Lesasaur at Large

I haven't done this for so long, I'm not sure I remember how to do it properly. Please forgive any mistakes.

Title: A Christmas Miracle

Words: approx 8 200

Pairing: Jack/Daniel

Genre: pre slash (as in they don’t actually get to the sex part), Jack centric

Season: 7

Notes: I haven’t written anything for a long time for a host of reasons, but I had this idea and a little time so decided to get it down and post it while the subject matter was still topical. Not beta’d since the silly season finds everyone too busy.

A Christmas Miracle


Jack trudged wearily across the sands of P3C 987. The mission had proved to be yet another dead end, and now, as they were once again returning home empty handed, it was all he could do to keep putting one foot in front of the other in the wake of his teammates. He knew Carter and Teal’c were concerned about him, evidenced by their frequent over the shoulder glances, but he was too fatigued both mentally and physically to raise even a hint of what had, of late, become his usual acerbic exterior.

Since Daniel had gone missing three months previously from the planet that had been earmarked as the new Tok’ra homeworld until things had gone awry, Jack had been steadfast in his belief that they would find Daniel. Daniel was the proverbial cat with nine lives; he kept coming back! Jack had been convinced that Daniel would simply turn up one day under his own steam with some incredible story to tell. Alternatively, an SG team would come across him on some backwater planet, happy as a pig in mud, doing whatever it is that Daniel enjoys doing while waiting patiently and/or not at all in a hurry to be rescued.

Jack had been convinced. He had! And he had refused to give credence to any other possibilities or allow his teammates to voice anything even remotely pessimistic, cutting them off immediately with a harshness fuelled by guilt; guilt because niggling at the back of Jack’s mind had always been the very real possibility that Daniel didn’t want to be found; Daniel had vanished by choice...and it was all Jack’s fault.

He had tried to ignore it. He had continually told himself that Daniel was his friend...that though the two of them might disagree on just about every topic known to man and alien, the foundation of their friendship was rock solid. Daniel would never just decide to leave the program and indeed Earth, because Jack had made a serious error in judgment.

Logically speaking, given the circumstances, the odds WERE that Daniel had been captured by enemy forces and taken away for interrogation. Jack knew that, and he’d steadfastly refused to contemplate the usual ending to such events – that after Daniel had been tortured for information, he would have most probably been killed - because Daniel was a survivor. All Jack had to do was live up to his creed of never leaving a man behind and keep searching until Daniel was found. The logical part of Jack was doing fine. But there was the other part...

For the past month, the niggle of guilt he harbored had gradually intensified until it was now a blood-curdling scream, making it impossible to ignore, and although Jack still stoically maintained the facade of optimism on the exterior, inside he was a tightly coiled knot of guilt, fear and self loathing, particularly since he had to watch his teammates and friends endeavoring to cope with their own fears that they would never see Daniel again.

Looking up, Jack broke off his thoughts, realizing that not only had he reached the stargate, but it was already active, and his teammates were waiting patiently whilst watching him with undisguised concern. Knowing he was being a complete and utter asshole for not acknowledging them, but beyond caring, he simply continued past them straight into the wormhole...

...to where General Hammond was waiting at the foot of the ramp, his face passive but with eyes full of hope. Jack couldn’t bear to witness the disappointment so he averted his gaze as he silently shook his head, continuing down the ramp and out the door without a word.

As always, he went directly to the infirmary, going through the motions of the usual routine like an automaton, giving monosyllabic answers to all Fraiser’s questions in the endeavor to get it over with in record time. He saw Carter and Teal’c enter but kept his gaze on the floor to discourage interaction of any kind, and as soon as he was done, he made a beeline for the locker room, intent on getting away from prying eyes as soon as possible.

He threw on his civvies, a task that proved much more difficult than usual; his normally sure fingers fumbling with buttons that refused to go where he wanted them to, causing him to vent his annoyance with a series of rarely used profanities. He then grabbed his keys and headed for the locker room door only to find his way barred by an immovable force with crossed arms and implacable features.

“Out of the way, Teal’c,” he said wearily then mustered as much steel as possible to add, “that’s an order.”

Teal’c regarded Jack steadily. “Not until you have heard what I have to say, O’Neill.”

Jack opened his mouth to object but then thought better of it. He just didn’t have the energy. “Fine,” he said flatly, fixing his gaze on Teal’c’s chest. “Get on with it then.”

There was a brief silence during which Jack knew he was being scrutinized, and then Teal’c spoke in a carefully modulated tone. “Major Carter and I are greatly concerned for your well-being, O’Neill. We have not observed you eating for days, and it is our belief that you are not sleeping either.”

It was only what Jack had been expecting and yet he still felt his temper beginning to rise. “I’m fine, Teal’c!” he snapped without looking up.

“No, you are not, O’Neill. And you cannot carry on in this manner for much longer.”

“Teal’c,” Jack said in a warning tone, raising his head to glare at his Jaffa.

“Major Carter and I wish only for you to accompany us to the commissary for a meal, O’Neill.”

“I’m not hungry!” Jack snapped again.

“Nevertheless you need to eat.” Teal’c’s tone softened slightly. “What good will you be to Daniel Jackson in your present condition should a rescue be necessary?”

