Alex «Havok» Summers (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
tolaywaste) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
lastvoyageslogs2014-04-06 04:11 pm
tolaywaste) wrote in lastvoyageslogs2014-04-06 04:11 pm
Entry tags:
close your eyes & take a big deep breath
WHO: Alex Summers & Aeryn Sun
WHAT: Warden-inmate chitchats.
WHERE: The CES.
WHEN: Sunday, April 6, afternoon.
WARNING(S): None that I know of, will warn in comment headers if anything comes up!
Alex has felt - something lately. Something, definitely. What, not sure. Like most of his anchors are pulled up; like he's listing. Like he's doing poorly, that much is for sure. Like Aeryn needs more.
He doesn't show her this. He doesn't tell anyone. He just watches her more closely and tries to show her, in small ways, how much it means that he is the one who's been chosen to help her forge a path.
They eat together regularly; they train and exercise together. He does not monopolize her time, but he takes up a lot of it, trying to teach her small things along the way, one little bit at a time, not shoving too much down her throat at once.
"Sometimes I worry about you," he says finally, on one of their runs through the CES, which today manifests as a broad, rocky beach - they have to dodge everything from pebbles to boulders on their way down the shore. Immediately after saying it, he thinks he shouldn't have. But it's mostly true. Sometimes he worries about both of them.
Clearing his throat, he looks up at the cloudy sky.
"Nice day, anyway." Like that'll make what he said not have been said. Like it'll make this any less awkward.
WHAT: Warden-inmate chitchats.
WHERE: The CES.
WHEN: Sunday, April 6, afternoon.
WARNING(S): None that I know of, will warn in comment headers if anything comes up!
Alex has felt - something lately. Something, definitely. What, not sure. Like most of his anchors are pulled up; like he's listing. Like he's doing poorly, that much is for sure. Like Aeryn needs more.
He doesn't show her this. He doesn't tell anyone. He just watches her more closely and tries to show her, in small ways, how much it means that he is the one who's been chosen to help her forge a path.
They eat together regularly; they train and exercise together. He does not monopolize her time, but he takes up a lot of it, trying to teach her small things along the way, one little bit at a time, not shoving too much down her throat at once.
"Sometimes I worry about you," he says finally, on one of their runs through the CES, which today manifests as a broad, rocky beach - they have to dodge everything from pebbles to boulders on their way down the shore. Immediately after saying it, he thinks he shouldn't have. But it's mostly true. Sometimes he worries about both of them.
Clearing his throat, he looks up at the cloudy sky.
"Nice day, anyway." Like that'll make what he said not have been said. Like it'll make this any less awkward.
no subject
"I could say that I worry about you also." She doesn't think she's supposed to say that, or worry about him for that matter. Yet she does. Not only because of Scorpius and the issues he presents. "And I do."
She can't just ask why he would worry about her - she can think of several reasons, not the least of which being that his role as her guide through this...process, as it were, means he's supposed to worry about her.
"I will not lie and say that I am fine. I am not certain what fine would look or feel like."
no subject
That's why he likes her. That's what he's liked about all three of them - Bruce, Oliver, and Aeryn. They wouldn't ever let go. They wouldn't ever give up on him. Just on themselves.
They should know better than to think he'd give up on them.
"I don't." He clears his throat again. "I don't think anybody really knows what 'fine' is. I think it's just another stupid made-up standard. I don't need you to be fine, I just need to know that - if there's something I can be doing. That I'm doing it."
He failed Oliver. He doesn't want to fail Aeryn. He can't do that again.
no subject
"I am the only one holding myself back. That's not...easy to say. Because I am not pleased with it. My concern lies in fear. Not of Scorpius, to be clear." A sigh. "I am finding new ways to define who I am and I do not like that I have to do it at all. Part of me misses the certainty of knowing who and what I am without doubt."
Aeryn frowns in thought. "Do you worry that I won't graduate? I'm worried about what happens after."
no subject
He smiles at her, a little smile like the sun rising. One of those smiles she doesn't have to acknowledge if she doesn't want to. Sometimes it's hard to acknowledge that other people are proud of you; he should know.
"I know. I'm just glad you know it. You've come a long way, you know?"
His smile falls a little, but he answers anyway. He has to be honest with her. "I know you will, if this place lets you. But I had - Oliver, he was my inmate before you. He disappeared. I don't think you will, but sometimes I think about it. What ifs."
What if he fails her, too.
no subject
She makes a little 'ah' of recognition. Hadn't Nathan had similar feelings when his first inmate had vanished? Aeryn had been close to the woman at first, but had grown frustrated with her circular way of thinking. "That is not within either of our control. It would be better if you didn't concern yourself with it too much."
But it's a good thing to consider. That her time might be limited, and waiting may not be ideal in the long run. "I have no plan of leaving before we're done."
no subject
He doesn't let his frustration show, just keeps moving in silence for a minute. Then, "You have no plan to leave, but it's out of our control." He gives her a sideways smile. "You see where the concern comes in. I'm just saying. I want to be around to see you become . . . the woman Crichton knows, I guess. You already are. But I want to see more of her. The hero."
Hero is such an overused word. But he thinks it's apt for Aeryn Sun.