'm leaving in ONE MONTH FROM TODAY. I'm not gunna have my friends going through the same thing with me, and I am super scared and stuff.. Like... how do I know that I'm gunna be able to do it on my own and be able to succeed? ahhh it really freaks me out. I'm literally going to know NO ONE. I know a few people are going to the same college together and so they will have at least SOMEONE. Last year Tsuby had some people from Homestead, Urvashe is gunna have Roshni, Swasti is gunna have people from Harker at Davis and stuff.. but even if i need the familiarity (sp?) there is NO possible way to get it.
fuck.
Anyways, enough about my scaredness and nervousness.
Today we had our Senior Brunch thing which was nice and then we had a litte question answer session thing from last years seniors and yah. that was cool i guess.
tomorrow is the first day of Grad practice and awards assembly and senior essays and Baccalaureate. so tomorrow is going to be QUITE a long day. Friday is also grad practice and then after that, Saturday is the big Graduation!!
in other news, the sharks definitely lost to edmonton. And the saddest part is..... DREW RAMENDA IS LEAVING. omgomgomgomg. that made me soooooooo sad.
so this is me getting lazy and not wanting to type anymore and plus i dont know what else to say.
like last week and this week have been completly pointless as far as school goes pretty much. Tomorrow I have my AP Environmental Science test in the morning then I have to stay at school and take a math test that I didn't take this morning becuase I had to register for on campus housing for summer quarter and yahhhhh..
soo pretty much im not going to end up studying tonight because this AP is really hard and I know that even if I spent all of tonight studying, Im most likely not going to get a 3 or above for credit in college. And then I have this inner battle of ok, its like.. ONE night. what else are you going to do anywayssss. But there is just no possible way that I am going to be able to fit an entire year practially of all this information and all these different details into one night... for one test. I mean, I dont even know if Cal Poly accepts APES for credit and stuff. and gurrrr. this is just really annoying..
oh and I really dont give a rats ass about the math test either. becuase i have learned that no matter if i study my ASS of or if i dont open the book the night before the test, I STILL get in the 60% range, and then my teacher ends up boosting my overall grade to a B-. no matter what. i just have a set grade in that class all year of a B- <-- even if i try harder one quarter and slack off the other. its always a B-.
so yes. there is really nothing to do at school.
and Friday is my last official day anyways.. well.. for all the rest of the seniors too. cuz we're just that cool.
AND I HAVE PROM THIS FRIDAY . which is pretty freaking exciting.
my dress is simple. but elegant i guessss andd yah. there was like.. NOTHING this year. I was thoroughly disappointed. but thats ok. and of course I'm going with the lovely tsubyyy WHICH REMINDS ME I HAVE TO GET A GUEST PASS SHITTT.
and a corsage and stuffff
ahhhh.
and then on mothers day I leave for san diego and then come back and then the month of june is gunna be insane for me cuzzzz
on june 10th i have my gradparty at my uncles along with a million other grad parties before that and then june 11th I have the Garrod Farms Invitational show that I'm showing in (western eq/pleasure) and then june 12th i leave for Mexico Come back the 16th (i miss tsubys b day :( boo!) MOVE IN TO DORMS on the 17th/18th and then FIRST DAY OF CLASSES ON THE 19TH. omg. this is gunna be crazyyyy
so yah ok well i guess this is enough pointless writing for now.
I GRADUATE IN LIKE 10 DAYSSSSSSSS. eeee (may 20th)
so i got into CAL POLY for the Summer 2006 Quarter, and will continue as a student there for the Fall 2006 quarter and so on.
So im really excited. and i can totally see myself there. and its awesome. and yay.
So I think Im going to be doing the las 5 week session which starts on July 24th and goes until Septemper 2nd soooo I'm going to be gone early. BUT BUT BUT I'm most likely going to be coming back every weekend because Beauty is going to be here and my friends and everything and I might keep my job at garrods on Sundays... but I'm really not sure becuase I have NO idea what my schedule is going to be like for classes... but all in all im really super excited and I hope everything works out there... on a lotta different levels...
and there is no ONE specific reason why I'm going there. besides the facts that I really like the area, school, major I got in for, and a whole buncha other reasons. It looks like i can take beauty there for the main school year and stuff so that will be good...