Jack fought to keep his temper in check. “Read my lips, Teal’c. I...am...fine! Now get out of the way!” He tried to push his way past but Teal’c didn’t give an inch, and Jack lacked the strength to make it much of a contest. Teal’c!” he yelled impotently then clenched his teeth. “Let me pass!”

Teal’c remained calm, which infuriated Jack further. “You give me no choice, O’Neill.”

“And what the hell is THAT supposed to mean?”

“It means, Colonel,” a new voice stated succinctly, and Teal’c moved aside to reveal the form of General Hammond, “that you are hereby relieved of command until further notice. You are to go directly home to eat and sleep and will not be permitted back inside this establishment for the next forty-eight hours. In addition, you will not be allowed through the stargate again until such time as Doctor Fraiser deems you physically fit. Is that clear?”

“General, you can’t do that!” Jack yelled angrily. “I’m fine!”

“Not according to our chief medical officer,” Hammond refuted. “You’re suffering from malnutrition and exhaustion just for starters.”

“Fine!” Jack shouted. “I’ll go EAT something.”

“I’m afraid it’s too late for that, Colonel,” Hammond stated calmly. “That was your team’s solution. I’ve since over ruled them.”

“But General, Daniel’s still out there,” Jack pleaded.

“And the search will continue,” Hammond assured. “If necessary, you can rejoin it on your return. Now go home, Jack, you’re dismissed. There’s a car waiting for you up top.”

“But General-”

“I said DISMISSED, COLONEL!”

As Jack glared into steely, blue eyes, he was dismayed to discover he couldn’t hold onto his anger; it required too much energy. A wave of helplessness washed over him, and he suddenly felt like an old balloon; completely deflated. “Yes, sir,” he said quietly. He sighed heavily, then without sparing either of his companions a further glance, headed out of the locker room.

He’d only travelled a few meters when he realized someone had fallen into step beside him. A quick look to the side revealed Carter’s worried features.

“Sir-,” she began hesitantly, but he shook his head and cut her off.

“It’s okay, Carter. Keep looking, huh?”

She nodded but her expression didn’t change. “You know we will, sir. Take care.”

Jack nodded in acknowledgement and continued on alone to the elevator, further dismayed and highly disconcerted to find himself staring at the buttons without a clue as to which one he needed to press. It was a sobering moment, and he knew then that Hammond had done the right thing. He was no good to anyone in his present condition.

Eventually, his neurons fired sufficiently for him to make the correct choice, so he set the elevator in motion, and leaned his weight against the back wall to help keep himself upright on legs that were feeling suddenly weak. He knew he needed to start taking better care of himself. Eating...well he could force himself to do that but sleeping... That was another matter entirely. It wasn’t like he hadn’t tried. But lately, every time he did manage to nod off, his sleep was plagued by nightmares of...

“Sir? Are you getting out?”

Jack realized the elevator had reached the top, and he was being addressed by a young airman who was obviously waiting to get in and go down. He managed to get ‘with it’ enough to nod and offer the semblance of a smile to the young airman, and then he somehow made it through the checkpoints to the waiting car without any further incidents. Once in the back of the vehicle, he closed his eyes and tried not to think about anything.

“I’ll try to be quick as I can, sir,” he heard his driver say, “but you know what the pre-Christmas traffic is like.”

Startled, Jack opened his eyes and pulled the cover off his watch. The numbers swam in front of his eyes for a few moments but then they settled into place. 17:23, Dec 23 he read. Of course he’d known it was December but he hadn’t realized...

He felt the eyes of his driver on him via the rear vision mirror and managed to mumble his thanks before turning to stare blindly out the window. Usually, by this time of the year, Carter would had been hounding him to chip in for presents for various SG personnel, and other folk, mainly but not only Teal’c, would have been quizzing him about what he thought the rest of his teammates might like as a gifts. This year though... Either Christmas was just an afterthought for everyone or else they were all simply giving him a wide birth. He figured it was the latter, and as much as he was grateful, he was also annoyed, because having something else to think about, if only for brief moments at a time, MIGHT have helped him to avoid his present state of... ‘Brain funk’ was all he could manage to come up with. Yes, he knew he had been pretty single minded and downright unapproachable, but still...

He sighed and closed his eyes again. It was so hard to think clearly about anything but it was even harder to not think at all...

...and the next thing he knew, his shoulder was being shaken and he was staring into a pair of concerned, hazel eyes. He immediately pulled his head back and glanced around, realizing the car he was sitting in was parked in his driveway.

“Need some help, sir?” his driver asked politely.

Jack shook his head, and the young airman retreated and stood at attention so Jack could climb out. As he did so, with much less speed than normal, Jack was highly disconcerted and more than a little concerned to find his legs quivering like Jell-O. “Thank you,” he murmured politely as the driver closed the door. The airman saluted then walked back to the driver’s door where he stood watching, obviously following orders.

Mindful of his watch-dog, Jack made his way to the front door with as much dignity as his trembling limbs would allow, fumbling for his keys with shaking fingers. He felt a measure of pride that he somehow managed to get the key into the lock on the first attempt but as soon as he was inside, he collapsed to the floor with his back against the door, breathing heavily.

He didn’t move for several minutes, lacking the strength, but then he summoned his last remaining reserves of energy to crawl down the hallway to his bedroom and onto his bed, where he fell into the sleep of complete exhaustion.

