It's a tale as old as time: I learn about an obscure movie starring a surprisingly robust cast of name actors that seems like it would be right up my alley and wonder to myself, "How have I never heard of this before?" Then I watch the movie and realize, "Ah yes...I'd never heard of it because it's not very good."

In the case of Nightwatch this is a forgotten horror/thriller from 1997 starring Ewan McGregor, Nick Nolte, Josh Brolin,…

So basically a rich, married landlord/pharmacist with a foot fetish offers to give one of his poor tenants a deal on his rent if he’ll force his cute daughter with tiny feet to be his maid. The landlord’s wife knows her husband has the hots for the help so while he’s away on business she marries little foot off to a guy known throughout the town to have a considerable cock. However tiny toes also knows that her former employer’s…

I didn't like Cool World very much when I watched it 16 years ago and not much has changed since then. There is a cool concept hidden somewhere inside this hot mess of a film but it can never quite find the surface. Brad Pitt is prominently featured throughout the story and advertising while honestly feeling like a third wheel that could have been left out entirely without changing/losing much. Some of the animation such as that of Holly and…

I recall liking Superman when I saw it in the theater in 2025. However past the occasional mention of it here and there in passing conversation because I work in a comic book store I haven’t really thought about that film much in the past year.

Supergirl somehow feels even less substantial than that to me. I liked most things about this film without really loving anything. My biggest takeaway is that I quite liked Milly Alcock, with whom I…

When I saw the trailer for Tornado some months ago I recall thinking, “This looks pretty cool…though I could also see it not living up to the expectations they’re setting.” However that didn’t stop me from blind-buying the movie on Blu-ray and giving it the ol’ college try. I like the basic premise, the setting, the time period and some of the cast of Tornado. The dry tone and urgency-free pacing were two of my biggest issues with the film.…

Despite the title I wasn’t sure whether to expect some sort of action film from Killers On Wheels or just a beach party movie with bikers. For the first half of the runtime it largely seems like the latter as the title characters spend their time dancing surf-side, racing their motorcycles, lusting over their gang’s members of the fairer sex or playing mildly mean-spirited pranks on the squares vacationing at a remote house on the same island as them. Then…

I had been meaning to watch The Night Comes For Us for years now and I’m not sure why I waited so long. Finally inspired to pop it on after seeing The Furious in the theater, I think the timing of my inaugural viewing may have done it a disservice. The action in this film is good, but the the story is a bit more melancholy than I was expecting and the pace isn’t as breakneck as I’d always imagined…

Monkeybone isn’t quite an all-time favorite of mine but if I’d owned it on DVD in the early 2000’s I have a feeling I would have watched it dozens of times and it might have become one. I just love the cut of this movie’s jib. While an introverted artist played by Brendan Fraser in his prime is in a coma in Tim Burton purgatory a horny, stop-motion figment of his imagination steals his body to fuck his girlfriend, sell…

Wealthy kung-fu masters Lung and Tan both have their sights set on showcasing the most impressive lantern at an upcoming festival. To get the upper hand over his rival, Lung bribes a shopkeeper to learn the location of the master craftsman who makes his lanterns. Visiting the secretive genius in the swamp, Lung discovers that he is none other than an old rival of his named Fang whom he'd shamed by scarring his forehead when last they fought seven years…

Action for action's sake. The story? Largely irrelevant. It offers very clear and simple good guys you want to see vindicated and bad guys you want to see punished, and that's good enough. If there's any suspicion that the story is anywhere near the filmmakers' primary concern I think that notion goes out the window when the big guy we all thought was dispatched long ago happens to miraculously wake up just in time to show up at the climax…

Villains who aren't threatening. Heroes who seem not to know why they're doing "good"...or even realizing that they are for that matter. "Get out of jail free cards" dealt out left and right with no rhyme or reason. Distractingly fake CG. Loads of ideas we've seen before with seemingly nothing new to say about them. And all of this served up in a typically bloated 2.5 hour runtime that has no real ending to speak of. I mean...all the characters…