Read my Diary XD

Some days ago I signed in for my make-up artist training and today I got a mail that I'm accepted for the course =)))) I'm so happy, I was already worrying that I've signed in too late and that they have already their maximum number of attendants buuuut however, now I'm one of them =) So now there are approximately nine months left till I'll start my training,....I'm looking so much forward to it =)

Meanwhile I'll use the time for practising =)

I'm so full with energy at the moment, I feel really STUFFED with it^^
That's pretty cool because the last days I was just tired tired tired all the time, it was rainy and dark all the time just with little breaks when the sun came out and....well I guess working in the morning made me tired as well.....I'm a born nightshift-worker....the day, especially the morning is nothing for me...
However, it's relatively morning at the moment (10am) and I should prepare myself for a shooting today, but at the moment I just enjoy sitting at the computer, checking my mails and stuff like that....besides, I feel the need to write an entry here =)

I decided to sign in for a make-up artist training for next year, so it's up to me now to work enough to earn and safe enough money till next year....I've time for that....about 8months if everything works. I can do that education only either in July, August or September, because there is too much work and university in every other month of the year...so I hope they'll have dates for courses in these three months.....(and I hope I have the money till then....I made myself already reading books instead of going shopping....;) )
I have no words for how happy that decision made me...I was always like....noo, it's too expensive, for what should I do it, there is no sense in it, I have to study blabla but I definitely HAVE to do that.....I think if I become 30 and haven't done that, I would kick myself so much....so..I have to do it! I can't believe it....next year I'll be a licensed make-up artist <3 <3 <3 I love that vision of my future =) .. I have alreay further plans for training I could do after that.....hihi *g*

Okay, so that you don't have to read so much without looking at pics...I have some for you....I finally did my version of the joker make-up....omg it was so much fun to be messy on purpose....^^




and look, I video-taped the process of doing that face for you =)



More pics of that make-up behind the cut =)

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Yesterday I got a notification email from university with the result of my last examination, which I though I didn't pass. I didn't even dare to look at that mail, I was so afraid about a bad mark....BUT luckily I did and I've reached nearly the highest possible amout of points, yay ^^
So you'll maybe ask yourself, if it wasn't a bit pathetic of me to be scared about not passing through it when it's now such a good mark.....well, I had to write an interpretation of some sentences Oedipus mother said to him and I wrote what came to my mind, what it could be, with my motivatuions for those asumptions....and interpretations are always a difficult thing, you can't really say if they are right or wrong, but normally a teacher decides, what is right or wrong, and I wasn't really sure about that teacher, I often didn't even understand what he was trying to say and everytime I raised my hand to say something, it was wrong and he tends to give his students the feeling of beeing ashamed about their stupidness all the time, so that no one dares to raise his hand again after some lessons. So he was picking someone up, asking strange questions and it seems like there was never ever a right answer to it. however....I'm glad he liked my written answers....maybe he just didn't like to listen to students, I dunno ;)

However...I'm soooo reliefed about passing through that exam =)

Yesterday I went clubbing, missed the last train, half on purpose, half not (...it was simply too much fun there ^^) and went home around 4.30 in the morning....and then I started to clean my apartment, I'm always surprised about myself, how much mess I can make before I leave home ^^ However..that took me a looooong time and I went to bed around...7 in the morning ? Probably....and at 9 the postman rang on my door....°_°
I went to bed again after that and it came to my mind again that I'm definitely in need of curtains who really SHUT THE FUCKING SUN OUT!
The attempt to hide under my blanket wasn't really a success because I couldn't stand the heat...poor me ;)

So I'm sitting in front of the pc now since hours and try to do something useful...and won't suceed, somehow ;)
I'm deadly tired at the moment....