****

“There’s only one bed right? So I should bring my sleeping bag?” Daniel queried with a smile.

“Well, you can if you want,” Jack replied and then with his heart in his mouth added, “but the bed’s big enough for two so...” He watched the smile disappear from Daniel’s face as Daniel’s jaw dropped. A few moments later, Daniel swallowed, and Jack’s eyes were drawn to Daniel’s Adam’s apple clearly revealed by Daniel’s open necked shirt. He found himself mesmerized by the way it bobbed up and down, and he had the strongest desire to lick it...

“You mean...”

The words jolted Jack from his fixation.

Daniel cleared his throat. “You mean share the bed with you as in...with you?”

Jack shrugged, trying to appear casual and looked up briefly into Daniel’s eyes. “If you want. If you don’t, that’s okay too.”

Daniel’s expression turned suddenly ugly. “Okay? You think that’s okay. NOTHING is okay. You’re a fucking queer, Jack. How the hell have you got away with that for all these years without anyone suspecting? I am SO out of here.” And so saying Daniel headed out the door, slamming it forcefully behind him.

“Daniel, wait!” Jack called to no avail.

The scene suddenly changed, and Jack found himself standing in a field, looking toward his teammates who were several meters away engaged in a whispered conversation. “Carter?” he called. “Teal’c? What’s going on?”

They turned toward him, and Jack realized their bodies had been hiding a third person. “Daniel!” he cried with delight. “Where have you been? We’ve been looking everywhere.”

“Hiding from YOU!” Daniel stated scornfully. “You raging queer.”

Jack’s jaw went slack, but he quickly tightened it. “I see. So does that mean you’re not coming home?” he asked quietly.

“Got it in one,” Daniel replied. “And neither are the others.”

Jack glanced at Carter and Teal’c to find them wearing matching contemptuous expressions. Strangely, that didn’t really bother him, but before he could comment, there was a high-pitched screaming sound followed by an explosion directly in front of him. Jack felt the force of the blast but other than being sent sprawling to the dirt was physically unaffected. The others however... “Daniel!” he yelled, quickly regaining his feet.

With his heart in his mouth, Jack raced forward. Carter and Teal’c were obviously dead, staring blankly out of lifeless eyes, but Daniel was lying on his back with blood all over his face, clutching his blood-soaked chest with a bloody hand, while further blotches of scarlet festooned his abdomen.

“God, Daniel,” he said plaintively as he fell to Daniel’s side.

“Get away from me!” Daniel snarled, using his free arm to drag himself along the ground in order to put some distance between them.

Jack stayed where he was although it took every ounce of willpower he possessed. “Let me help you,” he begged urgently.

“No!” Daniel asserted. “I’d rather die.” He fumbled around, and then with his trembling free arm, raised his sidearm, pointing it at Jack.

“Daniel, please,” Jack pleaded. “You need help or-”

“Not from you.”

“You WILL die. Daniel!” Jack attempted to move forward, and Daniel immediately cocked the gun.

“I said no!”

Jack immediately held up his hands in a placating gesture. “Okay. You’re in charge here.” He paused, searching his mind for a way to get through to his friend. “Look, I’m sorry, okay,” he said with complete sincerity. “I never should have said what I did to you.”

Daniel emitted a humorless laugh as he said, “No. No, I’m glad you did, or I never would have...” He stopped with a groan and a grimace, clutching harder at his chest and then continued with somewhat less volume but in a tone laced with scorn. “I really should have known shouldn’t I. You were always putting your hands on me for some reason or other. How dumb was I!” He coughed; the death rattle, a truly frightening sound to Jack’s ears.

“Look, you have my word that I will never touch you again...for any reason,” he said earnestly, “just please, let me treat you, okay. Please!”

Daniel shook his head.

“You’re going to DIE!”

Daniel grimaced with pain again. “Yes, but at least I’ll have the satisfaction of knowing I was never tainted by your perversion. So long, Jack. May you rot in hell!” And then before Jack could intervene, Daniel turned the gun on himself and pulled the trigger.

“NO!” Jack shouted and sat up in his bed with a fiercely pounding heart, exactly as he had many a night since Daniel’s disappearance. “No,” he said again, shaking his head to clear it and covering his face with his hands. “God, what have I done?”

He let out a few calming breaths, then as what passed for normality of late returned, he shook his head slowly. “You’re not dead, Daniel,” he said quietly into the silence. “I know you’re not. You can’t be.” He then sighed and looked at his watch, surprised to discover it was 4:15, Dec 24. It seemed as if his exhausted body had finally overruled his brain for a time, but then the nightmares had sunk in their claws again, returning with a vengeance.

They were always along similar lines. Daniel shunned him and always ended up dead, either by Daniel’s own or enemy hands, all because of what Jack had said. Making that offer to Daniel was the dumbest thing he had ever done, as opposed to the stupidest, which had cost him the life of his son. He allowed himself a few moments of remembered joy and pain and then locked the memories back inside the box labeled ‘Charlie’ and reopened the one labeled ‘Daniel’.

When Jack had originally walked into Daniel’s office to issue the invitation for Daniel to accompany him to Minnesota for their down time, he’d expected it to be refused as usual. Carter had been intending to actually take a break and visit her brother, and Teal’c’s intentions had been to head off-world to visit Ry'ac, so with Daniel being the only one who didn’t have plans, Jack had figured why not at least extend the invitation.

