therushingsky (
therushingsky) wrote in
lastvoyages2020-09-14 11:44 am
Entry tags:
Video
[Video clicks on, and Rhys has had this egg for a whole thirty minutes but he already has tired eyed dad vibes. He's sitting down, with the egg resting lightly on his knee, held in place with an arm around it's-- self. And yes, he is gently bouncing it.]
Hey. So, full disclosure, I've held like, two babies in my life and it's always terrifying. I picked this thing up like an hour ago and ever since I've been completely certain that I'm going to drop it, or fall on it, or hold it too tight and break it. I really just wanna wrap you in bubble wrap and stick you in an armoured incubator, but you don't want that do you? Do you? Nooooo, you don't want that.
[The last few lines are clearly directed at the egg. His baby! Rhys has to drag his attention back to the main Barge.]
Anyway, I can't be the only one just-- full of dread right now? How are you guys coping?
[Private to Elijah]
Hey, when these egg babies are gone do you think we could like-- program the enclosure to a nice holiday resort and just stay there for a week?
Hey. So, full disclosure, I've held like, two babies in my life and it's always terrifying. I picked this thing up like an hour ago and ever since I've been completely certain that I'm going to drop it, or fall on it, or hold it too tight and break it. I really just wanna wrap you in bubble wrap and stick you in an armoured incubator, but you don't want that do you? Do you? Nooooo, you don't want that.
[The last few lines are clearly directed at the egg. His baby! Rhys has to drag his attention back to the main Barge.]
Anyway, I can't be the only one just-- full of dread right now? How are you guys coping?
[Private to Elijah]
Hey, when these egg babies are gone do you think we could like-- program the enclosure to a nice holiday resort and just stay there for a week?

Private
In practice, I'd be concerned about Jasper.
Re: Private
Like--
[Oh god what would Jasper like?]
Wilderness survival?
Re: Private
...
You're saying 'as well' as if either of us would enjoy wilderness survival.
Re: Private
How about-- a theme park? Ooh, a water park with an attached hotel!
[This may have gone in the other direction and is now something that Only Rhys would enjoy.]
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[Video]
Rhys rhys rhys oh my GOD is this the greatest thing that's ever happened to us or WHAT?!
[He holds up his egg. It's painted black-and-white stripes and seems to have the same maniacal energy bleeding off BJ in buckets]
LOOK!
I'm calling him Egg Juice. EJ for short.
I love my egg son. Or shit, wait, egg daughter? How old before they tell you what their gender is?
Re: [Video]
[He feels a sudden swell of desire to make the eggs hang out, immediately followed by that mad, protective terror.]
Looks kinda rascally though, I'm kinda worried that EJ might be a bad influence on my little--
[...He hasn't given his egg a name. Quick! Think of Something!]
Egg Strongfork. Just Egg for short.
Re: [Video]
[he cuddles EJ in the crook of his arm, delighted]
Of course he's a bad influence, he's mine, isn't he? EJ, are you gonna teach Strongfork Jr. to smoke cigarettes some day? YES YOU ARE!
Re: [Video]
[Poor little Egg. Rhys shushes him affectionately, assuring him that his name is just fine.]
Anyway, they're probably going to both hatch into tiny dragons that eat human flesh and kill us both, so the cigarettes will have to wait. Won't they? Yes you will! Who's gonna eat daddy? Is it you?
[Yeah, he's back to doing baby talk to the egg.]
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[Says the guy who is 1. also supposed to be taking care of this egg and 2. is clearly not doing so at the moment. He also appears to be filming from some sort of dimly lit lab like a supervillain.]
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[Rhys narrows his eyes, immediately sensing that the egg expects better of Stan and so should he.]
Where are you even hiding right now, dude?
Video
[Good thing Stan's already used to the feeling of disappointing people! (Though, for some reason he can't quite put his finger on, it does actually feel slightly...bad? Is this what guilt is?!)]
And I'm not hiding - I'm in Ford's cabin.
Re: Video
[He watches Stan through narrowed eyes.]
Why does Ford live in-- a panic room disaster bunker?
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S P A M
S P A M
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I do find myself inordinately interested in the Breakfast Experiment. I wasn't this interested in human babies, but the egg is quiet and hasn't ruined anything yet, so perhaps this is the ideal offspring for me.
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[That last bit is in praise of his beautiful little egg.]
What's the Breakfast Experiment though?
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Also I'm documenting it every hour to learn more about it. So far it's been. . . admittedly less than thrilling. But it's still enjoyable and not hurting anything.
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[Maybe it suggests that he's already emotionally compromised that he sounds so shocked about this.]
I got mad at Betelgeuse for just trying to call mine Scrambles.
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[Absolutely not. And also, no self-respecting parent would trust him with their child. He can barely keep himself alive day to day, and one cat, who is largely self-caring.]
There's those sling things Ben had. He might have a few left.
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[They just shove those babies right into your hands dude. You always gotta beware!]
Yeah, I was going to go get one, but the egg wanted a quiet morning in, so--
[He waves a hand as if to show exactly what that led too: Egg. Cabin. Quiet morning in.]
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[In theory children are fine, in practice they are a vast source of mystery and disgusting bodily fluids.]
Unfortunately this means I am lacking in practical experience handling kids. Is there any way to tell what they want when they whine?
[How did you know it wanted a quiet morning in? How can he make his stop being discontented at him.]
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video, for once
[ She holds up her egg to the camera, giving it a little shake ]
Re: video, for once
Yeah, I mean-- They aren't exactly shy in letting us know when they aren't happy, right? That must make it a little harder to fuck it up and upset them!
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[private]
And...I've been meaning to talk to you. Thank you for everything, your patience especially. I've come to some decisions since we spoke and am going to work towards becoming a warden and receiving a full deal.
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Annnnd if they're not - [Big shrug] - Welcome to the Barge, I guess.
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