I am kinda nervous about having to leave so early thouugh and not have anyone tehre that I know to like help me along the way... But at least I will have friends for the regular school year that I will have made during summer quarter.
and yah, Tsuby is going to be going there too for fall and stuff (not summer obviously) and like I am really excited, Im just sick of people always telling me that the reason I'm going there is for him and like its not gunna work out and like we're gunna break up and then I'm going to hate the school and I'm going to want to leave and I'm gunna do horribly etc. My aunt was saying all this shit to me becuase she is alwyas like that... and im SO sick of people being against it. If they even KNEW anything about me, they would know that I wanted to go to SLO (san luis obispo) since the like... 6th grade! I first heard about it when I found out you could take a class and have/ raise/ train your own cow and could name it and stuff and then I was like HEY I WANNA GO THERE. and I wanted to be a vet and go tehre or Davis... too bad I forgot to apply to Davis (long story) and so if ANYONE dares to tell me that the only reason that I'm going to SLO is because my boyfriend goes there, they better be prepared to get bitched out. because im SO effing sick of it. Every Sunday I get shit from Mary, and yah, i take it... but it REALLY gets old. Everytime i hear shit from my aunt, i get SO pissed. When people ask me... "where do you want to go", or "where are you considering" or lately, "where are you going?" and I say SLO, I can see that look.. and then the response.. "...Ohh doesnt tsubasa go there...........?" yah. and ladies and gentlemen... NOW SARA GOES THERE.
Its worked this long so far with out being together everyday... so obviously im not JUST going there for him. Yah, I'm not gunna lie, its a plus-- it happens to be conveinient but I KNOW it could work even if we werent together at the same college.. it has forrrr 7.5 months out of 11.....
and I know this rant part seems hella outta the ordinary... but i know that people think it... and it does make me like sad/ mad that people think that is the only reason I would go somewhere... Like Im not smart enough to take anything else into consideration. I'm not that narrow minded I can see multiple things at the same time. I am thinking about the next 4 years, I am thinking about my carrer I am thinking about my FUTURE. and this is the place where all of that fits together for me.
i've been instructed to update my LJ by the lovely tsubasa since apparently the last entry I did was an angry one or something. I honestly didnt check it.. maybe i should do that to see what i wrote. brb.
AHHH YES YES i remember...
sooo yah. Everything got worked out between me and Tsuby. its SOO much better and yay for the english language and communication.
andddddd as for me being a second semester senior nowwwwwww... it still kinda really sucks. I guess the middle of the 4th quarter is when it all just doesnt matter becuase nothing is done in your classes...but for now... it still majorly sucks.
sooo yes. colleges acceptances have started to come out for a lot of people but i still havent gotten a lot of mine. I've heard back from 3 schools, and gotten into those ones. Cal Poly Pomona, San Diego State UNiversity and UC Riverside.
SOO yah.
I went to San Luis Obispo like 2 weeks ago for my winter vacation and stayed down there for like 3 days 2 nights in a real live dorm which was pretty fucking smashing!! :)
it was pretty fun and I got to go to half of a college class. which was pretty much what i expected it to be... and i realllly like SLO and its my top choice and gurrrrr. I should stop visiting there becuase it makes me want to go there more and moreeee.
and i saw my cousin when i went down there. it was also fun. and yay.
hmmm what else OHOHOH. i can fully drive myself places now. no more my mom has to drive with me thing which makes things A LOT better. omg. i can go to tsuby's house and not make him drive me everywhere and like i dont feel bad everytime he has to take me somewhere and i can visit him during his 2 hr breaks on saturday and its just working out grandly. sooo yesssss
Work is ok i guess... I think im gunna put in an application at BJs as a hostess or something becuase i am really sick of working at garrods. like i love it and all.. but seriously.. its time for a change. definitely. I love my sunday crew tho.. all the good times. and all the good food. and like just talking and messing around and like making scott feel uncomfotable by talking about sex and all this shit. AHHHH. AND attempting to learn japanese... heheh.. lets just say i suck(ed) anddd yah.
im prolly going down to san diego to check out the open house the first week of April and see how i like it....
and yah. my fingers are kinda tired from typing so much today and so i think im going to end this here.
SEE LOOK! A HAPPY POSITIVE ENTRY SO THAT YOU DONT HAVE TO KEEP LOOKING AT THE NEGATIVE ONE TSUBY!! <3.
ok this is a really random entry. but like yah i ono. i kinda feel like just getting shit out and that is pretty much what LJ is for.. right? yes..
so basically... im a second semester senior and college is taking fucking forever to get here. ok well.. especially college acceptences.