To his surprise, Daniel had accepted with alacrity and seemed really pleased to have been asked, so when Daniel had queried him about the sleeping bag...

But unlike in his dreams, Daniel had never actually given him an answer.

Looking totally pole-axed, Daniel had opened his mouth, closed it again and then said, “Jack-” just as the klaxons had sounded announcing an unscheduled off-world activation.

They had both raced to the control room, where they had received the message from Major Wilson of SG-9 - who was assisting the Tok’ra to perform reconnaissance on their proposed new homeworld - that they were under attack from the forces of Anubis, and then along with the rest of SG-1, they had immediately geared up for action. Jack had felt Daniel’s gaze on him several times during the preparations, but when he had tried to catch his friend’s eyes, Daniel had always been looking elsewhere.

As soon as they were ready, along with SGs-3 and 5 under Jack’s command, they had gated to the site. The fighting had been fierce, and Jack had thrown all his energies into doing his job to the best of his ability.

And the mission had been a success.

All the Tok’ra and the members of SG-9 had been successfully evacuated without loss of life or serious injury, and all personnel had been accounted for...except Daniel. Of him, there had been no trace, even after a seriously concerned Jack along with the rest of SG-1 and assorted other personnel had returned to the planet to look for him. Jack had castigated himself severely, and the fact that he needed no further proof that he could effectively separate his personal and profession lives since he had not once checked up on Daniel during the entire operation - something about which he’d been wondering since his feelings for Daniel had grown stronger - only increased his feelings of guilt.

With no body located, the consensus had been that Daniel had been taken prisoner and an immediate search and rescue operation had been ordered. Eventually of course, the search had been scaled down until only SG-1 was still actively looking, and only because Daniel was such a vital member of the Stargate program and a firm favorite of both Hammond and the current President.

If they didn’t find him soon though...

Jack sighed heavily then decided it would be wise to answer the call of nature that was now a bellow, pleased to discover that although his legs still felt a trifle wobbly, they were able to carry his weight much more efficiently. After that, he wandered into the kitchen, threw a frozen dinner into the microwave and made himself a cup of instant coffee, both of which he took into the sitting room where he switched on the television and relaxed into his favorite chair. Flicking through the channels, he came across the old workhorse ‘Miracle on 34th Street’ that was always given an airing during the holiday season and decided it was as good a diversion as anything.

The meal wasn’t particularly appetizing, but after forcing down a few mouthfuls, he realized he was hungry and managed to eat it all without difficulty. The coffee he sipped slowly, knowing it would probably prevent him from sleeping further but indulging himself anyway...

****

“Daniel, NO!”

Jack sat up straight in his chair, his heart thumping and his breathing labored as the horrors of his nightmare, in full gory detail, continued to hold his brain hostage. He groaned as he closed his eyes and shook his head, trying to get a grip on reality, eventually looking to the TV to provide the necessary distraction. A detailed study of the flickering images revealed ‘A Smoky Mountain Christmas’ in full swing while a glance at the clock on the mantelpiece found the time to be 6:37. Greatly surprised, he looked to his right and located his coffee mug on the floor, complete with a large coffee stain on the rug. He groaned again, this time in annoyance then dragged himself out of the chair, headed for the kitchen and a cleaning cloth, supremely relieved to discover his legs to be as good as new, or at least as good as his ever were, gimpy knees notwithstanding.

He located a cloth just as the phone began to ring and immediately tossed it into the sink as he hastened to answer the summons, desperately hoping for good news. “O’Neill.”

“Sir, they’ve found him,” Carter said without preamble. “A Tok’ra operative just sent word, and we’re gearing up to go get him now.”

“I’m on my way.” Jack hung up without waiting for a reply and headed for his bedroom. He knew there was no way in hell he’d be allowed on the rescue mission, but having faith in the rest of his team and the SGC personnel as a whole, he took the time to shower and change.

When he was ready, he started to look for his keys, and then remembered he didn’t have his truck. About to pick up the phone to ask Hammond to send a car, he was forestalled by a knock at the door.

Frowning, he went to answer it and discovered his caller to be the same young airman who had dropped him off the previous evening. A glance outside revealed the car to be in much the same spot as it had been then too.

“You been here all night?” he asked with a frown.

“No, sir,” the airman replied. “I was relieved at 22:00. I’ve only just returned to duty.”

“Good old, George,” Jack said softly.

“Sir?”

“I’ll just grab my keys.”

The drive to the mountain was achieved in silence, and then Jack was in the conference room with Hammond, looking down at the stargate while being briefed.

“Apparently Doctor Jackson was taken captive by Anubis’ forces and taken to one of his bases of operations,” Hammond explained. “However, with the help of some rebel Jaffa and a Tok’ra operative, he managed to escape. The group had been hiding out on the planet, trying to stay ahead of the search parties. Yesterday, they were rescued by some other rebel Jaffa in a cargo ship, and the Tok’ra operative was able to get word to someone else who got a message to us. We were given a set of co-ordinates to the closet planet to them with a stargate for rendezvous.” He paused. “The message also said Doctor Jackson was injured,” he finished quietly.

Jack’s heart stuttered. “How badly?” he immediately demanded

“I don’t know, son,” Hammond said gently, “but the medical staff are on standby in the gateroom. We should know soon enough.”