Well....but to give that post something more, than only my complaints....pic from my make-up yesterday =)

I don't know if you have noticed, but it seems like there is a new trend: Doing your make-up in front of your webcam and then uploading it to youtube. Since I'm very interested in makeup, I came across one of this videos as well, I don't know if it was coincidentially or if I was looking for it on purpose, but however, I entered the world of some interesting and lots of crappy, terrible, annoying make-up videos. However, there are some nice ones and I experienced long time before, that I really like to watch people doing their makeup. So I had something new to feed my obsession. Besides, because I want to see the ideas and techniques of others, I feel somehow a duty to share also mine and not only absorb the ideas of other but share, inspire and get inspired. I noticed as well, that there are hardly any visual-kei make-up tuts (or I can't find them), I found just about...maybe two from the same user. Lots of ganguro make-up videos out there but nothing visual-keiish. So maybe I can do one..or two...or three.
However, as you may have already guessed, I made a make-up tutorial video myself, it's verrry simple and was made more to check my abilities with the Windows Movie Maker (...and I tend to say that I have NONE) than to show a difficult make-up. Nevertheless....go on watch it, it's not sooo good but nevertheless not terrible at all ;)

Ja, krank, schon seit Wochen, und langsam sollts in meinen Kopf gegangen sein, dass man nicht gesünder wird, wenn man trotzdem arbeiten geht....ich hab ja auch nichts wirklich besonderes, nur das übliche zu der Jahreszeit, Halsweh, Kopfweh, Husten, Schnupfen, Fieber...wie eh fast jeder, der eine mehr, der andere weniger (ich mehr....)

Aber wenn ich mir schon selbst heilsamen Hausarrest (Bettruhe wär echt zuviel verlangt) verordne, dann nutze ich die Zeit, die ich zuhause sitze, anstatt auf der Straße rumzurennen damit, tonnenweise Nähanleitungen für irgendein Zeug, das ich vermutlich dann eh nie mache, auszudrucken *lach*
(Nehmen wir mal an, ich würde das wirklich alles machen, was ich da ausgedruckt hab....dann gibts bald jede Version eines Mieders das mal in irgeneiner Zeit genäht wurde, eine Jahresaustattung für eine Gothic Lolita undmindestens 20 Petticoats...^^)

Nun gut, aber ich hab mich nicht nur mehr oder weniger passiv mit dem Nähe beschäftigt (in Form von halbherzig überflogener Anleitungen) sondern ich habe auch angefangen, Teile für einen blauen Petticoat zurecht zu schneiden, wollte mir heute einen Kräuselfuß und einen Rollsaumfuß kaufen, habe aber dann doch nur zweiteres bekommen und puff war sie weg die Motivations. Na gut, nicht ganz, aber bis der bestellte Fuß da ist, ist sie vermutlich doch weg und von Hand rüschen will ich _nie wieder_.
Jetzt bin ich also dabei, mir theorethisch beizubringen, wie man einen Petticoat näht, aber eine perfekte Anleitung dafür kann ich wohl erst geben, nachdem ich mal alle Arten, von denen ich bis jetzt gelesen habe, durchprobiert habe (und dann will ich vermutlich weder Petticoat noch Tüll je wieder sehen XD)

Aber ich werde meine Arbeitsschritte fotografisch und schriftlich dokumentieren, sodass ich einige Fehler meinen Nachnäher/innen vielleicht ersparen kann...:)

Here are some pics, everybody who looks at my gallery on gothicmodels.net on a regular base knows them already and for the others, here are they :)

All pics made by Werner Fritz.





