Horatio Hornblower (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sssiiiiirrrrr) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
lastvoyages2015-11-24 08:27 pm
sssiiiiirrrrr) wrote in lastvoyages2015-11-24 08:27 pm
Text and Spam - ATTENTION FELLOW CITIZENS...
[It is one of the small pleasures of Hornblower's life to write complaining letters to the general community. This one is posted, in delicately handwritten text, onto the network at perhaps three in the morning.]
My dear friends and neighbors,
With the growth of our small community, has come a surge in late night shenanigans and tomfoolery. The sounds of carousing in the street long after sundown have interfered grievously with my nightly rest, and the discharge of weapons after dark has much distressed my animals (as well as no doubt, as those livestock which reside within our township).
And so I am calling upon our elected officials to tackle this grievous antisocial behavior at once. Whether that is done by enforcing a curfew, curtailing the establishment of further late night establishments, or merely by properly patrolling our streets at night, I leave to them.
For the good of our community though, action must be taken!
Yours faithfully,
Horatio Hornblower.
[ooc: please feel free to assume, if your character has done something vaguely irritating or offensive to cats in public in the past, that they have received personalized letters of complaint before. Horatio is not at all above sending these as well.
He's a very lonely man okay.]
[Open Spam Options:]
[Horatio himself, lives in a comfortable homestead, which he built with his partner Archie, when they first came to town a little under ten years ago. The two men struck gold and were all set to make a happy fortune together, when Archie tragically died in a mining accident.
Since then Horatio has become increasingly reclusive, and is known mostly now for his regular letters of complaint about the world, and for his many, many cats.
He does leave his house on occasion. Either about town, where he runs furtive errands for himself and his dozens of cats, or occasionally at the church, where he visits Archie's grave.
Most reliably however, he can be found shuttered away in his home, where he is a polite but skittish host. Or, once a night, on his back doorstep where he leaves out a saucer of water and a small plate of food, to alleviate the hunger of other lonely animals.
And of course, to encourage bears and mountain lions to come into town sniffing for food. As sometimes happens.]
My dear friends and neighbors,
With the growth of our small community, has come a surge in late night shenanigans and tomfoolery. The sounds of carousing in the street long after sundown have interfered grievously with my nightly rest, and the discharge of weapons after dark has much distressed my animals (as well as no doubt, as those livestock which reside within our township).
And so I am calling upon our elected officials to tackle this grievous antisocial behavior at once. Whether that is done by enforcing a curfew, curtailing the establishment of further late night establishments, or merely by properly patrolling our streets at night, I leave to them.
For the good of our community though, action must be taken!
Yours faithfully,
Horatio Hornblower.
[ooc: please feel free to assume, if your character has done something vaguely irritating or offensive to cats in public in the past, that they have received personalized letters of complaint before. Horatio is not at all above sending these as well.
He's a very lonely man okay.]
[Open Spam Options:]
[Horatio himself, lives in a comfortable homestead, which he built with his partner Archie, when they first came to town a little under ten years ago. The two men struck gold and were all set to make a happy fortune together, when Archie tragically died in a mining accident.
Since then Horatio has become increasingly reclusive, and is known mostly now for his regular letters of complaint about the world, and for his many, many cats.
He does leave his house on occasion. Either about town, where he runs furtive errands for himself and his dozens of cats, or occasionally at the church, where he visits Archie's grave.
Most reliably however, he can be found shuttered away in his home, where he is a polite but skittish host. Or, once a night, on his back doorstep where he leaves out a saucer of water and a small plate of food, to alleviate the hunger of other lonely animals.
And of course, to encourage bears and mountain lions to come into town sniffing for food. As sometimes happens.]
[Spam: your back doorstep]
Evenin', Mister Hornblowey.
[It is evening, so he has finally gotten that right. Horatio, on the other hand, gets two six shooters pointed expertly right at him.]
It seems I'll be takin' any writtin' supplies you've got, alla yer money, and that kitty cat.
[Frank inclines his head towards a calico lounging indifferently inside.]
...'lessin' you got you one fluffier.
[Spam: your back doorstep]
Money and writing supplies. If you'll excuse me, I'll just... they're upstairs, I'll just fetch them...
[And he reaches for the door, because Victor will surely trust him to just close the door over so he can nip upstairs to get his money and writing supplies. It's not like he's going to do anything crazy like bolting it fast and never coming out again!]
[Spam: your back doorstep]
He also shoves his leg in the door-jamb so it can't close. He cocks on of his guns. It makes a satisfyingly loud click.]