Jack nodded. “Yes, sir. Did they happen to say how Daniel was injured?”

Hammond shook his head. “It was only a short message, Colonel.”

Jack nodded and stared down at the stationary gate, trying to will it into motion. He could feel Hammond’s silent appraisal before the man spoke again.

“You’re looking a lot better.”

Jack turned his head and nodded. “Yes, sir. I’m sorry about...” He grimaced.

Hammond nodded. “I understand, Jack. We’re all very fond of Doctor Jackson. Next time though...” he stated sternly, although the kindness in his eyes took most of the threat from the words.

“Let’s hope there never IS a next time, sir,” Jack said.

“I’ll drink to that.” Hammond replied with feeling.

Just then, the stargate began to spin and Jack bolted unceremoniously for the door.

Carter was first through the wormhole followed by Teal’c and another Jaffa carrying a stretcher. Jack didn’t see past that as he raced to Daniel’s side. “How is he?” he barked at Carter, taking in the pale, unconscious form as he walked beside the stretcher.

“He’s in a bad way, sir.”

“He saved my life,” the Jaffa carrying the other end of the stretcher explained.

“If you’d stand to the side, and let us do our jobs, Colonel,” Janet demanded as she tried to push Jack out of the way.

Jack reluctantly obeyed and after Janet’s quick appraisal, Daniel was rushed to the infirmary for emergency surgery.

Jack went to follow but was stopped by a touch on his arm and a quiet, “Colonel O’Neill?”

He looked round impatiently to encounter the earnest eyes of Lieutenant Franks, the newest member of SG-3 who had acquitted herself with valor during the rescue of the Tok’ra. “Whatever it is will have to wait,” he snapped, and totally uncaring how his words had been received, hurried after the others.

***

Several hours later, Janet came out of the operating room to where Jack, in the company of Carter and Teal’c, was impatiently waiting. “We’ve done all we can,” she said quietly, “the rest is up to him.”

“What are his chances?” Carter asked before Jack could find the words.

Janet sighed. “On anyone else, I’d say slim at best, but knowing Doctor Jackson’s record, I’d rate them a little higher. To be honest, it’s a miracle he actually made it back alive, but that’s Doctor Jackson for you!” A smile ghosted her features and then quickly vanished. “We won’t know anything for some time though, so I suggest you all get some rest. I’ll call you as soon as we have any news.”

“I’m staying,” Jack declared firmly, totally uncaring of rules, regulations or anyone else’s opinion.

Janet smiled tiredly. “I figured you’d say that, Colonel. And that’s your prerogative. You other two though...” She looked sternly at Carter and Teal’c. “There really is nothing you can do,” she added in a gentler tone.

Carter nodded. “Thanks, Janet. I’ll be back later, sir,” she added quietly in Jack’s direction.

“As will I,” Teal’c declared, and they both melted away.

“I’ll let you know when we’ve got him settled, sir,” Janet said gently, then with a light touch to Jack’s arm, she too disappeared, leaving a solitary Jack silently willing the fates to once again grant Daniel his feline-ish tendency for survival.

****

“Colonel O’Neill?”

Jack looked up from beside Daniel’s bed, a position he’d only been occupying for a short time, to encounter the concerned gaze of Lieutenant Franks, who was holding back one side of the curtain that surrounded the bed.

“I know this isn’t a good time, sir, but if I could have a word?”

Jack nodded tiredly and beckoned her inside. “Of course, Lieutenant. I’m sorry I cut you off earlier. Have you been waiting around all this time to see me?”

She nodded. “Yes, sir. I thought it was important that you get the message.”

“What message?” Jack asked with a frown.

“From Doctor Jackson, sir.”

Jack sat up straighter in the chair. “Daniel spoke to you?”

She nodded. “Yes, sir...after we'd strapped him onto the stretcher. I was checking his pulse, and he suddenly grabbed my hand, which kind of startled me because he hadn’t been conscious at all before that.”

“What did he say?” Jack demanded, leaning forward in the chair expectantly.

“Well, sir, it was only a whisper, I had to get really close, but he said very clearly, ‘Tell Jack I said no.’ When I moved back to look at him, he was unconscious again.” She paused. “That’s all he said, sir, but he seemed very anxious that you should get the message so...”

A sense of inevitability flowed over Jack but he found himself smiling slightly as he relaxed back into the chair again. To not leave him wondering was such a Daniel thing to do.

“I take it that you understand the message, sir?” she queried.

Jack nodded. “I do, Lieutenant. Thank you for making sure I got it. It was good of you to wait around.”

“I hope he’ll be all right, sir,” she said sincerely. “We all do. We’re all hoping for a Christmas miracle.”

Jack felt immeasurably touched on Daniel’s behalf and managed to summon a genuine smile. “Thank you, Lieutenant. Merry Christmas,” he added as an afterthought.

“Same to you, sir.” She threw him a little smile and then disappeared through the curtains.

Jack shook his head slightly and looked down at the bed. “Well, Daniel, at least you let me down gently,” he said quietly, and then he sighed. In truth, he hadn’t really expected any other outcome. Daniel liked women, end of story. But now that that particular question had been answered, the next one was could their friendship be salvaged? It had already survived one hell of a lot, triumphing over even death itself. But this was a far different ballgame. This was intensely personal and much more...

