Posting here is pretty damn insignificant to anyone's life, especially as I don't use this account anymore, but I felt that it fit the mood.
I have nothing intelligent to say, nothing meaningful, nothing to make anyone, including myself, think. Sorry.
It just hurts, it hurts increadibly, and the only people that would understand the pain know better than to open up to anyone, and I'm beginning to think I should find a way to go back to what I was before; that is... find a way to kill off the ole sences... And, what difference would it make, anyways? Oh no, Leeda doesn't talk to anyone anymore. Waah, Leeda sits in the halls by herself all day and writes. Boo-hoo. Like anyone cares. I don't.
You people don't give me enough credit.
I feel, quite literally, that my abdomen, going up my chest, and parts of my throat, are becomming metal. Something strong. I'm hoping eventually it'll consume my heart and mind until there is no possible way that I can be alive. Or perhaps one day someone will punch me in the stomach and something will shatter, shards great and small will burrow into my stomach, puncture my lungs, decapitate my heart, and make me bleed, until i drown in the red fluids... red... metalic fluids...
You know, when we wonder why we should hold on to our trash instead of just hucking it to the ground? Claim, "oh what does it matter, just one piece of trash..", and counter claim ,"What if everyone in the world did that? That's a lot of trash,". What if everyone did that? Can you comprehend it? I'm not sure I can or not, but ... i think that's what just happened to me.
I'm waiting for misfortune great enough to circle itself round and become great fortune to greet me - end this cycle of false hope and reality.
...Or, y'know, I could just suck it up and stop living in the past =P
Haha...man...I don't like this...
Well. We all have to go through things we don't like. And judging by the people I know ... I shouldn't be talking.
ANGER 1. Who did you last get angry with?: Me 2. What is your weapon of choice?: Paper. Or finger. >=) 3. Would you hit a member of the opposite sex?: All the time. 4. How about of the same sex?: But of course. 5. Who was the last person who got really angry at you?: Rofl, uh...Jeremy? Or... hmm.. Heston. 6. What is your pet peeve?: TOO MANY. 7. Do you keep grudges, or can you let them go easily?: I usually let it go..UNLESS...
SLOTH 1. What is one thing you're supposed to do daily that you haven't done in a while?: Homework? =/ 2. What is the latest you've ever woken up?: 11 something 3. Name a person you've been meaning to contact, but haven't: My pen pals >.> Crystal, Johanna 4. What is the last lame excuse you made?: I really don't remember. Probably something like "I'm sexy" 5. Have you ever watched an infomercial all the way through?: Yeah -.- UGH. ONCE. NEVER AGAIN. 6. When was the last time you got a good workout?: *thinks back* Skating before holidays. 7. How many times did you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock today?: The damn thing was set for PM not AM, I was almost late... But I got there early...
GLUTTONY 1. What is your overpriced yuppie beverage of choice?: Yuppie? Uh... Mocha frap? 2. Meat eaters: white meat or dark meat?: Dark 3. What is the greatest amount of alcohol you've had in one sitting/outting/event?: Rien 4. Have you ever used a professional diet company?: no 5. Do you have an issue with your weight?:No, i used to weigh too little though. 6. Do you prefer sweets, salty foods, or spicy foods?: SWEET 7. Have you ever looked at a small housepet or child and thought, "LUNCH"?: rofl, once -.- I was younger though. It may have been in a dream.
LUST 1. How many people have you seen naked (not counting movies/family)?: A couple 2. How many people have seen YOU naked (not counting physicians/family)?: Enough. 3. Have you ever caught yourself staring at the chest/crotch of a member of your gender of choice during a normal conversation?: Yep =P 4. Have you "done it"?: Yes...I... ate broccoli =P Feh, I haven't had sex. 5. What is your favorite body part on a person of your gender of choice?: Depends who it is. If it's Kyo, god, between the crotch the abs the back the tattooed arms the face his hair... I can't. 6. Have you ever been propositioned by a prostitute?: No 7. Have you ever had to get tested for an STD or pregnancy?: No
GREED 1. How many credit cards do you own?: None 2. What's your guilty pleasure store?: Anything with chocolate or... Hmm..those little japanese stores...Langere stores... 3. If you had $1 million, what would you do with it?: Kyo. >=) 4. Would you rather be rich, or famous?: Depends. On a lot. Ummmm...The two kind of coenside anyways...so... rich to avoid the publicity. Still, i wanna be a singer for someone. 5. Would you accept a boring job if it meant you would make megabucks?: Yeah, as long as I had tiem for something not so boring on the side. 6. Have you ever stolen anything?: Probably candy from my mom XD Or from the Kindergarten teacher. I hated her. 7. How many MP3s are on your hard drive?: x.x;
PRIDE 1. What's one thing have you done that you're most proud of?: Ugh... no idea... Got good on an English essay I guess... 2. What's one thing have you done that your parents are most proud of?: Grades...good grades... or growing up (although i'm not proud cos i haven't) 3. What's something you would like to accomplish in your life?: Besides Gackyo? Okay, singer. 4. Do you get annoyed by coming in second place?: Not at all. 5. Have you ever entered a contest of skill, knowing you were of much higher skill than all the other competitors?: Nope 6. Have you ever cheated on something to get a higher score?: Rofl, yeah, wasnt important but sin none the less. 7. What did you do today that you're proud of?: ...Not much...
