paddy's temper gets the better of his organising.

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{patrick maguire}

paddy's temper gets the better of his organising.

Who: Anyone lurking in the kitchen and Paddy. Eventually, though, Parker. He'll need her.
Where: Kitchen.
When: About ten minutes after Donny announces what Clapet was up to.
What: Paddy's cracking a little. Call it stress.

He hadn't really thought about the knives on his last dinner shift, or any of the recent ones. He trusted his staff, and his main concern was making sure only a very specific amount of food was used; and then worrying about whether that was too much.

So when Donny mentioned a knife being used to kill someone, he'd gone searching through his knife, re-counting them again. There was one missing.

Shit.

Shit shit shit. That was all Paddy's brain was capable of. He looked at Donny's hazy reply on his communicator, and swore loudly, "Fucking fuck fuck!" Then threw the communicator hard across the kitchen at the wall. Paddy had been working virtually non-stop for the past few days and had thought he was entirely on top of things until today. He pressed his palms hard into the side and tried to calm down. It wasn't working.

He just couldn't take this any more. Especially if he'd have to start killing things. Especially now people had died.

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Parker couldn't believe that someone on the kitchen staff had done something this stupid. She didn't want to think that it had actually been someone on it, but it was a simple fact that it couldn't have been anyone else. Miss Parker was someone who didn't have a habit of trusting people easily, and for this felt far bigger and more painful for her than it should.

However, Parker was more worried about Paddy. It was weird for her, having that thing where she cared that much about someone who was aboard, and the franticness of the circumstances reminded her far too much of the zombie port and she didn't like it.

Hearing the bang from inside the kitchens, Parker quickly slipped her gun from her holster and had it pulled out when she walked it, expecting that someone had gotten fucking stupid and decided that looting was the way to go. What she didn't expect was Paddy to have been the one to do throw something. Putting her gun up, she walked over to him. "Calm the fuck down, Paddy-cakes."

"Calm the fuck down, Parker?" He looked up at her incredulously, and then added in a tense, but much lower tone, as he didn't really want anyone outside to hear, "Someone took one of my knives and gave it to a guy to kill someone. I didn't fucking count them for my shift, I fucking trusted those three. Those three are fucking stand up, you know and... fuck if I knows why Billy or West took it when he's the one who fucking died!"

He shook his head, "People are dying. And it's my fucking fault, Parker. My fucking fault. Sure, there's nutjobs, but I didn't do a crucial fucking bit of my job because I got fucking complacent, and someone died. Properly, Parker! Properly!"

"You trusted them, Paddy. You trusted people who are your friends not to do something stupid when things are already fucking insane. That's not your fault. You're fucking practically running the entire kitchen right now, and you're doing everything you fucking can to keep people alive!" She knew from reading that it had been Clapet who had ended up with the knife, and Billy who had been killed and perhaps it was lingering loyalty (or running into West looking so forlorn yesterday) to West, but she didn't think that he had been the one who had handed over the knife to the butcher.

"They'll fucking come back. All of them. They'll be pissed and feel like shit but they'll come back. But Paddy, this is not your fault. You're performing fucking miracles to keep people fed and warm and that's all you can do. I hate to tell you, Irish, but you're not Superman, you're not God and you're sure the fuck not the Admiral! You're pissed at the wrong fucking person!"

"Yeah, but Parker, this was within my fucking control. Well within it, and I still fucked up."

He sighed, "If I wasn't pissed, then there'd be something wrong. I've lost some seriously heavy shit at home, and always fucking gotten pissed off at myself for letting it go, even when it wasn't... all my fucking fault. Here, people die, and I'm trying my best, but it's just not fucking good enough, Parker."

He shook his head, "I just... I dunno how much more of this I can take."

"No. Billy fucked up, because he abused the trust you placed in him, and he abused the situation. I don't care what his reasons were, but I know it wasn't Laura and considering that West was here looking like a fucking puppy, I don't think it was him either. Billy screwed up, and it got him killed and that's a reason to be mad at him. Paddy."

She said his name quickly, and she gave him a little push. "Stop trying to take all the fucking blame for this. You didn't count, but you shouldn't have had to have counted with the people you trusted. You are making sure people fucking eat, Paddy. And that's enough. There are people here who aren't doing shit but being here scared of the dark, and once again you fucking stepped up."

