No one plans to sleep out in the gutter

i am a retarded person

Sooo. Today is April 5. Holy shit. Two more months of school...about. I can't even stand being in that place anymore. I really dislike all my classes, except art, which is still aggravating sometimes because for some reason, i can't draw people! well, i can't make a likeness, anyway. it sucks and its frustrating. But. Whateverrrr.

I HATE band. I hate Tempered Steel. Really. Really. Hate it. And I hate going over the same shit with Mr. Messina. Like honestly can we move past box 23? please?

i missed three days due to a disgusting cold, so now i have a shitload when i come back on monday. Gross.


Things i am looking forward to:
Prom. And Brittany told me that Phil is planning to ask me. Really, I'm glad. I can't think of anyone I'd rather go with. Prom is gonna be fucking awesome. I still don't have a dress, but it's okay, I've still got a month to get one.

May 21. lol. I can FINALLY get my license! Not having my license is seriously started to get to me. I mean, yes, i still don't even have a car, but just having my license will be enough, at least for now. I'm still saving up for a car. It's going all right.

The musical is going well. We seem to be on schedule as far as the set goes... i'm not yet sure how i feel about the show itself, since i havent seen it or heard much about it, but i'm excited nonetheless. drama this year certainly isn't as fun as it was last year. i'm considering not doing construction next year. i don't know... i'm just not really cut out for it. and i probably won't do the play, again, because of marching band.

Junior year of high school is slowly coming to a close...and man, did it fucking FLY by. I hardly even remember it.

As a result of not going on livejournal as much as I used to, when I do come on here, I forget my password. I reset it, think I'll remember it, and then the next time I come on, maybe in a few weeks, I forget what it was. Reset, remember, wait a couple more weeks, log on, forget, reset, and the cycle never ends.

But I remember it now.

So Evan and I broke up because I wanted to. It's been over a week since I've actually physically talked to him, although I left him a voicemail and he returned my call with another voicemail. He said in his message that he hasn't talked to me simply because he has nothing to say. And I realized that I don't really have anything to say either, so I guess it's okay. He seems to be doing okay. Sometimes I miss him. And you know, you think about all the good times you had together, all the fun you had, and you get caught up and think why the hell did I end it? I had something really good.

Then you remember all the things they did to make you mad, all the stupid little things that bothered you, and then you remember that it just wasn't working.

But still, you have to think, did I even try to make it work? Things get weird and then I proceed to give up. Not that I'm saying I want to get back together with Evan, but it did end kind of weird. Like sudden death.

Anyway, enough.

I watched Across the Universe with mom. It was quite odd at most parts, but in that way that's just really cool. I love observing transitions in movies, the way they do them. AtU had very creative ones. Although the popcorn mom made didn't really agree with me and I kind of feel like I could throw up.

But yeah, the movie. It was great. The music. Awesome. And it didn't make me cry, which is a plus.

Well I got the movie for my birthday. :] Seventeen at last. I also got the movie RENT, which is another good one. Musicals rock.

I swear I can't wait for this year to be over. I want to stop listening to Mr. Schmittdiel say folks every two seconds and laugh at all his jokes while the rest of us try to occupy ourselves with other things without his noticing. He's a nice guy but I had him last semester and his voice is beginning to bug me. Sociology just isn't as interesting to me as psychology was.

I am enjoying art class so far. We're starting another project, it has to be a composite of something. I don't really know what to do. I guess Monday I'm just going to be trying stuff out, figuring out what it is I want to draw. I found out that I'm not so bad at it. This drawing thing.

English is so easy, we're working on the Dial magazine and reading To Kill a Mockingbird. Gov't is still just note taking and stuff I will never remember.

Band. There are mixed feelings... Things are getting better, it's just that I have no motivation to practice.
Today we had solo and ensemble, and both flute choir and trio got ones. I'm really glad about that, and also glad that chamber got a two, because that means we don't have to go to states, and I only really wanted to go to states for choir and trio, and that's what I got, and thus I am satisfied.

I really want to do drama this year, but do I have time?

Yep so there's this other monster problem that i am trying to solve, trying to repress, trying to decipher, what is this, why am i doing this, will it ever stop, will i ever stop thinking about him, why do i have to think about him, why should i, its not like it'll ever work, we have fun, but its nothing real, im sure im just another girl im not that girl that changes your life, not like Lucy in Across the Universe, the one you cant live without, the one you sing about on rooftops during the Revolution.



Blah.

What do you do when you can't keep your mind off of a person that... that you shouldn't have your mind on? I don't know why i feel like this... it seriously freaks the fuck out of me.





i hate going to sleep at night

Christmas = as normal, fun but tiring. Nothing too special.
Evan's present = fucking awesome
Made another movie with Brittany. What what. She got a green screen for Christmas. So we tested out that sucker and I am so excited to see the results.