ENVY 1. What item (or person) of your friends would you most want to have for your own?: Kyo =) 2. Who would you want to go on "Trading Spaces" with?: I wouldn't. 3. If you could be anyone else in the world, who would you be?: I'd be Kyo. Then I'd play with myself. 4. Have you ever been cheated on?: Yep 5. Have you ever wished you had a physical feature different from your own?: GOD yes. 6. What in born trait do you see in others that you wish you had for yourself?: Singing... 7. Do you wish you'd come up with this survey?: No x.x; 8. Finally, what is your favorite deadly sin?: Like, which do I like to endulge in? Probably lust.
2)New website layout. (I'm dropping the Disciplinary Committee theme altogether, thinking about going with something like Toxin or Garden...)
SUGGESTIONS?
On another note, I don't know what "Jubliant" is, and I'm coughing, and after not singing for a while thanks to my illness, I sound like crap x.x; Like, moreso than usual, I mean.
I'm also reallie looking for someone to write music that I can write lyrics to (I know this is hard work, sorry for nagging) But I want to change the songs from being so personal and see if I can get some other kind of inspiration ^_^
Hm, what else is left to say... Oh yeah. My playlist, lemmie know if you want any of these, and DONATIONS TO MEE ARE APPRECIATEDDDDDD And sorry if this looks like crap, i'm really tired.
Fanvids I have from various sources (J-rock wize, anyways): Diru's "I'm Too Sexy" Kyo is "Toxic" Gackt's "I'm Too Sexy" "Kyo's Sexiest Scenes" put to the tune of Red...[em] Kaoru is a "Macho Macho Man" Kyo is "Vogue" Gackt (still) Can't Dance Mana no dansu (to BSB's "Get another boyfriend"
And... Random clips I currently have: ---Dir en Grey--- Diru eating (Aaah! Chicken head! Die is like ew, and Kyo is like AAH! ._.) Kaoru talking infront of a camera. He moves a lot. Kyo spying on his fans. "WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH!" Kyo talking infront of a camera. Toshiya talking infront of a camera. Toshiya falling backwards ._. man this one was embarrasing... Kaoru fell...OUCH. Toshiya mocks Shinya, and then there's Kyo rubbing himself. Kyo and Die talking Diru's phone recording machine Diru recording stuff in studio (vulgar) Music Station interview Kyo talks about Maralyn Manson Kyo and Die on BBC (extended version of the above) The famous Toshiya licking Kyo scene (I think this is during Hydra?) Toshiya pouncing Shinya Live at Osaka jo Hall (I think this is backstage stuff) Diru doing Ash and then the lights go out x.x; Random clips from Macabre Someone swinging Someone around KMTV appearance Shinya playing piano Die and Kaoru eating sausage Randomness from Diety tour Kyo and Die on stage x.x; I think Die's like "Kyo, Daisuke, Kyo" or something Kaoru dumps water bottle on Kyo's head Die blocking Shinya on the bus Toshiya shows off his wonderful ass ...I don't know, but they're not wearing shirts. Kyo and Kaoru interview Toshiya feeling Kyo's chest ^_^ Toshiya playing a shitty game of pingpong That Kyo and Die being dumbasses before being famous thing Lunchtime interview, Die and Shinya DRINKING CONTEST! Kyo falls x.x; Diru in some red room thing (to Ash) lots of yaoi-like things :)
---Gackt---
Some beauty clinic comercial Gackt asks a bodyguard for a kiss Some odd yet sexycute candy commercial (girl made of water) Fujifilm commercial (Gackt Performing) Gackt's Birthday Gackt kisses camera (sorta) Girls scream for Gackt on some TV show. Para Para dance (god this is hilarious -.-) Gackt speaking french to a mermaid. (commercial) Gackt wrestling and getting spanked x.x; Gackt shatterse a bottle with his finger Gackt playing billiards and yelling FUCK Dancing on a TV show with some people x.x; "Gackt Gets Molested" (rofl) Gackt on TV - "hidden meat" Gackt on TV - "magnum" Gackt on TV - "crotch stretcher" Wierd phone commercial Gackt shows off his flexability "Gackt got trapped in a toilet" - a cute story by Gackt on TV Gackt commercial (Don't know what it's for, but...He's naked) Gackt does a backflip x.x;
---Malice Mizer--- "A Very Mizer X-mas" Yu~Ki getting punched, courtesy of Mana Gekka no Yasoukyoku Shock Wave 96 Message
Lives I currently have: ---Dir en Grey--- Saku (from Code of Vulgar[ism]) The Final (from Code of Vulgar[ism] Zan (Diru on tv ^_^) CODE OF VULGAR[ism]I CODE OF VULGAR[ism]II JEALOUS Embryo Raison D'etre Cage Ain't afraid to die Yokan
---Gackt--- Lu:na Live (6th day) Lu:na (subtitled) Fragrance (subtitled) Another World U + K Illuminati Vanilla (who DOESN'T have this?)