She grasped his chin, holding it between her fingers. "Do not even fucking talk like that. You can handle this, I know you can. Now, come on. We're getting the fuck out of her for a little while."

"I ain't blaming the dead guy, for fuck's sake! If I'd just checked the knives..."

He shook his head away from her grip and swallowed hard, "I've barely fucking sat down. I just... fuck, Parker, I'm working my ass off and things still ain't working."

"He did stupid, and you can't blame yourself for that." When he shook his head away from her grip, Parker frowned sharply. She wasn't fucking good at this sort of thing, or being the calm one. It was only because it was Paddy that she didn't just shake her head, call him an idiot and walk away. But she knew that this entire circumstance was stress, and that it was eating at everyone and eating at him most of all.

"You need to fucking sit down, Paddy. You're not fucking sleeping and all you're doing is just fucking stressing. Are you remembering to eat?" The questions were quick and fast and pointed. "When was the last time you even thought about breathing?"

He paced a little across the small space of his kitchen he had, and shook his head, "If I have to think about breathing, I do have a fucking problem."

He sighed, "I can fucking eat and look after myself, y'know, love. Someone's gotta take responsibility for this shit, you know."

"Yeah, but you're not the fucking only person here, Paddy. You're taking every single little thing on your shoulders. Una's here, Iroh's here, I'm here. You need to take a fucking break and get the fuck out of here for a little while." She looked around quickly.

"Come on, we're going for a walk or a fight or something, but the fuck out of here. Let them handle it for twenty minutes."

He paused and considered this for a moment, looking around, and then finally nodding, "Alright. Let's go. You're probably fucking right."

"I know I'm fucking right." If things weren't so fucked up, Parker'd take him down to the gym and let him beat on things for awhile, but considering that was out, she thought that maybe a walk on deck (away from the corpses, thanks) would be at least something different, something to help him calm the fuck down.

He took a deep breath, "Alright, let's get the fuck out of here for a bit. I could do with a fucking break."

Parker nodded, deciding that a grin was probably a stupid thing to do, but she was glad that he was going to take her up on the offer. "Come on then. Deck?"

"Yeah, if we ain't going to be crashing a wake." Which was... an odd sort of joke to be making in the circumstances, but morbid humour was the best he had right now. He headed for the door, then, after a moment's thought, reached back to take her hand in his.

"Well, if we're crashing a wake, at least we'll do it in style." Parker was fairly certain that they wouldn't be, but fuck it if they were. When he took her hand in his, she gave his fingers a quick squeeze. She was here and she wasn't going fucking anywhere.

"It's the best way to crash a wake." He smirked and headed away from their fire and into the dark corridors, "Trust me, I talk from experience."

"Crashed many, have you?" There was a grin in her tone, even though it was too dark that it could be seen. "I only crashed one, thank god Syd was there to stop me from doing something too stupid, like shooting the widow." Making jokes? Yeah, just a little bit.

"Depends how we define crashing, love." He fumbled his way to the stairs, not letting go of her, partly so he didn't lose her, partly because he wanted to keep hold of her right now. "Turning up with beer and a family in tow was a good start.

"I'll make a note of that. Always show up up with beer and a family." Which only worked well if you had enough kids to make a sports team, but that was beside the point. "Rather than a gun, questions and a nervous little nerd." Parker kept up and didn't try and pull her hand away; there was no way she was letting go for anything.

"Turning up to a funeral with a gun is always asking for trouble, I reckon." He smiled, only to himself, and continued finding his way cautiously up the stairs. "I'd have thought you'd worked that one out."

"Eh, I tend to be pissed off when I crash funerals. It's normally never my idea to be there." Parker laughed quickly, and then she muttered. "You'd be surprised how many times the coffin turns out to be fake."

"Never knew you made a habit of this." He nearly tripped over a step, but quickly righted himself.

She quickly pulled her journal out and flicked the screen in order to provide them some sort of light while they were heading up the stairs towards the deck. "You'd be surprised how many times people in a funeral home would do some shitty things."

Paddy grimaced, "I'd... rather not think about it." He followed the light and found a couple more steps. They were getting there, but it was a long way up.

"Next time I'll kidnap a family and a case of beer. I'm sure it'll work out so much better for everyone involved." Her tone was light, because she was trying to increase the mood a bit. "You know, when the lights come back on, I'm going to put that reflective fucking tape on every single stair. Fuck this almost falling down."

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