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Mark with an X the things that are true
Appearance
[ ] I am shorter than 5’4.
[x...sometimes....XD] I think I’m ugly sometimes.
[some] I have many scars.
[ ] I tan easily.
[ ] I wish my hair was a different color.
[x] I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
[ ] I have a tattoo.
[rarely] I am self-conscious about my appearance.
[what?] I have/I’ve had braces.
[x] I wear glasses.
[ ] I would get plastic surgery if it were 100 safe, free of cost, and scar-free.
[x] I’ve been told I’m attractive by a complete stranger.
[ ] I have more than 2 piercings.
[ ] I have piercings in places besides my ears.
[some] I have freckles.
Family/Home Life
[ ] I’ve sworn at my parents.
[ ] I’ve run away from home.
[ ] I’ve been kicked out of the house.
[x] My biological parents are together.
[ ] I have a sibling less than one year old.
[ ] I maybe want to have kids someday.
[ ] I’ve had children.
[ ] I’ve lost a child.
School/Work
[ ] I’m in school.
[ ] I have a job.
[ ] I’ve fallen asleep at work/school.
[x] I almost always do my homework.
[x] I’ve missed a week or more of school.
[ ] I’ve been on the Honor Roll within the last 2 years.
[ ] I failed more than 1 class last year.
[ ] stolen something from my job
[ ] I’ve been fired.
Embarrassment
[x] I’ve slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation
[x] Disney movies still make me cry.
[ ] I’ve peed from laughing.
[ ] I’ve snorted while laughing.
[x] I’ve laughed so hard I’ve cried.
[ ] I’ve glued my hand to something
[ ] I’ve laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
[ ]I’ve had my pants rip in public
Health
[ ] I was born with a disease/impairment.
[ ] I’ve gotten stitches.
[ ] I’ve broken a bone.
[ ] I’ve had my tonsils removed.
[x] I’ve sat in a doctors office with a friend.
[ ] I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed.
[ ] I had a serious surgery.
[x] I’ve had chicken pox.
Traveling
[ ] I’ve driven over 200 miles in one day.
[ ] I’ve been on a plane.
[ ] I’ve been to Canada.
[ ] I’ve been to Mexico.
[ ] I’ve been to Niagara Falls.
[ ] I’ve been to Japan.
[ ] I’ve Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[x] I’ve been to Europe.
[ ] I’ve been to Africa.
Experiences
[x] I’ve gotten lost in my city.
[x] I’ve seen a shooting star.
[x] I’ve wished on a shooting star.
[x] I’ve seen a meteor shower.
[ ] I’ve gone out in public in my pajamas.
[ ] I’ve pushed all the buttons on an elevator
[ ] I’ve kicked a guy where it hurts.
[ ] I’ve been to a casino.
[ ] I’ve been skydiving.
[ ] I’ve gone skinny dipping.
[x] I’ve played spin the bottle
[ ] I’ve drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[ ] I’ve crashed a car.
[x] I’ve been in a play.
[x] I’ve met someone in person from the internet.
[x] I’ve caught a snowflake on my tongue.
[ ] I’ve seen the Northern Lights.
[ ] I’ve sat on a roof top at night.
[ ] I’ve played chicken.
[ ] I’ve played a prank on someone.
[x] I’ve ridden in a taxi.
[x] I’ve seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[x] I’ve eaten Sushi.
[ ] I’ve been snowboarding.
[ ] I was pressured into sex
[x] I know how burning flesh smells
Relationships
[x] I’m single
[ ] I’m in a relationship.
[ ] I’m engaged.
[ ] I’m married.
[x] I’ve gone on a blind date.
[x] I’ve been the dumpee more than the dumper.
[x] I miss someone right now.
[x] I have a fear of abandonment.
[ ] I’ve cheated in a relationship.
[x] I’ve gotten divorced
[x] I’ve had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back.
[ ] I’ve told someone I loved them when I didn’t.
[ ] I’ve told someone I didn’t love them when I did.
[x] I’ve kept something from a past relationship.
Sexuality
[x] I’ve had a crush on someone of the same sex
[ ] I’ve had a crush on a teacher.
[x] I am a cuddler.
[ ] I’ve been kissed in the rain.
[ ] I’ve hugged a stranger.
[ ] I have kissed a stranger.
Honesty/Crime
[ ] I’ve done something I promised someone else I wouldn’t
[ ] I’ve done something I promised myself I wouldn’t.
[ ] I’ve snuck out of my house.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[x] I am keeping a secret from the world
[x] I’ve cheated while playing a game.
[x] I’ve cheated on a test.
[ ] I’ve been suspended from school.
[x] I’ve witnessed a crime.
[ ] I’ve been in a fist fight.
[ ] I’ve been arrested.
[ ] I’ve shoplifted.
Drugs/Alcohol
[ ] I’ve consumed alcohol.
[ ] I regularly drink.
[ ] I’ve passed out from drinking.
[ ] I have passed out drunk at least once in the past 6 months.
[ ] I’ve smoked weed
[ ] I’ve taken painkillers when I didn’t need them.
[ ] I’ve inhaled Nitrous.
[ ] I’ve done 'hard' drugs.
[ ] I have cough s when I’m not sick.
[ ] I can’t swallow pills.
[ ] I can swallow about 3 pills at a time no problem
[ ] I have been diagnosed with clinical depression.
[ ] I shut others out when I’m depressed.
[ ] I take anti-depressants.
[ ] I’m anorexic or bulimic.
[x] I’ve slept an entire day when I didn’t need it.
[x] I’ve hurt myself on purpose.
[ ] I’m addicted to self harm.
[x] I’ve woken up crying.
Death and Suicide
[ ] I’m afraid of dying.
[ ] I’ve seen someone dying.
[ ] Someone close to me has attempted suicide.
[ ] Someone close to me has committed suicide.
[x] I’ve planned my own suicide.
[ ] I’ve attempted suicide.
[ ] I’ve written a eulogy for myself.
Materialism
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[x] I own a working iPod or MP3 player.
[ ] I have an unhealthy obsession with anime/manga.
[ ] I own one/multiple designer purses, costing over 0 a piece.
[ ] I own something from Hot Topic.
[ ] I own something from Putumayo or h.Naoto or another Japanese brand.
[ ] I own something from Pac Sun.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[ ] I own something from The Gap.
[x] I own something I got on e-bay.
[ ] I own something from Abercrombie.
Random
[ ] I can sing well.
[ ] I’ve stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
[ ] I open up to others easily.
[x] I watch the news.
[x] I don’t kill bugs.
[ ] I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for the sake of being able to rhyme.
[ ] I curse regularly.
[ ] I sing in the shower.
[ ] I am a morning person.
[ ] I paid for my cell phone ring tone.
[ ] I’m a snob about grammar.
[ ] I am a sports fanatic.
[ ] I twirl my hair
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name
[ ] I love being neat
[ ] I love Spam
[ ] I’ve copied more than 30 CD’s in a day
[x] I bake well.
[x] My favorite color is either white, black, yellow, pink, red or blue
[ ] I would wear pajamas to school.
[ ] I like Martha Stewart.
[ ] I know how to shoot a gun.
[ ] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I laugh at my own jokes.
[ ] I eat fast food weekly.
[ ] I believe in ghosts.
[ ] I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
[ ] I’ve not turned anything in and still got an A in a certain class.
[ ] I can’t sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[x] I am ticklish.
[ ] I love white chocolate
[ ] I bite my nails.
[ ] I play video games.
[x] I’m good at remembering faces.
[x] I’m good at remembering names
[x] I’m good at remembering (birthday)dates.
[ ] I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.

