i guess i've pretty much abandoned my livejournal, which is sad because i've had it since i started high school. i dunno. things change...everything's so different now. and not just for me, for everyone. some for the better, some for the worst. life is hard. i was told this for 18 years. and suddenly...it makes a lot of sense to me. all the tiny little details you have to work out in order to have a decent life. overwhelming, i tell ya.
tj and i are "apartment shopping". *big overdramatic sigh* i cant wait to just move in somewhere and be done with it. i cant wait to get into college and BE DONE WITH IT. i'm ready for senior year to burn in hell. it has NOT been a good year school-wise. i've done a lot better in my classes, but as far as school being even slightly entertaining....its really isnt anymore. everyone's gone away, or changed so much they might as well have. such is life.
i dont have anything to say. ive given up on "updating occassionally". its not the end forever, i dont guess. but probably for a while.
A long december and theres reason to believe Maybe this year will be better than the last I cant remember the last thing that you said as you were leavin Now the days go by so fast
And its one more day up in the canyons And its one more night in hollywood If you think that I could be forgiven...I wish you would
The smell of hospitals in winter And the feeling that its all a lot of oysters, but no pearls All at once you look across a crowded room To see the way that light attaches to a girl
And its one more day up in the canyons And its one more night in hollywood If you think you might come to california...I think you should
Drove up to hillside manor sometime after two a.m. And talked a little while about the year I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower, Makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her
And its been a long december and theres reason to believe Maybe this year will be better than the last I cant remember all the times I tried to tell myself To hold on to these moments as they pass And its one more day up in the canyon And its one more night in hollywood Its been so long since Ive seen the ocean...I guess I should
"The PET scan showed little or no visible signs of the disease. Some would call that being 'in remission'."
IM IN REMISSION!!!! As of today, I have been officially declared free of Hodgkins Disease. Now, I'm not "cured". You have to be in remission for 5 years before they consider you cured of cancer, because its very unlikely to relapse after 5 years. I'm still at a heightened risk for things like breast cancer, heart disease, etc...But I guess you have to face every problem as it comes to you.
Anyway.
I just wanted to let you all know. I wish I felt better so I could be as excited as I should be.
"Where to begin? Stop listening to the Counting Crows!! I like them, but man they can really bring you down. I think it would be best to find something a little more inspiring. As far as being stuck in your head, thats not hard to do, given the circumstances. It can be a problem, but I think some of it is necessary. Try to use it to your advantage. You are going through some experiences that some do not feel their whole lives. In other words, take what helps you and leave the rest."
The rain it started tapping on the window near my bed There was a loophole in my dreaming, so I got out of it And to my surprise my eyes were wide and already open Just my night stand and my dresser Where those nightmares had just been So I dressed myself and left, then out into the grey streets But everything seemed different and completely new to me The sky, the trees, houses, buildings, even my own body And each person I encountered, I couldn't wait to meet
Then I came upon a doctor who appeared in quite poor health I said "(I am terribly sorry but) there is nothing that I can do for you That you can't do for yourself" He said "oh yes you can, just hold my hand, I think that that would help" So I sat with him awhile then I asked him how he felt
He said "I think I'm cured No in fact I'm sure of it Thank you stranger, for your therapeutic smile"
So that's how I learned the lesson that everyone's alone And your eyes must do some raining if you're ever gonna grow But when crying don't help, you can't compose yourself It's best to compose a poem An honest verse of longing or a simple song of hope
That's why I'm singing baby don't worry, cause now I got your back And every time you feel like crying you know I'll try and make you laugh But if I can't, if it just hurts too bad, then we'll wait for it to pass And I will keep you company through those days so long and black
And we'll keep working on the problem we know we'll never solve Of love's uneven remainders, our lives are fractions of a whole But if the world could remain within a frame like a painting on a wall Then I think we'd see the beauty there and stand staring in awe
At our still lives posed Like a bowl of oranges Like a story told by the fault lines and the soil
they called me into work tonight from 8-12. hmmmmmmmm. it'll be ok cuz it wont be as busy. hopefully we wont get held up at gun point. i'll be babysitting up until its time to leave for work though. then ive got to work at 9 tomorrow morning. blah. i can do it. coffee, coffee, coffee. i need it in inhaler form.
morose
happy
busy