[Video clicks on, and-- it’s Rhys Strongfork and Tiffany Dogget, standing in front of… what looks suspiciously like an office desk? It’s not immediately apparent where exactly these two are, but Rhys is looking pretty smug about something.]

Hey there Barge! Lots of new faces lately, so I guess this is half introduction and half announcement. For all you new people, hi, welcome aboard, hope no one’s murdered you yet. My name, [He puts a hand to his chest] Is Rhys Strongfork. Former warden, demoted like a year and a half ago. And this is my Colleague:

[He gestures towards Tiffany, pausing to let her introduce herself.]

Tiffany Doggett. Hey.

[She lifts a hand in a wave, then finger-guns back at Rhys; your show, buddy.

Rhys comes back in, smoothly:]

And today, we’re excited to be launching the barge’s inaugural inmate advocacy service: Persephone. And we wanted to just, recognize a few truths about the Barge, that form the basis of our organization.

[There’s a brief rustle, as he produces a sheet of paper to read from, before clearing his throat:]

The Admiral (or the barge itself) is a Terraphile, and humans born on earth are hugely overrepresented in the number of people brought here, and the values which are rewarded or punished.

There are a high number of wardens who are here to prevent universe ending cataclysms. They have only the illusion of choice about working on board.

Everyone on board, whether willingly or not, has their agency regularly stripped of them.

Almost everyone on board has - or will - experience being killed while on board. There will rarely be a resolution between the victim and their killer, particularly if one or both are unpaired.

There are no meaningful punishments available other than public shame and social exclusion, so these are used to excess.

Finally, you do not need to tell us how much worse your world was back home, or how good the barge has been for you. Maybe if you love the barge so much, you should marry it?

[This last statement is made with the exact same chipper corporate tone as the other points, and once he’s made it, Rhys looks up with an expression of abject innocence on his face.]

So, what are we going to do about any of it, right? So, me and Tiff have split Persephone’s focus into three key areas. We have our long term goals - like, deals for inmates, introducing an appeals system-- stuff that the Admiral is definitely going to ignore for multiple years. Then we have a couple of shorter term goals - like, putting together some kind of program to combat how institutionalising this place is, mayyyybe celebrating some non-human, earth festivals? If people are into that? And our third focus will be on providing day to day services to make the barge suck less. So…

[He lifts up a finger.]

Service number one? Access. That means no questions asked access to the enclosure, the lounge, and to ports for any inmate who needs it.

[He lifts a second finger.]

Number two? Mediation. Look-- [A pause here, and for once in this wildly overprepared schpiel, Rhys actually looks kind of uncomfortable.] We get attacked here. We get killed here. And sometimes there’s an explanation, and sometimes it’s just the barge, but I have never had a warden reach out to me after their inmate did-- whatever they did to me. If I ever wanted to reconnect with that person, I had to put myself face to face with someone who just hurt me badly, and if they wanted to make it right then they had to put me in that situation while I was probably still all fucked up about it, and there’s never been another way of doing it offered to us, and it sucks. So, yeah-- doesn’t have to be someone who murdered you, could be your warden, could be someone who you murdered and want to fix things with, but if you want like, a buffer for any of the millions of shitty conversations that we need to have here, then hit us up. We’ll try and take the pressure off.

[He finally lifts a third finger.]

The third service we want to offer is advocacy. There is stuff on this ship that wardens control access too, and that we can’t just open access too. Stuff like healthcare, access to some of the specific rooms, and-- when you’re paired with someone, they have a crazy amount of control over you. So, if you need backup raising an issue with them, or someone to do an awkward meeting with you, or-- if you just killed the whole ship and no one else will eat breakfast with you? Well-- come get breakfast with us. We’re here for it.

Anyway, we’re currently operating out of my cabin, level eight, room twenty. Office hours are posted on the door, so-- drop in if you need us, or you have any questions, or you want to help out with any of it.

[Statement finally made, he lifts two fingers in a salute, and the feed abruptly cuts off. ]

[OPEN SPAM]

[There absolutely are office hours posted on his cabin door now, and Rhys will be hanging around in his now unlocked cabin, honestly mostly just hanging out killing time, in case anyone decides to take them up on any of this.]