Ben / X5-493 (
warisart) wrote in
lastvoyageslogs2013-09-06 10:26 pm
Entry tags:
- A Flood in the Life : Feeling My Way Through the Darkness -
WHO: Ben/X5-493, Alex Summers, Abigail Hobbs, Anya Lehnsherr, Richard B. Riddick, the Risen Emperor, and YOU
WHAT: Memory Sharing
WHEN: All days of the flood
WHERE: All over
WARNINGS: Will be handed out individually but IN GENERAL: Lots and lots of institutional child abuse, insanity, violence (both in general and against children in particular), Ben. Just. Ben.
NOTE: I have set up the closed threadstarters kind of like dream sequences, and they are all third person POV unless it would work better for you to use first person for your character. They are interactive and, this one time only, your character may be privy to as much or as little of the meta in the writing as you would like, though keeping in mind that all memories will be colored by what Ben is thinking and feeling as they progress. Ben can answer questions and will talk to your character, but he won't appear to be paying much attention to them and the memory will proceed to its finish unaltered by anything your character does. If I've made a mistake somewhere, you are confused, or would like to do this differently somehow, please contact me!
WHAT: Memory Sharing
WHEN: All days of the flood
WHERE: All over
WARNINGS: Will be handed out individually but IN GENERAL: Lots and lots of institutional child abuse, insanity, violence (both in general and against children in particular), Ben. Just. Ben.
NOTE: I have set up the closed threadstarters kind of like dream sequences, and they are all third person POV unless it would work better for you to use first person for your character. They are interactive and, this one time only, your character may be privy to as much or as little of the meta in the writing as you would like, though keeping in mind that all memories will be colored by what Ben is thinking and feeling as they progress. Ben can answer questions and will talk to your character, but he won't appear to be paying much attention to them and the memory will proceed to its finish unaltered by anything your character does. If I've made a mistake somewhere, you are confused, or would like to do this differently somehow, please contact me!

Closed to Alex : CW for institutionalized abuse of children
They're mindless, violent creatures, and they bang around in their metal rooms at all hours of the day, and they're hungry. Even when they aren't scraping their claws at the bars on the tiny slot used to slide food and water in, they're pacing incessantly, because these creatures? Have no end to their sentence.
Ben sits on the floor in the exact center of the back wall, huddled in his grey cotton shift with his knees drawn up to his chest, staring down at the floor and trying not to shake.
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Alex raises his head from where he's bowed it, the light from the single tiny window shining on his bared shoulders. He sees this boy on the other side of the cell, and around them is the endless scuffling of monsters.
This boy is so young. Too young to be here. His presence doesn't feel quite right, a broken piece in a very simple jigsaw, but Alex looks at him anyway. Doesn't speak. Too afraid to.
Too angry and tired to do much of anything at all.
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This is, of course, the point.
It's a strange sensation, knowing at once that he doesn't know this person and that he does; that he's alone in solitary and that he's standing next to his friend on the Barge and he's sitting in a cell with him in his world's, his prison's, version of solitary. One of them is real. As the memories overlap, he can't say for certain which one it is.
The youngest, most terrified version of him stares at Alex, and when he speaks in the real world, the child speaks too. "Why did you let them do this to you?"
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"To keep everyone safe," both of him says, both in the tones of a man in a trance. Hypnotized. Reality and ex-reality bleed together as he looks at Ben in both. It's nauseating. This boy so small and this man so broken, both of whom he feels an indescribable urge to protect.
"But you never had a choice." This is only the version of him that is nominally an adult, the one who knows better; the one in the dark prison stares blankly. "You never had a choice, I know."
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He knows what is happening on the solitary level of Manticore, so Ben carefully, gently blocks it out of his own perception - it's as easy as it ever is, he does it daily, sometimes more, along with everything from before the escape - and focuses on what he can see of Alex's memory instead.