Hum. Been hanging out this break. As per usual. Working. Eh. It's going well. Haha at least that one girl I and nobody else could stand got fired. Sweeeet. Going to see I Am Legend today with the boy.

Sweeney Todd, loved it. Wish it could have had a more...satisfying ending. Oh well, Johnny Depp makes death look lovely.

Maybe taking mom to see Alvin and the Chipmunks tomorrow. Maaayyybeee.

Allison's 20th birthday is tuesday, dear lord.

Go back to school on the third. Gross.

But that means my birthday will be one month away, give a couple days.

Seventeen bitch.

Finally.

Um, driving a lot lately. Anytime I can, really. I'm all right.

Sort of missing the people I used to talk to.

Ok. Time to be productive. See ya.

So I have this really nasty mouth sore going on, on the roof of my mouth, right where the back of your tongue touches when you swallow. AKA, it hurts like a motherfcker to swallow, to eat, to drink, to talk sometimes. It just hurts like a bitch. And I want to complain about it.


SO I'm on Thansgiving break I guess. Not much of a break... worked today, work Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, all eight hour shifts. -shrug- At least I can see Evan on Friday. I miss him. I miss hanging out with him. I wish there were more days in the week!

Um... well, I finally got my perrrrrmit. YAY ^^ I like driving. It feels so good just to have the OPTION to drive somewhere if I want to. Now I just have to wait another six months...


Well really nothing else exciting has happened, except for my permit-getting and mouthsore-hating extravanganzas. School is going pretty damn well, I have A's in everything except physics. but then again physics is gay.

um. i guess i'm excited for christmas soon?

mine and evan's four months in four days :]

turkey day tomorrow (except its going to hurt to eat...dammit)

ummm yah. so. that's it. i think.

Yeah this Paramore song...is stuck in my head. I'm not even a "fan" of Paramore.

Um. let's see, what's going on in the world of Emily lately...

Well, really the same ol' same ol'. Going to school (which is going quite well, except I'm still struggling in physics...sometimes i just don't understand it), going to work (which is the same as always) and hanging out with my friends. I'm thinking about a couple things i want to start doing...ie, after school drama, which i miss, i really do, but at the same time i dont know how i feel about going back, especially since scottie and jake are gone :[ Construction wont be the same without them.

I was also thinking about doing indoor drumline. Brittany and Jacquie both want me to, and its not that i dont want to...its just, do i have the time? The practices will be after school, four days a week, each like an hour and a half. How can i do that if i want to do drama and work as well? Plus i wouldn't be able to play anything but...cymbals or something easy that requires practically no percussion experience.

So. Yeah.

Um, marching band is over. I bawled my eyes out at the last home game. Everything about that night was amazing...except for later on when the cops busted a party that i was at.

It wasn't even really a big deal, it was just out in the middle of nowhere, a bunch of marching band kids, not everyone was drinking. some people were high and maybe had a little buzz, but it wasnt much. Yes, i had some peach schnapps, but it really wasnt a lot. Still, when i saw the cops walking towards us, i felt like throwing up. And then Melinda and i cried because we were terrified of what our parents were going to do, and we were terrified of getting MIPs, and we were terrified that our friends/marching band acquiantences who brought the alcohol were going to get into some major trouble. Plus Randy was running out in the woods at 1 in the morning, drunk off his ass, just running away from it all.

All in all, it worked out. Yes, i did have to call my mom and tell her to pick me up, and yes she was disappointed that i drank, but i had no intention of getting drunk. it was harmless. luckily i didnt have to do the whole breathalizer thing either.

Yeah. Fun night.

In one week, it'll be mine and Evan's three months, which surprises me...I've never been so happy with anyone.

And...I think tonight i may call up my friend Jessica whom i've not spoken to in months, since she dropped out of school. It's not even really that i miss her, which sounds terrible, since we used to be best friends...but i'm still worried about her.

Anywho. I don't really have much homework but i've already typed a lot today and i dont think i have anything else to talk about.

Tonight is homecoming. I am so fcking excited.

It's only 9 in the morning, I woke at 730, I was soooo not tired. Last night was the homecoming game, which we lost of course, but the highlight of the night was that my bestest friend Adam Coppa was crowned homecoming king. He was wearing a toga.

So now Adam is going to run for Mr. AB, and Miss Brittany and I will be his sponsors. I am so excited for that, it's going to be amazing and we're going to win. But that's not for like another six months.

Um yeah so last night I saw my friend Jake who graduated last year, and he told me that he wants me to break up with Evan.
"Did you dump that guy yet?"
"Nope. Two months."
"Oh."
"Why, are you waiting for me to dump him?"
"Yeah, basically."

Lawlz. Sorry but it's not gonna happen.