but yah. im really sick of my house and people in it and my area and like i wanna go away. and there is NO way in fucking hell that I am going to santa clara. way to effing close to home. like omg i'd kill someone. so yah. its either pomona which i have already gotten in to or san luis obispo which i better fucking get in to. or i really am gunna kill like... the computer system that looks at the apps since humans dont
and i really hate that feeling where you feel like stuff isnt right. and its so fucking frustrating becuause you cant like put your finger on it its just a general aura/ attitude and you are like sick of everything and wanna get away but you dont at the same time becuase then you are scared because you are gunna lose everything. and then you arent really sure if you wanna stay becuase you want to and you need it or if you stay because of what you might lose. and you want both. and you cant have both. and gurrrr and i KNOW this makes no sense... and w/e this is totally an entry for me. i doubt anyone is gunna read through this whole thing anyways but yah what the fuck ever. and like when people act differently and like just do stuff and act a certain way and it just pisses you off the way it happens.. but you really cant say anything becuase you cant like label it under a certain action. just like the response someone gives you compared to the answer they usually give you and like you cant say anything becuase it is just a response but it pisses you off anyways because you are like either expecting or wanting a different answer than the one you get.
or like you cant get mad or w/e with the person cuz of what they do, but it makes you feel a certain way and its really frustrating becuase you cant change the way you feel and then you are in a bad mood. and dont know how to get out of the bad mood. and you feel so empty and it seems like you are gunna stay mad/ sad for forever. but you know you aren't becuase something always ends up happening so that you gradually get out of your "mood". but you are sitting there waitng for it to come becuase you wanna feel happy again.
and then you start to feel ok.. but you are still on that fucking line of going the other direction again to complete utter fucking unhappiness. and then somehting happens and you go there again, and you are waiting to feel happy again. and this time its worse becuase now you are thinking about 2 different things that are pissing you off and you dont want to be pissed off
and i also hate when you are mad or upset... and the other person that SHOULD be able to read that or realize that totally doesnt. and you feel like if you go out and say it everytime you are like annoyed by something or w/e then you eventually will become naggy and annoying. and i have issues balancing that out. becuase i dont say anything and by the time i do im super mad about it and its too late. im fucking pissed.
but its the thing where something pisses you off but you cant put your finger on it, but you still cant just let it go and be cool with it.
i hate life and emotions sometimes. they fucking suck.
and i really just want everything to work out. for a really long time. and there is nothing more i want than that.
but then i get these feelings like.. ah i ono. i just get stupid.
and its really a lot of just me being dumb. fuck i forgot what i was gunna say. but yah.. i just go through these phases where shit doesnt feel the same. and maybe it isnt just me. maybe it does get like that.
i just really dont like that feeling. where someone is totally distracted and shit and you just hate that feeling like where you should be talking but the other person is distracted and you are half "attached" but you just really dont want to be in a way becuase then its just frustrating as FUCK. but then again you want to stay but just have the other person have their attention on you. and you cant have that either. becuase that is unrealistic and selfish and stupid. so then you are torn. and you dont wanna bother the other person from what they are doing but then if you say you are gunna go, all of the sudden its like... nooo... dont go. and then its a viscious cycle. and it sucks ass.
and basically im confused and frustrated and need: a freaking punching bag, to be able to drive my car, a lot of fucking money, and the ability to explain everything i just TRIED to explain reallly clearly. that is what i need. and maybe a room that is sound proof where no one can see or hear me where i can get everything out. with out worrying about being judged...
other than that.. life is dandy...... pshh.
yah so my mom also quit her job type thing and is taking time off work... which means.. even LESS money, and my mom fucking around all the time. which is REALLY not working. and its only the 2nd day.