He, of course, can't hear or see or smell or know anything that Alex did not himself, but he doesn't need his transgenic hearing to know there are men nearby in other cells, just not speaking, not moving. He cocks his head, back to the silently staring spectre of his own childhood, and says, "With your power, even here you might have accidentally harmed someone. You have to know that. Yet you stayed."
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Closed to Abigail : CW for insanity and reference to child abuse
Other days he sees only Nomlies, and has to remind himself not to kill them all.
It's been nine years since he escaped Manticore with his unit, and it's not getting any easier to remember the ever changing rules of his new existence, to find his way through the maze set before him. Zack has been to visit him several times, he's helped set him up with a job and an apartment and told him what he needs to do, but he always goes away again and Ben can't keep it straight. Zack says the others have managed it, are living happily. Ben still feels like he's standing in a herd of sheep waiting to become one but unable to.
Today is one of the worse days, so he's come here, to the familiarity of the hospital he can look at from the outside, to see what they tell him today. Is he one of them? Is he different enough to be repulsed by them? Is today the day he picks up the purpose he once had and the Lady's favor and cleans the Nomlies from the grounds? He lingers across the street in a vacant doorway, arms folded tightly over his chest, shoulders and spine military-straight and eyes intent for the one sign that will tell him above all others what to do.
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Her head whirls with Ben's, the strange logic of his mind click-clicking along with her own confusion and fear to create a dangerous, volatile concoction. She wonders vaguely if he is going to kill someone, hopes a little bit that he will.
But despite her fear, despite her uncertainty, despite everything, she stands beside him, looking up to him for cues. If he's a monster in this memory, it'll be even easier to follow them, to do what he wants. She'd be happy to.
Doesn't mean she's not afraid.
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He's singled out a particularly strange-acting man at the corner of the yard: two employees are watching him, their sickly green scrubs marking them out clearly from the patients' blue, but he's not doing much that they seem to care about. He's older than Ben - but most of them are - and kneeling, alternately digging furiously at the dirt with a stick and pausing, bent over with his head cocked, to listen to nothing that Ben can discern. Then he smiles and begins digging again.
When he pushes to his feet and, taking his stick with him, moves to a different part of the yard, Ben follows. He goes from stationary to moving as silently and smoothly as a jungle cat, backing three steps to the narrow path down the alley so he doesn't have to move into plain view on the sidewalk and pacing him, crossing the street to another doorway without much regard given for traffic. There isn't much anyway. Not down here.
The man goes to his knees again after searching the ground for a while, but this time he lays the stick down and stares at it intently. Ben watches, breathing out slowly, and then asks quietly, "Are you searching for Her?"
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Once they get closer, she watches the man, too, her expression not changing when she hears Ben's question. It's not all that surprising, really. That's the sort of question he would ask, especially given the fact that he appears to be - ha - pre-redemption.
She stands beside him with her head on one side and her hands clasped behind her back.
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Closed to Anya : CW for insanity and reference to child abuse
But Zack has been gone for weeks and when he's not on the job, everything about this world is still so confusing. Humans avoid him. Police officers take long looks at him. The noise echoes against his skull until it's all he can hear, and the lights are too bright, the air too thick, and he can't feel Her anywhere in this overpopulated mess. Today it's raining, and that in and of itself isn't a problem for him, but it saturates every odor and surface around him and makes the city - Chicago, he remembers that much anyway - twice as heady to his transgenic senses. He's coming home late in the morning, to the apartment where he's supposed to wait for Zack, and still uncertain from the events of the night. Someone had tried to break into one of the warehouses and Ben had caught him, and when he refused to submit, Ben had broken his arm.
His employer was upset. Something about insurance and liability, yet another thing Ben doesn't understand. He did his duty. He stopped the man. He's still wrong.
Ben is shaking the water back from his eyes, bent over where he's operating the key and lock to the door, when the man walks up too quickly on him from the side.
"Hey!" The voice is unfamiliar and sharp, a punch against Ben's consciousness, and he goes instantly tense with the resulting adrenaline spike. Glancing sidelong, Ben straightens up but doesn't answer. "You got money for me, freak? You're overdue."