I don't think you wanna step that two-step. Reach for the skies, back up real slow-like, and tell me that cat's name if'n you don't want no troubles.
no subject
You cannot steal a cat, Sir! You cannot own one if it doesn't wish to be owned. They are free spirits and they choose to live here of their own volition!
[And now he has to back up slowly, because a ginger moggy and a scrawny black tom have come to wind lovingly around his ankles. Hey dad. Whatcha doin' dad? Backin' up slowly? Huh?]
no subject
That is right thought provokin' and heartwarmin', but it gets real dark on them plains and I crave companionship! Also there's folks 'round here that've had it with all what you write! Whatever it is. I don't read.
no subject
No! You are not taking any of them out onto the dark and lonely plains! They are sensitive!
[At this point, the black tom gives a plaintive yowl, and Horatio begins lowering his arms. Every single instinct he has is telling him to scoop his precious child up into his arms, but... there are still two guns pointed at him.]
And I'll have you know that my missives are for the good of this whole community! Lawless bandit intruders included!
no subject
How d'you know one of 'em ain't got a adventuresome streak? Maybe you're smotherin' 'em!
no subject
[Victor doesn't seem like he's going to stop him, so Horatio continues reaching down and scoops the black tom cat up in his arms, stroking his little head soothingly.]
If you wish to sit with them and have a glass of gin with me then you may, but I will not surrender any of them for abduction. You would have to shoot my first, Sir.
no subject
[Frank levels a gun at each of Horatio's knees, fingers just beginning to depress the triggers, when-...]
Hang on: did you say gin?
no subject
[Says Horatio, who right now is assuming that Frank has just lowered his guns, rather than pointed them at his knees.]
Gin and Slim, if you so desire.
[Because this fantastical wild wild west world, has totally invented slimline tonic.]
no subject
S'pose I could always shoot you afters...
[Back doorstep]
He creeps up to investigate, making sure it smells safe, just in case. He could be being lured in to sell to the highest bidder, once he felt safe enough... but really, he's just hungry and tired and free food is too hard to resist.]
[Back doorstep]
He pushes the door open with a noisy clatter, and is about to set down his second tray, when he finds himself face to face with... not a cat, but a raccoon...
A racoon with bright eyes, a gleam of intelligence on his little face, and a bundle of broken clocks strapped to his back.]
Hello. [Horatio says, a little weakly. Then, in a drunken little lurch, sets down the second tray of food.] This-- really, I leave it for cats, but if you're hungry, I suppose you may as well.
no subject
So much for even pretending to be a normal raccoon. At least this time, he definitely did that on purpose, because he's curious what this staggering, funny-smelling man will do.]
[text]
[Doggett is a fan of carousing in the street, thank you very much. She hopes this guy is one of the people she almost ran over yesterday, while she was riding through town at a reckless gallop.]
[text]
[HOW DARE YOU CAROUSE!]
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Maybe you should move if you want peace and quiet all the damn time.
[text]
And I would not surrender my precious home to lawless out of towners such as yourself.
[text]
no subject
I mean, an elected official.
no subject
[aka: many years ago, in a much smaller settlement a room of maybe thirty people voted by show of hands on who got to be mayor, who got to be sheriff, and who got to fulfill a handful of other duties that seemed essential at the time.
HORATIO HOLDS THOSE MEN TO THEIR RESPONSIBILITIES EVEN NOW!!! >:( ]
no subject
[Proposes Alfie, stroking his beard.]
What are you, then?
no subject
[The dutifully elected mayor!!!]
I'm not anything. I just live here.
no subject
We should have an election.
no subject
Maybe you should be Mayor? What are you, Sir?
no subject
[For a number of reasons.]
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[Not black. But they don't only target the blacks, do they?]
Well, unless they are citizens of this township, willing to cast their votes, then I don't think those men should have any say in the matter.
no subject
Text
Unfortunately, not all of us are allowed those privileges. [Unless, of course, they run around in a silly mask. That girl will be the death of her.]
However, I'll do what I can to discourage explosive shenanigans.
How are the cats?
Text
The cats don't mind general carousing, but gunfire, explosions... those noises trouble them. They're very sensitive creatures.
no subject
202 would normally have too much pride to steal from cats - but tonight hunger is stronger. A shape in the dark that is too misshapen to be human and far too large to be a cat creeps just into sight.
Both plates begin to glow and quiver, then lift off of the porch seemingly of their own accord.]
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noone cares