---SADS--- Fairy's Malice
---Hide---
Dice ---Malice Mizer--- Gekka no Yasoukyoku Syunikiss (Dont know. But it's live.)
Current PVs I have: ---Dir en Grey--- Mask Myaku Mr. Newsman (this has really cute stuff in it T_T) Obscure (censored) Obscure (uncensored) 304 Goushitsu, Hakushi no Sakura Schwein no Isu Yurameki Child Prey Saku Drain Away Raison D'etre [KR]Cube Taiyou no Ao Cage JESSICA The Final Ain't afraid to die
---Gackt--- Kimigaoitaketayume is what it says, maybe it's "Kimi ga oikaket ayume" Mirror Secret Garden Vanilla Illuminati
---SADS--- Porno Star
---Malice Mizer--- Gekka no Yasoukyoku Au Revoir Illuminati
[Edit: Oh, on top of that, Diru wise I /think/ I have all album songs up to and including Vulgar, singles up to and including SAKU(each single has like three songs on it, some of them are lives), songs from Osaka jo Hall 1999(lives), Blitz 5 days 2004(lives), and 5 ugly kingdom(lives), [kaede] ~if trans...~, Kai 2001, Kyo's poembook, a bunch of remixes x.x; In other words, if you want the mp3 of it, I probably have it. You're welcome to them!]
How about a 311 song that just got popped into my head?
Today seems like a good day to burn a bridge or two The one with old wood creaking that would burn away right on cue
I try to be not like that but some people really suck Some people need to get the axing chalk it up to bad luck
~*~*~*~*~ I know a drugstore cowgirl so afraid of getting bored She's always running from something so many things ignored
I might do that stuff if it didn't make me feel like shit I'm on some old reality tip so many trips in it
~*~*~*~*~ Beautiful disaster ... Flyin' down the street again ... I tried to keep up You wore me out and left me ate up Now I wish you all the luck You're a butterfly in the wind without a ca-a-a-aa-a-a-aare A pretty train crash to me and I can't c-a-a-a-a-aare I do I don't whatever
~*~*~*~*~ I know a drugstore cowgirl so afraid of getting bored She's always running from something so many things ignored
I try to be not like this but I thought it'd make a good song There's nothing to see shows over people just move along
God, wasn't that just fun? Although I love singing that song, It's... 311... Which is a lot less um... Tastefull? Than my J-rock. And it reminds me so badly of Heston. Goodness. *Clings to J-rock*
On another note, these pilly things I'm taking appear to be working. Now instead of being depressed almost all the time, I'm happy/content over half the time. Go me! Go homeopathic remedies! Go no more scars on my wri- hand!
Once I get my school work done, I'll have that Gackyo TOXIC thing going...
Also, I've decided to totally remake my stupid website. Expect GARDEN or something.
Origional Message PINK!!! Oh how the Evil Abounds.... -_-. Soon It will Emerge in the form of little Pink Bunnies who will take over the world and brain Wash us ALL!!!! There is no escape I tell you....NO ESCAPE!! Pink is a Deciving Box Of death....luring it into a most Vicious Plan...IT BURNS!!!!!!!
to avoid such a pitaful future we must come together and Destroy this most sickning foe. WILL YOU JOIN ME??!! WILL YOU HELP ME FIGHT?! Or are you already Brain washed...Do you not see what I do?
--Cassie
My Addition FIGHT! FIGHT UNTIL THERE IS NO FURTHER RESOLVE! I WILL DEDICATE MY LIFE TO FIGHTING THIS ATTROCITY AND BECOMMING A BETTER SPELLER. I PLEDGE MY ALLEGIANCE TO CASSIE AND HER small, yet existant none the less, ARMY. IF THERE IS ANYTHING I WILL NOT STAND, BESIDES CRISPY TACOS INVADING MARS, IS PINK AND ITS LITTLE BAND OF BUNNIES, TAKING OVER THE WORLD. IF THE WORLD IS TO BE TAKEN OVER, IT WILL BE TAKEN OVER BY A HIGHER FORCE, LIKE CASSIE AND HER PEOPLE, STEN'S TONGUE, OR NUMEROUS AMMOUNTS OF GACKYO.
I WILL NOT SIT DOWN. I WILL STAND UP.
*Gets off ass for once in her life*
Ahhh, that's niiice. *shakes*
JOIN US IN OUR ETERNAL FIGHT AGAINST PINK, A DECIEVING BOX OF DEATH. A COLOUR OF MANY HUES.
determined