Fat Activists Re-learning Body Love after WLS

I'm feeling more 'normal' in my little corner of society, at the moment.
I can blend into a crowd.  I've had the fun experience of someone walking by me and not recognizing me due to changing physical size.
I hope I'm not the fattest person in the room anylonger.
Still, I FEEL like I'm 400+ lbs, but I'm told I don't LOOK like I am these days.
Funny how I can't shake that cloak of body armour.  After all, it was with me for so long.  Like everything else in life- it's a process. 

 

Current mood:

productive

planning the next few

 Here's the plan:
Stay busy, stay away from the fridge, stay away from the table.
I'm still really, really gnawingly, scratchy in the stoma hungry,
but know in my adult brain that I have to get a grip on eating
else all the hard work of the last year will be a thing of the past.

Went to the inlaws for dinner last night and wasn't able to eat enough
but took my plate to the sink before I could get anything more.  Turned down cake (store bought, I wasn't missing much) and did less snacking
yesterday.  Although that pile of local tomatoes kept calling to me.  I guess I'm not going to do much damage with tomatoes, I eat them like grapes, nothing on them anyway, but they are still things in my stoma and I can't believe it's demanding to be filled constantly.  
I ate only protein, part of chicken breast, and a protein bar for more bulk if I needed it.  Today I will buy 1 whole grain bagel and see if I can make it last all day.  Bread is a huge trigger, especially bagels, and if there's any surplus in the house, well, at this point, I don't trust I wouldn't touch them.  
Aside from this plan, I have an appointment to see my surgeon next friday and will let him know my complaints regarding food intake.  He's very good at checking things to the nth degree, will probably put me through some tests to see what's what.  
And next monday, I'll make my favorite NA meeting and see what the group has to contribute to my dilema.
Good to have a plan.  Moving forward = progress on the road ahead.
And now, on to breakfast.....

 i'm getting to the point where my friends who were smaller than me for many, many years, are now larger than me.  some are treating me like i 
have gone to the other side of the tracks, and really insulting in their comments.  
i try to use tact and sensitivity in answering their offhanded remarks.  i encourage their healthy eating programs.  i try not to boast, or make too much of my weight loss.  i don't feel like it's been a terrific feat anyway, i'm not far enough along to crow loudly.  
but it would be less uncomfortable for me if i did have some consideration from the ones i love.  they have nothing nice to say.  i guess they don't say anything, because if they did, it would sound like sour grapes.  
i'm starting to feel this way:  first more friends, then less...
i find myself not wanting their company at the moment, or wishing that we could have a 'do over'. 

 we have a king sized bed that seems too big at this point.  
i spent years trying to keep my kid from crawling into it sometime during
the night.  i used to wake up with a foot in my face, or with me, pushed over at the 
extreme end of the mattress.  at night, before we drifted off to sleep, i used to say to the hubby, do you have enough room?  should i move over?  
now, i say, move closer, i'm cold, i need your body heat.  and i say, doesn't this bed seem like it's grown a foot in the middle...?
this past weekend, my 150 lb, 5'4", 12 year old must have had a nightmare and crawled into the bed while we slept.  I woke up to find him laying in the middle.  we where three abreast, with a comfortable margin of mattress on my side.  
first less, then more.
ynid
surgery 7/30/07
430/260

Hey all!

Just wanted to share the fact sheet on Women and Size that I prepared earlier this year for SWS.

I think it might be a good jumping off point for discussion.

For instance, I know I struggled -- as I was helping write it -- with including the information about WLS. I somehow felt like a traitor by saying how dangerous WLS is and sort of lumping WLS in with extreme and dangerous measures of "body work" (since I've had WLS).

Anyway, I'd love to hear your thoughts or feedback on the fact sheet.

-Jenn