He sighed again, wondering if he was really ready to handle the lack of action retirement would bring. If Daniel couldn’t deal with the situation, it was the obvious solution. The program needed Daniel far more than it needed him. Soldiers, even good ones – in which company, without false modesty, Jack placed himself - were a dime a dozen, but people with Daniel’s skills... Admittedly, there were days when Jack thought retirement was a highly desirable thing, but for the most part... He was certain there were still a few good years left in him, and he wanted to be out there making a difference for as long as was feasible. For Daniel’s sake though, if necessary, he would leave it all behind him. As he had realized quite a while ago now, for Daniel’s sake, he would do just about anything.

****

Alarms sounding on the equipment beside the bed startled Jack back to wakefulness. As personnel immediately came running, and a male voice yelled, “He’s crashing, get the cart,” Jack straightened in the chair with fear stabbing his heart.

As he watched the unfolding drama in horror, he felt himself taken firmly by an arm. “You need to move, sir,” a feminine voice said, but he stayed rooted to the spot. “Sir, NOW!” The nurse pulled hard and Jack was half walked/part dragged out of the curtained-off area, where he waited with his heart in his mouth.

Several very long minutes later, Doctor Warner emerged, and Jack felt his breathing hitch at the man’s grim demeanor, a tiny part of him wondering idly when the shift had changed.

“We have him back, Colonel,” the doctor stated evenly, and Jack started to breathe again, “but if that happens again...” His expression was not encouraging.

Jack nodded.

“Just give the nurses a few moments to clear away the equipment, and then you can go back in if you want.”

Jack nodded again before the doctor moved away, and then he looked at his watch. 18:09 Dec 24 he read. No wonder the shift had changed. He wondered whether Carter or Teal’c had been back then decided that they probably had but had taken care not to wake him. He had never slept so much before in his life, but he WAS starting to feel like his usual self again, and right on cue, his stomach rumbled.

He knew he needed to do something about that, so when the last nurse left Daniel’s bedside, he was about to ask her to have something sent up, but she pre-empted him.

“Shall I have a tray sent up, sir,” she enquired politely.

He nodded. “That’d be great, thanks.”

“Anything in particular, sir?”

He shook his head. “Just whatever’s going.”

She nodded. “Yes, sir. It won’t be long.”

Jack nodded again, and after she’d departed, he slipped back inside the curtained area, where he stood next to the bed staring down at Daniel’s pale, still form. There were wires attached to him monitoring brain and heart activity, his breathing was being assisted and there was a drip in one arm. Jack had seen Daniel in a similar condition previously, but that was before... Seeing Daniel in such a state now... It hurt...badly, and he suddenly realized he wasn’t prepared for the worst. During all the hours he’d been waiting outside the operating theatre or sitting beside the bed, all the time he’d been making plans to deal with the fallout from what he’d done, he’d never once considered the fact that Daniel might not make it; that he might be forced to live on in a world without Daniel in it. And he was suddenly very, very scared.

He put his hand over one of Daniel’s and leaned down until he was close to Daniel’s ear. “Come on, Daniel,” he urged quietly. “You can’t give up now. The galaxy needs you. ‘I’ need you, even though you don’t need me, and probably don’t even like me anymore,” he finished sadly.

He pulled back to study Daniel’s features and was suddenly swamped by guilt as a previously unconsidered scenario crossed his mind. “Did you get captured because YOUR mind wasn’t fully on the job? Damn it! I am such an idiot! Feel free to come back and haunt me.” He sighed heavily then collapsed back in his chair, mentally berating himself until his food arrived, by which time he had no appetite at all and was feeling quite nauseous.

He accepted the tray graciously though, and after staring down at it for a short time, forced himself to take a few bites of what was obviously festive fare. After nearly gagging, he put it aside and picked up the coffee. He took a sip and waited for his stomach to adjust. When it had, he took another sip, and then he just sat there with the cup in his hand, staring at the bed, trying not to think while silently willing Daniel to open his eyes.

***

Three hours later, nature was calling with a vengeance, and Jack knew he needed to answer it. Both Carter and Teal’c had been in and offered to relieve him for a while but he had refused. Both had eyed the meal tray with undisguised disapproval but neither had said a word much to his relief. He’d been waiting for one of them to return again, not wanting to leave Daniel on his own, but since they hadn’t as yet...

He stood and leaned over the bed. “I’ll only be gone a minute or so,” he said quietly. “Don’t do anything silly while I’m gone.” He brushed Daniel’s brow lightly with his fingertips and looked at Daniel’s closed eyes that suddenly opened. Startled, Jack pulled his head away as machines began to scream again, and this time, as people came running, he quickly moved out of the way.

“Don’t fight it, Doctor Jackson,” he heard, followed quickly by, “I’m taking it out, okay, just relax,” all of which gave Jack hope. But when Doctor Warner finally came out wearing a smile and said, “Barring unforeseen complications, he’s going to be fine,” Jack’s elation was rapidly replaced by an overwhelming sense of dread.

“I’ll tell the others,” he said and headed off.

“Don’t you want to see him first?” an obviously surprised Doctor Warner called after him, but Jack pretended not to hear and kept walking.