Individually, Ben understands all the words but they make no sense to him strung together like that. His pulse speeds up, and all he does is stare back at the man he thinks he should know but doesn't.
Closed to Anya : CW for insanity and reference to child abuse
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Ben waits for an order without noticing himself doing it, because the words don't make any sense. He doesn't know how long they look at each other but it must be too long - the man shoves him, hard, in the chest. Ben sways with the pressure, unconcerned by it, though his muscles tense to keep him upright and more or less in place.
"Hey spacecase, are you on something?" More words that don't make sense. Ben's eyes narrow, and he waits. "You know you can't bring that shit in here." Ben hasn't brought anything but his clothing and his sector pass, the one with his face and someone else's name on it; he doesn't know what the man is talking about, what's expected from him. He listens, now, for Her to tell him what he should do, but the Lady is silent as ever. "And whatever you're using to buy it is mine, two months due, right now." The man shoves Ben again, and this time he reacts.
The X5 moves faster than the human eye can follow; but Anya isn't seeing with human eyes, and so the lift of the landlord's arm towards him seems to be in slow motion, at least compared to how Ben moves in response. He takes hold of the man's hand by reaching over his wrist, wrapping his fingers around his thumb, yanking back and down and shoving forward. There, finally, something that makes sense: the man's arm bends, his body folds, the bone cracks exactly as it's meant to, easily and neatly with this pressure at this angle. The man starts to scream as the world speeds back up to regular pace again. Ben knocks him out with a swift, but not blurred, elbow to the back of his head, and pulls him along into the apartment as he slumps into dead weight.
It's not until the door is closed and Ben is looking down at him that Ben remembers, he's not supposed to do this, no matter how right and simple it seems.
He's not sure what, then, he's supposed to do.
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Closed to Riddick : CW for violence against children, institutionalized abuse of children
She's still jerking uncontrollably when the door opens and the flashlights sweep over the gathered unit, not a one of them older than eleven, all dressed in unisex cotton grey shifts, hair shortshorn,all terrified. Ben knows then that she's gone, that they're done, and he's frozen in place as the guards file into the room with the guns trained on his brothers and sisters.
"Stand back," comes the order, though they're all already backing up anyway, unwilling to be caught in the crossfire, but not happy about it. All but Eva, who stays crouched beside Max, glaring up into the bright light with one hand shading her eyes. He reaches for Max, and that's when it happens.
Eva blurs, hand closing on the guard's wrist, yanking him forward and off balance. Everyone is taken by surprise but she keeps going, pushing smoothly to a stand even as her free hand yanks the handgun out of the guard's thigh holster, her momentum sending him to the floor behind her where she kicks at the back of his neck with one bare foot, and he lays very still.
She only stops, tall and slender and blonde-haired and blue-eyed with strong, clean features, arms steady and extended with the gun in them, feet shoulder's width apart, between the men and her sister. Zack is moving forward. Ben is frozen, unbelieving, numb.
The gun shot is loud and almost instant. Eva crumples.
Closed to Riddick : CW death, happens in shiny-eye-ovision
"Come with me," you tell her, and the unease you've been feeling clicks into place.
This is when you understand that she's like you, or that you're like her, or that something has happened. This is when you understand you care, feel a surge of the empathy the doc in Tangiers told you you were incapable of when he diagnosed you with (sociopathic tendencies and a primitive fight or flight response).
She has to come with you because you cannot watch her die. You don't know why. She's just a pilot, a woman who was ready to end your life to save hers. You respect that, but you don't know why this switch in your brain has flipped, you didn't even know you had this switch in your brain.
You feel her rage, her terror, she screams that she won't leave them. She's going back for them. Back into the dark.
And you have to come with her.
(When she comes for you and you're bleeding in the rain, surrounded by whooping hammerheads, when she grabs you, you feel grateful like you never have before.
when she's ripped out of your arms it hurts like it never has before.
This is the first time you have known family, and you don't even know a word for it yet, only it's like you died too.