how can some one who was like... never home basically expect to just nestle in right at home sweet home and have me move right over and accept that. i need adjusting time. she cant try and fucking inflict everything on me. like she plans her life out second by second and that really doesnt work for me. i like being independent. and i just really dont see this working. THANK GD FOR THE END OF SUMMER.... which is still a shitload of time away
GOD IM SO LJSABGFKJDSABGFDSAKDGBKDSB AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I WANNA SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMM. adsnfdsfsgdsgjdsngjdsngjfdngjngjewbg
dude. wow. he is SO immature. i hate him. he is my stepdad for those of you who dont know
and if you wanna k here is a copy pasted convo explaining everything. ximacowgurlx: ok so here ximacowgurlx: ted picked me up from school today ximacowgurlx: and ximacowgurlx: ximacowgurlx : like i dont really eat dinner with my parents ne more ximacowgurlx : cuz im not hungry by the time they eat cuz i get home from my moms work at 9 (cuz she stays there till then and i dont have a car) ximacowgurlx : so today ted picked me up ximacowgurlx : and i was like what are we having for dinner ximacowgurlx: ximacowgurlx : and he was like.. psh.. i dont know.. prolly left overs.. but its not like you eat with us anyways.. so why does it even matter? ximacowgurlx : and i was like................ wtf but i didnt say ne thing ximacowgurlx : but that was hella rude ximacowgurlx : and then we get homw ximacowgurlx : home* ximacowgurlx : and he heats up a big pot thing of leftovers ximacowgurlx: ximacowgurlx : and hes like dinner is here of u want it.. but i wasnt hungry yet so i was like i dont want dinner right now. im gunna wait ximacowgurlx : and he walks away and is like.. yah i should have known not to ask... i already knew the answer ximacowgurlx : like in a hella dicked tone ximacowgurlx : and i was like.. WOW. OMG THAT WAS SOOO RUDE but not like YELLING like the caps suggest. but that was my reaction ximacowgurlx : and i said it ximacowgurlx : and he was like.. see.. i should have known better. ximacowgurlx : and walks out to the garage ximacowgurlx: ximacowgurlx : and then ximacowgurlx : he leaves for a while to go somewhere.. idont know wher ximacowgurlx : e ximacowgurlx : and my mom gets home ximacowgurlx: ximacowgurlx : and she opens my room slowly and shes like.. in a short pissy mood-- im home.. just letting u know. bye ximacowgurlx : and im like... wait mom come here ximacowgurlx : adn shes all annoyed and says.. what sara... ximacowgurlx : and im like am i staying home tomorrow to study for LIT? i just wanted to know for sure ximacowgurlx: ximacowgurlx : and she was like... well are you actually going to study? ximacowgurlx : and im like.. ok.. you dont think i study? ximacowgurlx: ximacowgurlx : and shes like.. YOU KNOW WHAT... yes, sara..yes. you can stay home. OK?! and im like.. mom whats wrong.. why are you being like that ximacowgurlx : and she was like.. its just your response. i didnt say u didnt study. but yes. you can stay home. bye. and walks out of my room ximacowgurlx: ximacowgurlx : and that was only becauseeeee ximacowgurlx : when ted left and went somewhere, he called her ximacowgurlx : and told HIS biased side of the story. ximacowgurlx : and she was pissed by the time she got home.
ok... like i wouldnt fucking have a problem telling her yah.. i said he was rude. i would have told her that 30 BUCKS SAYS he didnt say to her the shit he said to me.. in the same tone or exact wording. see the thing is.. i can remember converstaions verbatim. and i would say it HOW IT FUCKING WENT DOWN... but no. hes a dick and is a fucking little bitch..
I CANNOT WAIT FOR COLLEGE. seriously. this is HELL...
oh and a whole bunch of other shit is wrong too.. everything just feels so fucking wrong and different and out of place and i hate it. absolutely detest it. wow. i wanna curl up in a corner and never come out
and it sucks when other people and friends dont believe in you or dont think that you can do something and they are against you from the beginning and then it makes you not do something you normally would love to do. but it just sucks knowing they aren't on your side.
THE END.
and that, ladies and gentlemen is sara's angry-angry-angry-i-wanna-leave-san-jose-and-not-come-back-ever-entry.
omg. i hate being bored at school but i didnt know that they unblocked live journal. COOL!
sooo umm rand told me to update so i guess i am.
wow i totally havent written in this thing in FOR EV ER.
so basically i have been really busy with college stuff and am getting to the end of it all.
I submitted my CSU apps and my UC apps
except omg i did the stupidest thing. I totally forgot to apply to UC davis. yah go sara. im STUPID. but i ono.. i guess there wasnt really anything on the mahjors list the really attracted to me to that school PLUS i dont want to go to a UC in particular.
but i dont know if i can get into my top choice college. im sooo scared. if i dont get in then what do i do!!??!! ahhhhh.
but yah im suprised i pulled off the UC apps becuase I didnt really even start the UC essays until like the day before thanksgiving. YAHHH. im hella dumb. but i wrote my best and longest UC essay on thanksgiving day between cooking foods and wrote it in 20 minutes. and it was almost totally done. CRAZY. like the only shit i had to change was like grammar stuff. it was pretty sick. but the other ones were lame and im probably not going to get it. GREAT.
ummm but enough about that i guess this break i didnt do a whole lot. hung out with the coolest guy ever tho. and had a fun thanksgiving. family came over and i ate a lot of food. wayyyy too much food. umm OH and then we went to the san fransico auto show and i got to sit in MANUAL CARS AND SHIFT. of course the cars weren't ON but the feeling of the clutch is a feeling much missed. and i have to leave school right now so i will finish this later
lonely
full
frustrated