I haven't posted in forever, but I feel this is the right place to do this. Katie Gillihan was a wonderful woman. She was known by most as Katie, but to me she was Kate. In fact it all started because she was fond of giving people new names. She called me Lars, for reasons not known to me, and I called her Kate. She didn't like me calling her Kate until I told her that she reminded me of Katherine from Taming of the Shrew, and that I would one day be her Petruchio... she laughed at this and from then on I was blessed with the honor of calling her Kate.
Kate meant a lot to me. When I was 21 I was very depressed, meeting her changed that around. I used to spend all night talking to her on the phone. She was my first serious relationship, though that was unknown to many. Most of our relationship was secret, because she wanted to do it and at the time it brought thrill to it... but like all goods things, it faded and we became just friends. I trusted her with many secrets of mine, I feel a little dishonest revealing this, but I needed to get this out.
Now I didn't mean to come on here and blurb things, I just came here to honor Kate. I loved her, she was a spark of life in my life. Anytime I was bother I would call her and somehow she would make it OK and now... now, I shall never be able to do that.
I was never a scholar... oh those people on their high horse. Today I was established as an excellent teacher. I did a slamming lesson on the routes of explorers with using latitude and longitude. Praise all around, made me feel good... though I come home, getting a message that quite plainly says I can't write. In all regards it was a 2 on my TPA but still, I feel as if it's not my abilities to teach but my abilities to express ones self with this limited shell people call words. Now I know I can't write, even as I write this I misspelled 5 words. Now some may make me question my future... but I say nay! Teaching is not about writing, it is not about English... It is about learning and reaching students to make them try when it comes to learning rather than giving up.
Personally, I loath writing when it's not recreational, It's draining and painful and to be the matter of a fact, I should be working on a TPA right now but I feel that I'm not even trying anymore. I mean for at least now. Why waste time on words when it means so little to them. People judging me based on what? The way I can carry myself with a pen? Is that a fair judgement? I don't think so. I got my fair judgement... A soilder can't be judge with a test, he must be on the battle field, as a teacher can not be judged with a paper, but judged in the classroom.
I'm just a little pissed off at everything right now! First off, The WoW Machine does not get along with Premiere or my Camera. I'm not sure where the lethal combination comes from, but they no like each other. It could be that the C drive is itty bitty and I need to do a massive overhaul by cloning the drive onto a bigger drive and that could in theory fix it... but I would hate to do SO much work just for it to fail. Also sometimes the wireless internet fails. This only happens when Streaming or torrenting... I have no IDEA why!? Perhaps the wireless receiver is old and I just need a new one, or something else is happening... but still grrr...
Next and last of my bitchyness... My facebook account got hacked... no big deal, I fixed it, changed my password and moved on. Now Facebook disabled my account until they know 100% for sure it is me. Well I replied to my E-mail and they said they will bring it back up.... THEY HAVE YET TO DO SO!.... It is taking forever and it's stupid!
fuck, it's been a while. It's funny because I don't have anything in terms of epic-ness to tell you guys. I've just been busy with School and well school. It's weird because I was all stressing on all the shit I need to do, but now looking at it as whole... I'm thinking it's going to easy... crazy but easy.
The TPA ramp is coming close to the drop-off. Only 2 weeks and some change left and I haven't even typed word one, but I'm not stressing (much). Things are a bit weird because I have a girlfriend. I love Lisa, she's awesome... And even though I might not seem like the type... but two (almost 3) months in and I'm still getting used to the idea.
I feel bad because in a few days (maybe weeks) I'll have to drop off the face of the earth to get all this shit in tow. She is well aware of this, but still I feel kind of bad. I wish I could make a schedule of my life and keep it like clockwork, but life is not such. So, yeah... not much to really say. The world will continue... Funny thing, I haven't even really thought of Halloween... I guess I'm going to be a Zombie (Easy 2 do).
I've been busy. Life has had some twists for me recently. Some were expected, others not so much. I've taken on a lot of new things recently and the rush of it all is exiting and at the same time madness. I feel like a lot had gone to the waist side. Things I hold dear, but at the same time I feel as though I don't have the time or stamina to on go these tasks. Life has been a roller coaster, ups and downs... but somewhere on the way, I think I feel out.
I can go on and on about the changes that have occurred, but that's not the story. The thing is regardless how far I come or how far I may rise or fall... it's still there. No one can change who they are deep down inside and I still feel sometimes that even still, I have something to prove. That more can be done... Hell I know more can be done. I just can't... I'm not sure why, I'm not sure what is blocking me... but there are invisible road blocks preventing me from rising to where I can be.
Questions lie rattling in my head, waiting for answers. Someday my head my crack open and all these questions can find their soul mate, their answer.
- The things I hate are the things that make me human, in a sense of irony, this makes me even more human and thus I loath myself more.
So yeah, I haven't posted in a while. I just wanted to post saying that this week and next week is going to kill me... but then I have a break and people should assume that I'll be wanting to party my ass off and wind down... that is all :)
