[Video]

[At night up on deck, Nadja, crossed arms and irritated, gestures to her wonderful husband]

Hello everyone. We are Nadja and Laszlo and we are having a disagreement about what is currently to blame for the ship's problems. I say we are cursed. Laszlo's hat is to blame.

[As the camera pans, Laszlo can be seen standing nearby looking very stylish.]

This hat is one of my most prized possessions. I received it while draining the blood of a Bavarian witch hunter who obviously considered it a very powerful artifact, not to mention very cool. It's made entirely out of witch skin and appears to still be alive and occasionally bleeds. While some [head-tilt towards Nadja] might think it's Cursed, the fact remains that it's been on this ship for a year and a half, with nothing untoward occurring, making it very unlikely it's responsible for recent events.

And I say it has already caused one famine before, why give it the chance to start up again? So. We come to you, Barge....Bargians?

[fuck it, whatever]

We come to you to ask you who is right? Because every time my husband wears this hat, something bloody stupid terrible happens. Yet he doesn't want to believe in curses.

[Nadja, getting more agitated, has decided, you know what, fuck it. She walks over to Laszlo and throws his hat over the side of the ship]

There! You're welcome, ship! I have saved us from the rationing.

[Needless to say, Laszlo wasn't expecting that last bit.] What the bloody fuck?! [He steps quickly over to the deck railing himself, only to see the hat... following along? It having a tendency to always crawl back when Nadja's tried to get rid of it before.]

[Nadja, too, is stunned. What the fuck]

The stupid witch hat flies now.

[should have expected that one]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Speaking of the food shortage, I don't know if we'll be able to restock on blood in port, so we may need a more long term solution. Besides pitching a hat overboard.

I've donated before, and I'm sure some others on board would be willing as well. Have you made arrangements yet?

Well, I don’t think Dracula is eating at all but other than being very careful about our stores, not really.

Can he afford to not eat at all? The last thing we need is one of our vampires losing control because he's starving. That's how people wind up dead.

In any case... I can spare some blood if you want to drink a little of mine. How often do you need to drink, and how much do you need to get by?

If our blood stores run out completely, we'll try to organize enough donors to support the vampire population of the Barge. I think we'll have plenty. People here are surprisingly generous.

Re: [Private]

shamebat - 2021-11-08 19:12 (UTC) - Expand

[Anita hasn't had to use this thing in a "year", and she's back to being bad at it. So she's just going to stick with what setting was already going. So you get to see her face while she demands:]

Why the hell do you have that?

Edited 2021-11-08 18:19 (UTC)

[Confused, omg.]

Because it was given to me?

Pretty sure you just said you killed the last owner, so not given to you. Regardless, listen to your wife. That thing is very obviously evil.

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laszlo - 2021-11-08 19:37 (UTC) - Expand

the_executioner - 2021-11-08 19:43 (UTC) - Expand

laszlo - 2021-11-08 19:50 (UTC) - Expand

the_executioner - 2021-11-08 19:53 (UTC) - Expand

laszlo - 2021-11-08 19:55 (UTC) - Expand

the_executioner - 2021-11-08 19:58 (UTC) - Expand

laszlo - 2021-11-08 20:00 (UTC) - Expand

That hat looks like something the costume designer for a Harry Potter pantomime whipped up at the literal last minute. Obviously the bird who supplied the feathers for that hat was a dictator in a past life, because that's simply karmic punishment.

[ is Dorian done roasting the hat? No. ]

Ed Gein looks at that hat and thinks 'no, that's a little too much for me.'

Do you speak any language other than gibberish?

[Because none of that makes any sense to Laszlo whatsoever.]

You're vintage, aren't you. Those references were perfectly appropriate to that disaster of a hat!

laszlo - 2021-11-09 20:18 (UTC) - Expand

brushoff - 2021-11-09 22:48 (UTC) - Expand

laszlo - 2021-11-10 17:09 (UTC) - Expand

brushoff - 2021-11-10 17:58 (UTC) - Expand

[A hat made of skin that's so fresh it bleeds?

God almighty he wants to chew on it.]

Nadja, if you get sick of him ruining your furniture with that thing I'll take it.

I will fucking give it to you if it will stay put!

Oh I think I can hold it down for a while.

ukan - 2021-11-08 19:37 (UTC) - Expand

shamebat - 2021-11-08 19:38 (UTC) - Expand

ukan - 2021-11-08 19:53 (UTC) - Expand

shamebat - 2021-11-08 20:01 (UTC) - Expand

I had a locket once that would have gone splendidly with that hat. [In that it was also a hideous, cursed object.]

Have you tried lighting it on fire?

It survived being in a nightclub that burned to the ground with no ill effects. Does that answer your question?

Yes, but not in a way I would have liked.

Perhaps you should give that one away next time we're in port and switch to a nice fedora instead. [Object One, the cursed locket, had to be given away and accepted as a gift in order to be rid of it, or else it would keep coming back like a bad penny. Maybe that would work on the hat, too.]

laszlo - 2021-11-09 19:27 (UTC) - Expand

pharadyne - 2021-11-09 20:23 (UTC) - Expand

laszlo - 2021-11-11 19:27 (UTC) - Expand

[She feels lightheaded.]

Destroy it.

Burn it, or ask the Admiral, or pass it off to someone experienced. Loki could manage.

I have already tried burning it. I have tried burying it. It keeps crawling back, screaming at me.

[Lightheaded gives way to nauseous.]

Magic then. Loki's powerful and clever, he'd know something workable.

Re: private | text

shamebat - 2021-11-08 19:27 (UTC) - Expand

private | text

shadowsran - 2021-11-08 19:47 (UTC) - Expand

I'm with Nadja on this one. It's angry with you and it's ugly as shite.

On the contrary, it's very attached to me. And it's unique, not ugly.

That's the fucking problem! We're going to have to take it to some kind of curse breaker now.

laszlo - 2021-11-08 19:34 (UTC) - Expand

shamebat - 2021-11-08 19:40 (UTC) - Expand

laszlo - 2021-11-08 19:42 (UTC) - Expand

shamebat - 2021-11-08 19:43 (UTC) - Expand

laszlo - 2021-11-08 19:52 (UTC) - Expand

shamebat - 2021-11-08 20:00 (UTC) - Expand

It's attached to you 'cause it's cursed, love. And uniquely ugly.

laszlo - 2021-11-08 20:17 (UTC) - Expand

routemistress - 2021-11-08 20:29 (UTC) - Expand

That might actually be the most cursed thing I've ever seen. [ Which is saying something. ]

The stitching isn't very good, either.

Because it is fucking witch skin tied together with hair and guts.

They could have at least tanned it first. [ Amateurs. ]

[Private to Nadja]

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