Imminent Drama

Because people were beginning to threaten pain ... you can now find me on Facebook.

Have fun!

Hey Peoples!!! I'm stateside until Daddy's Day and really appreciating all of the lovely and often overlooked amenities of living in the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave: traffic laws, customer service, broccoli, and washing machines.

Anyhoot ... If you're nearby and want to get together, lemme know. Also, if you're not nearby but want me to call so we can catch up without a 3 second delay over the phone, lemme know. I do have cell phone (but since it's my dad's, i can't post here) and I shall get in touch.

I want to get in touch with as many people as possible, so write me quick!

My dear friends and ... friends (I don't have family with LJ accounts),

I'm still alive. Really. I don't have the internet access, but I am still a functional carbon-based lifeform. And since I've been away from LJ for 6 months: here's a recap:

June:
Meet other PCVs in Philly and we did paperwork and had group activities.
Fly to Azerbaijan via Frankfurt. 27 hours of non-stop travel. Yeah ... bring it (oh it's already been brought-en)

July:
Sweat my metaphorical balls off.
Language class 4 hours a day, 5 days a week (overload!)
Groups activities once a week

August:
Repeat July ... sweat more

September:
Move to Dashkesen
Feel confused and lonely and homesick

October:
Begin to understand class schedule
Teach English
Form clubs I don't know what to do with
Halloween Party

Novemeber:
Teach some more
Work the clubs
Play in the snow
Wait on packages
Thanksgiving Dinner

December:
Keep on teaching
Keep on clubbing
Get sick from playing in lots of snow
Play with packages
Training (= group activities)
Christmas party

And that's what I've been up to. This shit is hard. No, really. Hard. If I had known it was going to be this hard, I probably wouldn't have done this. But now that I'm here, I'm not giving up on it.

Sadly, my internet is not what I would like for it to be. I'll try to post more, but if you'd like regular updates, email me and ask to be added to my mailing list. That's the bestest. You'll hear from me again, hopefully, before another 6 months has passed ... but who knows!

Cheers!

How excited am I? Well, I'll have to let the anxiety go away before I can truly say, but I think I'd have to say pretty damn.

This past week has been amazing. The weeks and months leading up to today have flown by, but this week has moved at a much more sedate pace, allowing me to savor the places and people that mean most to me. I've said goodbye to my cat, to most of my friends, and to my Jenn (I loff you, Jenn). I'm still headed up to the barn for one last hurrah there. And then home for one last dinner with my family and then to unpack and repack everything compulsively until we leave in the morning, cause, yeah, sleeping just ain't gonna happen.

My errands are run. I've put together the photo album of "life" in America with things like a mail truck, a payphone, the grocery store, and a metric fuckton of coke cases. No, really, it's cute! The paperwork is in order, so now my dad can totally screw with my finances and legalities and I can't do a damn thing about it. And yeah ... everything is set.

I've really enjoyed hanging out with people over the past couple of weeks. (And talking to those of you who live too far away to hang out with). Although, I'd have to say the entertainment highlight of the week was going to see the psychic. Jenn thought it would be fun. Umm, okay? So, here's what she says about me: I'm destined for a career in corporate finance. WTF? Yeah, those of you who know my math skillz are laughing right now, because I can't balance a checkbook. She also told me that I'll meet the man of my dreams in October. And he'll have an accent. And that I'm on the cusp of a career change, and I am moving in the near future. All on the money, to be sure, but she also mentioned that one of my past "relationships" was trying to contact me. Yeah, hasn't happened. Still, check back in October to see who "he" is. Mwwahahahaha!

Okay, the next time I post will either be from Philly or Baku. Cheers!

Jezebel and I made it safely down to Savannah. I miss her already. She crawled all over the car until we got to Macon, and then she slept the rest of the way. I think she settled in well with M. and S. They have a large apartment with stairs and a small balcony from which she can look at everything. She absolutely adored S and started following her around as soon as she got home from work. I hate leaving her behind, but at least I know that she's with good people who treat her very well.

I survived my last shift at Borders tonight. Two annoying kids for storytime, but they only lasted 30 mins. I spent the next hour helping out where I was needed, and then was asked if I could stay late (becuase someone had to go home sick) and I agreed. At the end of my last hour there this woman starts bitching to me about how it's not fair that I gave someone a discount but her cashier didn't give her one blah blah blah .... I really wanted to tell her how much I didn't care, especially since she wouldn't let me call my supervisor and there was nothing I could do for her without a supervisor's approval. Grargh. But, I did get an amazing White Stripes mix from one of my coworkers, and I'm very happily jamming to it right now (can I still use the phrase "jamming"?).

Family time tomorrow and lots more stuff going on Sunday. I leave in 8 days. OMG. Let the freaking out begin.

I don't know how I'm going to sleep without my kitty.

I don't know how to describe how I'm feeling. It's kind of scared. Kind of excited. Kind of wtfdidigetmyselfinto? Kind of HOW COOL! And a lot of AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! because I still have a million things to get finished before I leave. Getting ready to go is almost a full time job.

In great news: I made Thomas go shopping with me yesterday because he's lucky. I found a couple more tops that I liked on clearance. I found the shortwave that I wanted ($10 cheaper at register than marked). The sleeping bag that I decided to get was $50 cheaper than the last time I looked at it. I mean, damn. The kid is really lucky. I got exactly the planner I wanted. So now, with the exception of "host family gifts", I have officially completed outfitting myself for this adventure. And I just had a thought ... I may get the host family gifts up in Philly. I mean, a couple of weeks before the 4th of July I should be able to find some great Americana stuff up there, right? That, and Peace Corps gives us a per diem while we're there, so, yeah.

