bringingdowndisaster: (Default)
薛洋 (Xue Yang) ([personal profile] bringingdowndisaster) wrote in [community profile] lastvoyageslogs2023-04-19 01:01 pm
18

Lost and found memories [flood log]

Who: Xue Yang and memory recipients + anyone else who wants to talk to XY
What: Memento Youri flood
Where: Around the ship
When: During the flood
Warnings: None right now, but since Xue Yang's memories contain themes of child abuse, starvation, underage prostitution, murder, suicide, violence, etc... those subjects will certainly come up!



Something is definitely wrong.

Some of the memories bouncing around in his hand are not his own. They can't be. It's strange, because he can feel the emotions from them, the impact, as if it really had happened to him, but there are inconsistencies that he can't ignore. In some he's being called a name that isn't his own, or he's in an environment that is completely alien to him, or he's doing or saying something he never would.

But what had really convinced him is the one where he's blind. Where he can hear Xiao Xingchen's voice coming from his own lips. Like they had switched places. He can feel all of Xiao Xingchen's emotions, and it's... harrowing. Agonizing. He'd caused that. All that pain. He'd known that of course, but it's another thing entirely to feel it.

He's also certain that he's lost some memories too. In Xiao Xingchen's memory there was talk of a massacre that he has no recollection of. The story of how he'd lost his pinky finger sounds alien to him as well. He can't remember at all how he'd lost it.

Not knowing how to deal with all of this, but knowing that he at least has to talk to Xiao Xingchen, he will first find his way to the cabins on floor 3 in hopes of bumping into him.

Later he can be found out on the deck, staring into the endless sky. He will also make a visit to the library in an attempt to find any literature on memory loss and gaining the memories of other people. And crazy memory sharing or not, he still needs to eat so he will visit the dining hall around dinner time.

In the evening, he will retire back to his cabin on floor 6.
goingtobeunwell: (arctic. awh heck)

[personal profile] goingtobeunwell 2023-04-19 03:48 pm (UTC)(link)
There’s agony in his veins now that hadn’t been there before. His childhood had been less than idyllic - his father drank gin, his mother was overwhelmed with children - but he certainly never went hungry. And he was loved, above all else he was loved.

These new memories clash and refuse to mix with the ones made in Banbridge, those smiling, older sisters doting on him and happy school days mixing with loneliness and desperation like oil and water.

He doesn’t make it to his cabin before he comes across Xue Yang, looking more desperate and agonized than he’d ever seen another human being. It startles him, makes him feel bile rise to his throat.
goingtobeunwell: (arctic. sadness beard)

[personal profile] goingtobeunwell 2023-04-19 05:31 pm (UTC)(link)
The fondness isn't reciprocated, though there are certainly other emotions at play when he lays eyes on him. Not pity no, he doesn't pity this man, but there's kinship in the sharing of memories. He winces a little and takes a quick step forward.

"Xue Yang," he mutters. He looks like he's about to crumble on the spot, so much so that he extends his hand to him without thinking.
goingtobeunwell: (arctic. thoughtful)

[personal profile] goingtobeunwell 2023-04-19 06:57 pm (UTC)(link)
His intent is to keep him from falling face-first into the floor, but as soon as Xue Yang accepts the touch it changes quickly. He needs comforting, doesn't he?

"You need to sit," he says firmly, looking towards the common room. "This way now."

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riseunparalleled: (pic#15267226)

[personal profile] riseunparalleled 2023-04-19 04:11 pm (UTC)(link)
Xie Lian is feeling a little - distracted. He can't, or perhaps refuses to, go strong than, perhaps, saying that it's... uncomfortable. With more than eight hundred years of memories, he might have thought that he could lose a few without a problem, he'd certainly fold enough of them away in the back of his mind, but he's not surprised that the Barge would take important ones. ...He just wishes he knew what he was missing.

But he doesn't think he's lost any recent memories, so his response to seeing Xue Yang on on the third floor is almost automatic.

"Hello, Xue Yang." His smile is as real as ever, even if he's stepping around uncertain ground in his mind.
riseunparalleled: (pic#15267226)

[personal profile] riseunparalleled 2023-04-19 04:33 pm (UTC)(link)
"I think we all are." Xie Lian gives him a reassuring smile. "It's not pleasant, but it's better to know that it's not a problem with our minds and that it will only last a limited time."

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brightmooongentlebreeze: (weeping blood time)

[personal profile] brightmooongentlebreeze 2023-04-19 10:59 pm (UTC)(link)
They don't frequent many of the same places. Even as he's begun to venture out into the ship a bit, Xiao Xingchen has carefully arranged his life to be Xue Yang-free. Francis usually brings meals back to him, the library holds no appeal to a man who can't read, and he chooses all his destinations to avoid any random meetings.

So it's no accident that puts him on the deck, jaw set. He's less gaunt and pale these days, because there's someone to make him eat and rest. He's even finally had to replace the bloodstained old robe he was clinging to as a sort of combination comfort and penance, because someone covered it in broken glass and red wine, and it didn't survive the cleaning. He looks altogether less like a ghost than he did last time they met.

But he also looks tense, stern, and deeply uncomfortable. He'd rather eat broken glass than seek this out. But the admiral's left him no choice.
brightmooongentlebreeze: (pacing)

[personal profile] brightmooongentlebreeze 2023-04-21 11:55 pm (UTC)(link)
He's spent weeks on weeks now flinching away from that voice, and he flinches now, like a child who's learned not to touch a hot oven, rather than out of any active aversion. I'm sorry. He's tempted to scoff, which he's not exactly in the habit of doing. What does that mean from a monster? But. It's a shift. It's not just a series of unclear demands on his attention, anyway.