But it IS frustrating when my boyfriend doesn't have his license or a job. Even though he has a car. And his permit. And he only needs to drive a little more and take his test. RAWR. Every time I mention the license thing, he says, "Well why don't you have YOUR license? You're older than me", and I'm like...DUDE I don't even have my permit, wtffffff. I just want to see him more. I joke that his un-motivation to get his license shows that he doesn't want to hang out with me. I know that's not the case, and he's really just lazy, but stillllllll. It would make things so much easier. I don't even really care that he doesn't have a job, I know he's still really busy with soccer. He's got a game like every other day along with practice. But still, he should be thinking about getting one soon. The sooner the better.

And lately I've been getting heated about these issues with Michigan and the budget and all that shit. WTF, our economy is so messed up. Did you know that prisoners (in California, at least, not sure about Michigan) are REQUIRED to have health insurance? Which is completely paid for with the taxpayers money?

But people like, oh i dunno, my family, can't get health insurance because the parent's jobs don't provide it and it costs too much to pay for privately? WTF? A prisoner gets health insurance, paid for, and yet the working citizens are screwed over, once again.


I'm saying WTF a lot.

To think that the state legislative has had EIGHT MONTHS to figure this shit out, and yet now we're facing a shutdown and thousands of people will be laid off because of THEIR mistake, that is just wrong.

I don't know what to say bout the childrens health insurance bill thingy tho. I mean, it sounds like its just for kids. Prolly under the age of 18, but what about people like in their twenties who don't have health coverage? It wouldn't apply to them. Or senior citizens who still can't afford it? I mean its great to give it to kids, but come on, there's so many other people to think about.

Anyway. Going to get my hair done in like two hours... I'm so excited!!!

Yesterday's work day was the most amazing work day EVER! Since we only had partial power, the people working that day basically got to fool around and do basically whatever we wanted. I came in to people sitting in the hallways eating pizza.

then I sat in a really dark theater with the Sara's, Courtney, Stacey, Emily, and Jackie. Eventually it wound down to just me, Sarah and Courtney, listening to ring tones, our favorites being SexyBack and Lipgloss :]

Haahaaa then Hilary came in and we got to clean the chrome in the boys bathroom!! It was pretty hardcore.

So Courtney, Jackie, Sara, and Stacey got to leave.... which later led to me, Hilary, JJ, Ryan, Stephanie, Emily, and James to play MJR broom hockey. I would like to point out that even tho hilary, jj and i didnt win, we were three against four, and me and hilary are NOT sports people! It was so fun though, i almost died from panting and laughing my ass off.

anyway we were almost scott free, able to go home at 8 (we got paid to fool around, lol), but then DTE finally showed up and got the power back on at 730! which meant that me, steph, and hilary had to open the stand and work for like only two hours.


OMG good times.

-"Nooo! Nooo!"
-"You guys gotta see this" *me standing with the mop bucket and a bunch of spilled water*
-Hilary stepping on our balls
-Hilary breaking everything
-hopping the concession stand counter
-peeing in the boys bathroom
-jalapeno juice....ew....
-hilary being drunk
-doing things in dark theaters ;]


so much fun.

So, summer is twelve days away from being over.

I honestly didn't do any of the things I wanted to do. It was meant to be the summer of freedom and opportunity, because I have a job and money makes things possible. But...it turned out to be the opposite. Anytime I wasn't working I was making plans to hang out with my usual group of friends. Of course it's been fun - summer is always fun. It just felt like the shortest summer ever.

There are also a few people I didn't hang out with over the summer whatsoever, and I can hardly believe it. I don't know how it happened. We all said we would, but it just never happened. It makes me sad, but at the same time I'm thinking what if it means we're growing apart? Did I really make an effort to see those people? If I'd really wanted to, wouldn't I have made more of a conscious effort to do so, and vice versa? Probably. Which means we're becoming different people with different friends and different interests.

Band has been great, though, it really has. I love the music and the show is so easy compared to years past. I feel good about Friday's game. I think we're gonna be awesome.

On the downside...I have practiced my flute once this entire summer. ONCE. I am in fucking wind ensemble this year, how did I only practice ONCE? Why am I even in WE? I obviously don't care about music as much as I should for being in WE.

I also haven't finished Malcolm X yet. That book sucks. Really.
The Bell Jar was better.

On the upside, work has become much more stimulating now that I'm more comfortable with people I work with. Four months, yo. ;]

Aaaand I found myself a great person to be with, Evan. I can't believe how much we can talk, just talk, without becoming bored of each other. I also find myself missing him a lot, just wanting to see him. I'm always up for calling him or talking online, which makes me feel clingy. And I'm not the clingy type, I never have been.
One month as of this Saturday. ^^

So, all in all, I am pretty pumped for school to start. I get paid tomorrow, and I'm using that money to buy school supplies and new clothes. I'm pretty excited for that. However, I know that when school actually starts, seeing my friends or my boyfriend outside of school will be next to impossible. I'm not looking forward to that disappointment.

Buuuut in October I'll finally be taking driver's training. I'll finally be on my way to a license...and hopefully a car.

So, that's it for now.