I try to visualize how I have to sew something that looks exactly like my idea of the finished dress.....(I'm able to imagine how I'd like the dress to look like ^^).

I definitely want flounces on the dress but I haven't done something like that before. I have only a slight idea of how I could sew a flounce....buuuut I'll do some research on the internet (...and on my brain....be innovative!) and ask my sewing magazines...;)

However, tomorrow I will iron the top of the dress and start sewing the bottom....my work for today was to sew back a teddy head to the teddies body.....the teddy is a dog toy and the dog bite of the head of the stuffed animal.
Now teddy is alive again...:)

It's absolutely impossible to be 100 percent happy and if you are it's just an illusion which will fade away as soon as possible. The worst thing you can do with feelings is to think about them, because thinking about feelings will destroy every piece of happiness in your mind and will make bad feelings worse. At the moment I could cry and don't really know why, yesterday I was going out and it was great, I was happy, today was also okay but I'm crying nevertheless.

I found myself asking the question why nobody seems to care if I'm sad or not but how should someone if I'm not telling the truth or acting like I'm feeling ? I can't blame nobody for not seeing what is not there. Besides it changes every minute how I feel, not really from sad to happy but often from happy to sad. One minute I'm so happy, the next minute I'm depressed as hell.

Tomorrow I'm going to sign up for university and I don't really know if this is something what scares me. I don't want to go there and look for someone to give me my student ID, I don't know why. I'm looking forward to my time on university and I looked forward to the day when I get my student ID as a "proof" that I could study....but at the moment I'm feeling more like never leaving my home again, better never leaving my bed again, lock out the rest of the world, drowing myself in self-pity and dreaming about someone who will come and comfort me....