****

Several hours later, Teal’c found Jack in his office where he was seated at his desk with a file he hadn’t even glanced at open in front of him. “Daniel Jackson is asking for you, O’Neill.”

“So he’s talking, huh,” Jack said in a wry tone.

“Indeed,” Teal’c replied with a smile. “Doctor Warner wishes for him to stop and get some more rest, but he refuses to do so until he has spoken to you. Doctor Warner sent me to find you.”

“Well, you found me,” Jack said magnanimously, holding out his arms and looking downward. “Here I am.”

Teal’c frowned. “Is something the matter, O’Neill?”

“Nope. Everything’s peachy,” Jack replied.

Teal’c’s eyes narrowed. “Then why have you not as yet moved?”

Jack inwardly sighed. He couldn’t avoid the situation with Daniel forever so it was probably better to get it over with sooner rather than later. "I'm just about to, see. Getting up now.” He pushed back his chair and rose.

“Would you like me to accompany you, O’Neill?”

“Nah, Teal’c it’s okay,” Jack assured. “I know the way. You go and do...whatever it is you need to do. What IS that thing you do now you don’t have junior anymore?”

“It is called meditation, O’Neill. Perhaps you would like to join me some time as Daniel Jackson does. Neither he nor I have ever needed to be relieved of duty.”

Jack threw him a saccharine smile. “That’s really low, Teal’c. And about that...”

Teal’c squared his jaw.

“You did good,” Jack said sincerely. “I appreciate it.”

Teal’c inclined his head. “You are welcome, O’Neill.”

Jack nodded, “So, don’t let me keep you.”

Teal’c gestured with his hand. “After you, O’Neill.”

Jack sighed inwardly again, knowing he’d been out maneuvered, so with a final nod to his friend, he led the way from the room.

As he made his way down to the infirmary, he tried not to anticipate. Daniel had asked to see him so that had to be a good sign. Or maybe it didn’t. There were several possibilities, most NOT good. All he could do was try to prepare himself to deal with whichever one eventuated, so with that in mind, he did his best to steel himself against the worst of them as he rode the elevator.

When he reached the infirmary, he took a deep breath for fortification, then without further prevarication poked his head around the curtain surrounding Daniel’s bed...

... to find Carter sitting on a chair with one of her hands over one of Daniel’s. As soon as she sighted Jack, she put a finger over her lips and mouthed, “He’s dozed off,” then started to rise.

Jack nodded, and suddenly thankful of the reprieve decided he’d come back later too. But as Carter removed her hand from Daniel’s, Daniel opened his eyes and fixed them directly on Jack.

“Jack,” he croaked. His gaze then moved to Carter who smiled, kissed two fingers then held them out in Daniel’s direction.

“Later,” she said softly before vacating the area, leaving Jack with no recourse but to enter and stand beside the bed.

“Daniel,” he said warily. “You’re looking better.”

Daniel smiled weakly. “Feeling it too.” He indicated towards his drip. “On the good stuff.” His eyes searched Jack’s. “You’ve been avoiding me.”

Jack shook his head vigorously but then nodded, keeping his gaze averted. “Yes, I have.”

“Why?”

Jack blew out a breath and continued to avoid eye contact. “Oh, I don’t know, I thought it might just be easier all round.”

Daniel frowned. “Did you get my message?”

Jack nodded. “Yeah, I got it.”

“So...what’s wrong? I thought you’d be pleased.”

Jack speared Daniel with an incredulous look. “You thought I’d be pleased?”

Daniel nodded.

“Why would I be pleased, Daniel?”

Daniel’s frown deepened. “I thought...” He stopped, blinking in that way he did when he was trying to figure something out. “Oh. I obviously did misread the situation. I thought you...” He averted his gaze, looking extremely uncomfortable, and Jack decided there was no point in trying to hide the truth any longer, whatever the outcome.

“You thought right,” he said quietly.

“I did?” Daniel looked confused.

Jack nodded.

“So...why did you ask?”

It was Jack’s turn to be confused. “Why would you ask me that?”

“Well, if you didn’t like my answer, what was the point?”

Jack scowled, his confusion turning to annoyance. “What do you mean, what was the point? It’s obvious.”

“Not from where I’m lying.”

Jack shook his head. “This is point-LESS. I asked, you said no, though for some reason you thought I’d be pleased about it, end of story. Can we just-”

“I didn’t say no,” Daniel cut in.

Jack stopped and stared. “That’s the message I got,” he said warily.

Daniel shook his head slightly. “She mustn’t have heard me properly,” he said absently. “Jack, what I said was ‘no sleeping bags’.”

“What?” Jack was scarcely able to believe his ears.

“No sleeping bags,” Daniel repeated.

Jack frowned as he suddenly wondered whether Daniel HAD fully understood the implications. “Daniel, you DO know-”

Daniel nodded. “I know.” He looked past Jack to where the curtains opened should anyone be entering then lowered his voice. “Naked wrestling. No holds barred and all that. Right?”

Jack couldn’t help the grin from forming. “Exactly! Well, how about that,” he added softly in wonder.

“Only because it’s you, Jack,” Daniel added quietly. “Never before.”

Jack froze. “You mean...?”

Daniel nodded. “The inclination’s always been there but...” He shrugged slightly, and then as quick as lightning, his expression turned suddenly wary. “Does it matter?”

