This is the best movie ever because Dan Aykroyd gets smashed over the head with a television and dies

Macauley Culkin plays a boy who gets stung to death by bees. I’m no scientist, but I believe that if doctors had pumped his corpse full of Dan Aykroyd’s Crystal Head Vodka, he would’ve come back to life.

The first rule of filmmaking is that every film needs a relatable protagonist. On that score, ‘Jaws’ is a dismal failure. The hero of the film (the titular Jaws) lives underwater (!), breathes by inhaling seawater through his gills (!!), and is ultimately blown up by a scuba tank (!!!). This is so far removed from my own lived experience that I simply found it impossible to connect with the character. If director Steven Spielberg thinks that Jaws’s behaviour is normal, he should spend less time in Hollywood and more time in the real world!

A shockingly irresponsible film. In the opening scenes, Eminem is clearly suffering from acute spaghetti poisoning, yet still performs in a rap battle. In real life, he would die. Spaghetti poisoning is fatal in 100% of cases if not treated within five hours. Dozens of spaghetti deaths can be attributed to the misinformation spread by this film. The producers (and Eminem himself) are lucky not to have been charged with criminal negligence.