Other great news: Jezebel has a home!!!! If you ever feel the need to visit the greatest kitty ever, you'll have to truck it down to Savannah, as she's staying with my friends spidermum and hawkshroom. I am going to miss her so very very much, but I will at least know that she is with good people in whom I have complete trust. She will be loved, and that's the most important thing. In fact, I'm pretty sure she will be treated better with them than she would if mom and dad let me leave her here (which they won't), so I guess things really do have a way of working out.

In good news: 2 more hours at Borders. Just storytime on Friday and then no more bookstore for Kat. This job was one of those bittersweet experiences: there were things about it that I really liked, and there were things about it that I really didn't like. But before I left today I took one last good look through the promo shelf and came away with the new Lifehouse CD, the new Kate Bush CDs, and the new Sinead O'Connor. The only one I've heard all the way through is Kate Bush (btw - 100wordspermin, you can have Aerial once I've loaded it into iTunes) and I know it's good. And even if the others aren't great, well, they're free.

Okay, it's now time for me to start scanning, printing, and moving a ton of files and media. I'm probably going to be at/near my computer for the next few days. Get it out of my system before I have limited access, right?

Sorry about being hard to get in touch with; my cell phone died. For everyone who has called and/or messaged about seeing me before I leave, yes, we shall ... I just need to sort some stuff out ... like my mother. Because she really hurt my feelings. Sadly, there's no way to tell her this, because I will at that point be attacking her. Two friggin weeks left, Mom. And I really wanted to spend some time with you, not fight like we did all of last year. But this time, I really didn't do anything wrong.

I feel blah. But I love my friends.

I didn't sleep too well last night. I think it's because after I got home from Jon & Kristina's very lovely wedding I fell asleep. I woke up in time to go to the movies with my family. Yes, the whole family. Dad's idea. I know, I can't believe it either. He wanted to see United 93. And damn if that isn't a hard movie to watch. So the nap and the emotional rollercoaster I went on during the movie keyed me up until the wee hours of the morning.

And then there was work. The Bitch is on vacation this week and next (and I get her hours!) so it was just me this morning. And since it was Memorial Day, we got slammed like a midget wrestling a giraffe. Like whoa, as the Timba would say. I stayed an hour late to help out, cause I'm all nice and stuff. Yeah.

Anywayz, it seems as though Jezebel has joined a Pet-of-the-Week plan. Last week's pet was a chipmunk that scurried all over my room while she chased it and played with it and didn't kill it. (I only found out today that Bosco took care of it). Well, this week's pet, apparently, is a lizard (pronounced: leeeezerd). She's been leaving pieces of his tail all over the place, and I can't get her to clean them up. I'm pretty sure the actual lizard is somewhere amongst the pieces of my printer on my crate shelves (appx 3 inches from my foot right now) because she keeps sniffing aroung in there. And I found a piece of tail nearby. Okay Jezebel, time to cancel the subscription. No more pets for you.

So. The wedding was fun. Guess who caught the bouquet? Oh yes, single ladies everywhere are screwed. And how is it I've NEVER heard of the tradition where the guy who catches the garter puts the garter back on to the girl who catches the bouquet until this wedding???? I'm still thankful I know the guy who caught the garter.

This weekend is going to be interesting. Mom, Auntieem, Uncle Bill and I are flying up to Virginia for my cousin's 80th birthday. What joy is mine?! It should be a weekend filled with the kind of barbeques, social graces, and family angst that only an old south family can provide. Have I mentioned that I'm the ONLY person not medicated on this trip? Donde esta Jose? At least I'll have the chance to use the new Vera Bradley duffel my MeeMa gave me. And speaking of Vera Bradley, she has messenger bags and OMFGCUTE!

Time now for the bed. Have to get up and do the work thing again tomorrow. Wow, this is the first time I've worked two days in a row in ... I can't remember. Yay for me! And my checkbook! Cheers!

Things have been nutz lately, which is why I haven't posted in a while. Most recently, my good friend from high school, coloroflilacs, got married yesterday!!! The wedding ceremony was beautiful, the bride was gorgeous, and the reception was so much fun. Kristin and Jay looked so happy together, and I know they've begun a wonderful life. I saw friends I haven't seen in ages, which is always a good thing, and I met some wonderful new people last night. I'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around the idea that Kris is married. I was looking at her las night thinking: this is a movie, this can't be real. But it is. And it's good. So, I hope you two have fun on your honeymoon!

The rest of my life is consumed with thinking about Azerbaijan. I am so excited about going. More excited than scared, for sure. And I love getting to know the people in my group. There is already a sense of teamwork and camaraderie among us. I get the feeling that I'm going to enjoy spending the next two years working with these people. 35 Days and counting!

I rode a lot this week. Topper is still lame (and has been for a month, seems to be his yearly stone bruise) so I rode Crown and Reggie. Damn. By Friday I had a trademark on sore. Crown takes so much more leg than Topper, and I hadn't ridden in a couple of weeks anyway. And by the time I got to Reggie, wow. But then Reggie is so narrow compared to Crown and Topper, than I was using completely new muscles, so owwwww. But I'm better now. I scratched from the show this coming Saturday, because Topper is going to be out of shape and I really can't afford it anyway. So much to get for Azerbaijan, and such little paychecks. You know how it goes.

If you add in lots of TV and time with my kitty, that's the gist of my life right now. Jon & Kristina's wedding is this coming Sunday. And I'm going to Virginia the following weekend to visit my cousin. Yay! So, cheers!

I promised myself that I wouldn't cry about him ever again. And I'm not. And this isn't about him so much as it is about what he's done to me. I didn't realize until this week how fragile my trust is in people and how easily my trust can be bruised. And bruised it must be, because I ache.

Fuck this.
And Fuck you, Zac.

I don't want to be broken and alone anymore.