“Hell no!” Jack declared, keeping his elation carefully muted. “Would you believe it’s the same here?”

Daniel's eyes opened wide. “Really?”

Jack nodded the confirmation happily. “How soon do you think-?” He broke off as strains of ‘Silent Night’ filled the air.

“It’s Christmas eve,” Daniel said. “Sam said she was going to bring the Christmas party to me since I couldn’t exactly make an appearance.”

Jack pulled aside the curtain to see an assortment of personnel including Carter, Teal’c, and all of SG-3 approaching. Daniel being the only occupant of the infirmary, they made a beeline for his bed and stopped at the foot of it. To Daniel’s obvious delight, they regaled him with all three verses of the song, after which Doctor Warner approached and ordered them all out again.

With a chorus of ‘goodbyes’, and ‘merry Christmases’, they departed, and after Doctor Warner informed Jack he could have only five minutes more, he too departed, pulling the curtains back around the bed as he went.

Jack turned to face Daniel who reached out and took one of Jack’s hands in his before looking into Jack’s eyes. “I guess you’ve been worried, huh, about my reaction, or lack there of in point of fact?”

Jack pulled a face. “A little,” he lied. “More about finding you first though,” he added truthfully.

Daniel nodded. “I’m sorry about that. But I tried to get you a message as soon as possible. And in case I didn’t make it, I wanted you to know the truth. Sorry it didn’t turn out the way I’d planned.”

Jack shrugged. “Them’s the breaks,” he said matter-of-factly.

Daniel searched his face. “You took a big risk.” He suddenly looked directly into Jack’s eyes. “Or did you know?”

Jack shook his head. “Not a clue.”

“How long?” Daniel asked.

“A while. You?”

“The same. So why now?”

Jack shrugged. “Actually, it just kind of slipped out because you said you’d come with me to the cabin. I hadn’t been expecting that.”

“I’d almost given up hope,” Daniel said softly.

Jack was surprised, but as he recalled Daniel’s initial reaction, he said dryly, “I never would have guessed.”

Daniel winced. “Ye-eah, sorry. It was just... I couldn’t quite believe it. I thought I had to have misunderstood. But while I was...” He pulled a face. “I had plenty of time to think, and I realized...” He broke off, throwing Jack a tired smile.

Jack wasn’t smiling as he imagined a whole range of unspeakable tortures to which Daniel had no doubt been subjected.

“It wasn’t pleasant,” Daniel said softly as if reading Jack’s mind, “but I survived to fight another day.”

“Thank God,” Jack declared with feeling and just had to ask, “Was there death involved?”

Daniel closed his eyes, gave a slight nod then looked into Jack’s eyes and said, “Not now, huh?”

Jack looked away, clamping down hard on his feelings of horror and anger. Once back on an even keel, he nodded. “Fair enough.” He looked into Daniel’s eyes again. “Do ME a favor?”

“What?”

“Don’t ever get captured like that again.”

Daniel squeezed Jack’s hand. “Trust me, it’s not high on my ‘to do over’ list. And in case you were wondering, I have no idea what happened. One minute I was firing madly at a super soldier and the next...” He shrugged.

“So...not distracted?” Jack asked casually.

“Not at that point. It wasn’t your fault, Jack.” Daniel waited a beat. “Sam tells me you had to be relieved of command.”

Jack grimaced. “That’s not high on MY ‘to do over’ list either so...you just...stick to not doing yours and...and I won’t have to do mine.” He frowned, wondering if what he’d said had made any actual sense, and then he noticed Daniel’s eyes had closed.

“You’re blaming me?” Daniel said in a weak voice with a smile that matched.

“Oh, you betcha!” Even though he knew Daniel wasn’t looking, Jack indicated toward his hair with the index finger of his free hand. “The grey hairs have increased by the dozens. You so owe me.”

Daniel continued to smile and squeezed Jack’s hand again. “I’ll look forward to it.”

Jack squeezed Daniel’s hand in return then leaned forward and quietly said, “I’d better go now and let you get some rest before Doctor Warner goes on the warpath.”

Daniel opened his eyes again. “Okay,” he said with a slight nod. “What time is it?”

Jack glanced at his watch. “It’s Christmas morning,” he said softly.

Daniel smiled as his eyes closed again and with diminishing volume said, “You’ll be getting your present a little late this year, Jack, but I think you’re going to like it.”

Jack grinned with delight. “Yeah?”

“Oh yeah,” Daniel decreed in little more than a whisper. “Merry Christmas, Jack.”

Jack glanced behind him and then leaned forward and gently brushed Daniel’s lips with his own. “Merry Christmas, Daniel,” he said softly. Daniel made a soft, appreciative sound and then remained silent.

Jack smiled, and as his eyes caressed the familiar features fondly, it occurred to him that Lieutenant Franks and co, Daniel's SG family, had got their Christmas miracle, but more importantly, so had he, and he knew that the Christmas season would hold new meaning for him forever more.

Suddenly imbued with a sense of euphoria rarely accorded him in recent years, and needing to express it in some small way, he brushed Daniel’s brow with his fingers then dropped a lingering kiss to it. “Merry Christmas, Daniel,” he whispered, before turning to leave with a carol in his heart, a spring in his step and a wide smile on his face courtesy of the plans for Daniel’s post-recuperation ‘down time’ that were forming in his head!