This is the first time you have really felt grief.
You limp back to the ship in the dark and don't know how to patch up the hole in your mind hemoraging sorrow.)
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It's dark, though this is no problem for transgenic eyes; the patrol coming down the hall is more of a problem, semi-automatic rifles already out and at their shoulders. There's no time to hesitate. Zack signals them out the window and they all throw themselves against it. They fall into the drifting snow, barefoot and barely clothed but determined, and scatter for the trees. It's too late to turn back now. Eva is dead, Jack is gone, and they're all going to be punished if they're caught now. The sirens start up, the search dogs begin barking, there are snowmobiles whining to life at the perimeter as orders are barked; thirteen child soldiers make a break for it. One turns back. The rest will not be seen for almost a decade.
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Ben, expression closed down and blank except where his eyes are blown wide, steps back smartly from where he and Riddick have had a rare moment of contact while working side by side at the prep counter. It takes him a moment to sort out which memory is which, which loss is his to bear and which he was given a mere glimpse of for a moment.
His bright brown eyes are steady on his friend while he does so, taking in his reaction as well, trying to decide what to do with his own.
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"Eva."
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Closed to the Emperor : CW for institutionalized abuse of children
Today is Sunday. To many people that Ben will not learn about for several years, this means it is a day of rest. All it means to Ben is that beyond the hour of laps at 0500, showers at 0610, and the morning meal at 0630. At 0700 is Languages, 0900 is Mathematics, 1100 is another half hour of laps, the midday meal at 1200, and two hours of Electronics at 1300.
Then, at 1500, is endurance training.
There is a pool at Manticore. Sometimes it's used for swimming laps, sometimes for specialized recovery, and sometimes for underwater training maneuvers. There are, however, fifteen sets of leg cuffs at the bottom of one side, bolted into the tile flooring and secured with cables. Ben, along with the rest of his unit, is in the pool, far enough under the water to touch the bottom, holding his breath.
If even one of them cannot stay under for the full length of time today, all of them will be secured into the cuffs, and they will be forced to find a way to do it anyway.
Closed to the Emperor : CW for institutionalized abuse of children
(This is bizarre. He has lived under regimentation, at medical school, but never with this totality, and never as a child. He has authorized brutal training methods - and yet, again, never for children. He has seen children used as slaves, but as labor, as some venture with immediate results in exchanged for the exploitation. He doesn't understand the purpose this serves.)
He does not need to understand; he obeys.
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Ben is not the weakest. Today, Jondy is. Jondy, who is sweet and even-tempered but already struggling not to open her mouth and gasp for air.
Zack and Eva are too far away to see, sandwiching Jack between them, who normally is the first to fail this test. The others are distracted with themselves. Ben's eyes find the Emperor's beside him, dart purposefully towards Jondy; repeat. They can't use the hand signals Manticore taught them or the handlers will know.
Jondy, her hands fluttering in building panic in the water beside her as she fights her body's natural urge to push to the surface, has already begun to lose air when Ben drifts close enough to reach her. He seizes her wrist, and holds her so her feet are firmly against the bottom of the pool.
For now, she panics. Later, she'll be grateful.
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He is a mirror, he is an accomplice, he understands the message in the moment it is given. He is holding her wrist from the other side, feels her pulse jumping under his fingers.
(The part of him that was a doctor counts instinctively. Slow for a panicking human, fast for the dead. For a transgenic doing endurance, also fast. The awareness of her desperation is instinctive and interstitial, a corroborated by all sources.
It is delicately familiar, as familiar as his sister's face picked out on a coin or a laser-carved cameo, all thin relief and compressed detail. The timbre of closeness is different, camaraderie rather than responsibility, but hurting his people to help them, because he must, because the other options are worse, unflinching - this he understands.)
Later, she'll be grateful.
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OPEN
Mess hall/kitchens
It's not the action itself; the memory switch is fairly unimpressive, as far as some of the floods they've gone through. It's not as flashy as everyone turning into animals or bursting into song, but the possibility of pain is there as it always is, and Beatrix knows the people she loves have no shortage of painful memories.