He's not here to look for an apology, but finding one is a pleasant surprise. His lips thin and he turns his head more sharply than he means to, tossing his hair with the motion. One deep breath and he finds his voice. "We need to fix this. That's all."
brightmooongentlebreeze: (despair)

[personal profile] brightmooongentlebreeze 2023-04-22 01:55 am (UTC)(link)
His jaw sets. There's a lot to his sometimes stony serenity, duty as a priest and cultivator, natural inclination, dignity-- But he also knows how easily he can fall apart when he has to put words to things.

But he can't, in fact, recall exactly what ridiculous nonsense tumbled out of his mouth right before he died, right when everything ended. He remembers telling the story, more than once, and that was like having teeth pulled, too. He has a rough outline of what he told Xie Lian, what he told Francis, but not the moment itself, so all he's sure of is the fact of the matter, that he learned the truth, lost a struggle, was met by what was left of his sworn brother, and shattered his soul.

And it feels like someone else's nightmare, distant and indistinct, and yet it's the moment that's driven him since he arrived here. He's lost and brittle without it.

"A lot to do with my own sorry corpse. It's disconcerting," he finally says, stiff and in no way in the spirit of sharing.

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xiaoge: (Thinking - 思考)

Deck

[personal profile] xiaoge 2023-04-20 04:12 am (UTC)(link)
When Xue Yang went to deck intending to stare at that unnatural starscape of endless night, he would find that there was already someone sitting in the shadows of the deck there. He was not quite staring up at the sky though but silently watching the people coming and going across the planks.

He also noticeably stiffened when the younger man approached.

Almost as if the approach of the young man brought forth the memories that used to belong to him, the bloody scene of the Chang clan massacre flitted across the edge of his consciousness like a temptress trying to catch his attention. Unbidden the feelings of elation that accompanied it brought a strange smile to Qiling's lips, before his expression quickly closed down and he had to concentrate to not ensnared by those thoughts.

He couldn't stay silent at that. "Your revenge only resulted in the loss of many lives."
xiaoge: (Blank - 冷漠)

[personal profile] xiaoge 2023-04-21 12:19 am (UTC)(link)
"Death," he replied in a few devoid of emotions, yet for once, there was the slightest hint of judgement at how he was looking at the other man. Not something that Qiling usually showed, but this time it hit too close. Feeling joy when hot blood of his kills splattered on his skin and the elation of his victims piercing screams of fear was something he never wanted.

"The annihilation of a clan in their family home... And feeling accomplished for it." A complicated expression showed on Qiling's face of his own disapproval, yet softened by the intense joy that still echoed in the depths of his memories.
xiaoge: (Blank - 冷淡)

[personal profile] xiaoge 2023-04-24 05:52 am (UTC)(link)
The admission that this was an accomplishment, spoken with pride, was something that deepened that disapproving glint in Qiling's gaze. While he would bleed to save people, most of them were people he didn't know and never knew, and some might even try to harm him, this man took the lives discriminately because they were related to someone who had once harmed him.

"Petty."

There was no better word to describe that behavior, and his disapproval leaned towards disgust this time.

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malicing: (need a place to hide)

[personal profile] malicing 2023-04-21 01:30 am (UTC)(link)
He is, more or less, a mutilated shadow of himself. Since his room is so close to Xue Yang's, it is easy for him to keep an eye on the other man. Why he spends his time counting his once friend's steps isn't fully clear to him, either. It could be out of habit. Or maybe he just doesn't trust anyone not to betray him.

His anxiety has certainly heightened since Guanyin Temple. He paces through his room, hating the reminders of his Jin heritage and yet...needing them.

This is who I am.

Separating himself from Xue Yang's memories becomes an added difficulty. They share so many similarities! He begins to wonder where the line exists - if it exists at all. A laugh leaves him suddenly, the sound broken, and he hunts the other man down.

"Are you me, Chengmei? Am I you?"
Edited 2023-04-21 01:30 (UTC)
perfectly_average: (188)

cw: def child abuse talk in here

[personal profile] perfectly_average 2023-04-21 05:48 pm (UTC)(link)
To awaken with gaps in his memories, it's... less jarring than he might have anticipated. It's uncomfortable, just how easily things seem to flow. Jamil spends a long time staring at his hand, and it is scary how easily it could be reasoned that his finger was reattached with magic... but...

It still doesn't fit.

He takes a moment to study his back, where many long and deep scars run across it, and he considers the gap in his memories. He does recall talking to Azul about them... The look on the staff member's face as they drew back the whip, the way Jamil had tensed in anticipation, and then-

... it's... as though someone sliced that entire moment from his mind. Remembering talking about something he can't recall happening is a bit uncanny. Especially given the physical evidence.

So, he begins seeking the only person he knows is missing a finger. Idly, he rubs at the relevant hand, his mind buzzing with so many thoughts and questions. Hopefully, it won't be too difficult to find that man.
Edited 2023-04-21 17:49 (UTC)
perfectly_average: (349)

Re: cw: def child abuse talk in here

[personal profile] perfectly_average 2023-05-22 03:37 pm (UTC)(link)
"That goes both ways-!"

Jamil starts, an agitated look matching his voice before it sinks in; that's the very person he'd been looking for! He lets out a soft sound of frustration, shaking his head. Working through this will require working with the person, won't it? He folds his arms over his chest before lifting a hand and wiggling his pinky finger a bit.

"Missing anything?"