text; (filtered to everyone EXCEPT allan)

Went back to your old ways in what sense?

just
its barbie u kno ??? i had to do everything for her and because of her and thats fine she's gr8 but im trying to be ken not barbie-AND-ken

So what do you wish you did?

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A little while later.

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You're 63?

Yeah, I became part of the Mattel line-up in 1961. I guess we're supposed to have no discernible age but I've been around that long.

So you weren't born then.

Or were you-

...shit, you're like Allan.

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It sounds like getting over your ex would be a very good start.

yeah thats what im working on here with hilbert
i thought i was doing good at it until she was here last week

It's easy to ignore what you feel about someone when they're not there. If you were really together for that long, it's going to take time to put it behind you.

What do you want out of a relationship?

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By having fantastic sex, mostly.

[That's been the common defining feature of most of Norton's relationships, including boyfriends he's had that he didn't even like very much. Although thinking about it a moment further, he decides he can raise his standards for "good."]

You should have each other's back as well, and not just in the sense of having in bed. You should be partners.

maybe thats what was wrong
barbie never rly had my back
so maybe i WASNT bad at being a boyfriend but barbie was bad at being a girlfriend????

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[Oh fuck he probably needs to take notes on this. Just casually keeping track of everything not private as much as he can.]

I mean... what did you do when you were with Barbie? Maybe it wasn't as shit as you thought?

Told her how great she is. Supported her. Complimented her all the time. Did whatever she asked. Always dressed in complimentary style and colours.

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[Abel has never met Ken, and he's never actually had a boyfriend, but manipulative co-pilots and a lot of day dreaming about what the perfect man would be like makes him an expert, right?

Though more so he gets what it's like to give everything to someone and not really get anything back.]

I don't think you should base your value and how good of a partner you are on what your ex thought or did to you. It might take some time, but maybe take a look at what you did and why you did it, if it made you happy? Have you ever heard of love languages?

Yeah. That's what my warden says, that I shouldn't find worth in other people. It's just hard when that's your whole reason for existing, you know? What's a love language?

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63 years of habits is hard to break but not impossible. Big difference.

[ just said casually while internally Hilbert is like "wait, boyfriend? It's got to be Allan, who else could it be. Allan knows about this, right? Please? Hopefully?" shit, he needs to message Eiffel. ]

It's so hard. I thought I was doing okay but I guess I'm not, am I? Sorry I'm a bad inmate. I'm not good at a lot of stuff.

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I'm not gonna speak to the boyfriend bit, cause I don't really have much experience with that word.

But I *do* think it's hard to narrow down what makes a good partner.

People are different.

They need different things.

Part of being good to someone is caring enough to find out what they need and then work towards providing that for them.

It can be really hard, cause a lot of the time it isn't obvious.

Or the other person doesn't know what they need.

So you just have to work on it together. That's the most important part.

o
i can do that i think

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Ok, first thing, talk to them. Figure out what they want. Then do that.

Easy.

Okay, but what if they say something like how I can do whatever I want because they like everything about me and there's nothing I could possible do that they wouldn't like?

( Because that's probably what Allan's going to say.

Hang on, Ken's having A Thought. )

Maybe ... I need to tell him that I like him for other reasons than just because he likes me so much. So he knows it's okay to not like everything I do?

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INFO: did you and Barbie ever exchange the words "I am your boyfriend and you are my girlfriend"?

yes????

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Speaking as a man with a long history of getting dumped who's making it work okay now:

- Say what you want out loud if it's important
- Spend time with them, both on planned dates and just being there to show them they're a priority
- Don't be afraid to break up with someone you've been with for 63 years who never cared?

wow thats rly helpful
im gonna write that down