A large percentage of the passengers have begun to avoid all contact when they figured out the effects, but not Beatrix and not today. She is wandering the ship looking for her people, some powerful caretaker's urge spurring her to make sure she can protect them -- even if she can't.
The mess hall is all but empty between shifts like this, only a few people milling around to grab snacks. None of them catch her interest and she walks past them to the door to the kitchen, knocking on the frame instead of entering.
"Ben, are you in here?"
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And then of course, there are those that have come looking for him. He's in the kitchen. He's always in the kitchen. Her voice draws him around the corner beside the flattop grill, first alert and then softening somehow. He stays where he is, clearly visible.
"Hello, Beatrix. May I help you?"
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It's his dedication to his responsibilities that made Beatrix worry about Ben in the first place, wondering how he's doing with so many people depending on him and coming in close contact. She knows Ben's not likely to abandon his post due to someone else's memories but she anticipates sharing would be hard on him.
Still, Ben is strong and loyal and dependable, sweet as he can be even though he doesn't see that. She can recognize the qualities in him so easily it seems impossible that others don't, as it's some protective pride that makes her prize him so. The same type she'd had for her little girl the instant she found out about her, when that pregnancy test had turned blue.
She’d stood there in astonishment, mouth hanging open, a thousand thoughts racing through her head as her heartbeat quickened until she thought it would burst. Then the bell outside her hotel room suite rang, and she peered through the peephole to see a young Asian woman bearing a large bouquet of flowers on the other side. “Hello, can I help you?”
“Hello, I’m Karen Kim, I’m the hospitality manager for the hotel, I have a welcome gift from the management.”
“Uh, that’s nice, ah--” The pregnancy test slipped from her hand and onto the floor, and she leaned down from the peephole to pick it up. “Can you just leave it by the door --”
The space immediately above her exploded, a spray of buckshot blowing a fist-sized hole through the door right where her chest had been moments before. She rolled out of the way, ghosting into the bathroom as she heard the woman kick open the door to follow her, and somehow her heart pounded like a drum in her chest, echoing hard in her ears, so loud she can barely keep track of the woman’s footsteps. It’s this anxiety that causes her to miscalculate, to throw open the door a second too early and miss.
She’s never thrown a knife that hard before but the woman blocks it with the butt of her shotgun, giving Beatrix just enough time to dive for the ground and flip out of the way of a fresh shot. It peppered through the door, light shining through the holes into the dim suite. She had half a second to get across the room behind the bed, to the nightstand where she had stashed her .45, and as she aimed -- and the woman aimed back at her -- she had never been as frightened in her life.
Her shoulders were shaking but her hands were somehow steady, her body -- her training -- for perhaps this last time taking over and guiding her instinct to survive. “You pretty good with that shotgun?” she growled, staring down the woman with unblinking eyes.
The woman considered her for a second before she answered with a sneer. “Not that I have to be at this range, but I‘m a fuckin’ surgeon with this shotgun.”
“Well guess what,, bitch,” she breathed, her voice dropping to a dangerous low. “I’m better than Annie Oakley and I got you right in my sight.”
“I could blow your fuckin’ head off.”
“Not before I put one right between your eyes,” she countered, and then came the difficult part. “So let’s talk.
“Karen, I just found out, right now, not a moment before you blew a hole through the door, that I’m pregnant.”
The woman’s aim stayed true, but her finger didn’t move on the trigger. “What is this?”
“On the floor by the door is a strip that says I’m pregnant.”
“Bullshit.”
Beatrix laughed. “Any other time you’d be 100% right. This time, you’re 100% wrong.” She moved to right herself, keeping Karen in her sights. “I’m the deadliest woman in the world,” she intoned. “But right now?“ Her voice cracked and became rushed, as she pushed out the truth to this strange enemy: “I’m just scared shitless for my baby. Please, just look at the strip.” Karen stayed where she was. “Please!”
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