The Random Innerworkings of a Girl

A few things to share.

My car got fucking repossessed Wednesday while I was at work. I had no idea it was going to happen so when I went to go home at 3:30 and it was gone, I though someone had stolen it. I call 911 and they inform me that it was really repo'd. So now my work knows it was taken and so does most of Cornell Pump (the company we share a building with). It was bad enough that my car was taken, but then I had to ask my dad to help me out and let me borrow the $1,200 it's going to take to get it back. He agreed instantly, which shocked me so badly I almost passed out from surprise. I felt so bad because I finally got the balls to ask on Friday and he had just gotten to New York for business.  I really hate asking my dad for anything but the timing was just terrible. The car being taken wouldn't have been so bad except for that fact that I work in Clackamas and it takes at least 30 minutes to get there and almost no one that works there lives out here.

The whole car situation has been frustrating for not just me but for Colin too. He's thankfully been letting me drive his truck to work until I get mine back. But we got in  fight on Wednesday night and then again on Friday. It was mainly over our frustration over the car situation. I ended up taking a long walk by myself both nights which most likely wasn't too safe for me but I had to clear my head and calm down and getting out of the house and walking has helped me do that lately. I'm not used to having  a boyfriend who actually tells me when I'm slipping and when he's upset with me. I guess it's good to hear "Jess, what are you doing?" once in a while. I have no idea why, but most people haven't been as direct with me in that regard. It could be because I'm so sensitive and I tiptoe around everything. This relationship is real and I'm trying to learn how to deal with that. It's not some high school relationship and not "playing house" as I've been accused to do in college. It's a for better and sometimes worse relationship where I can be the happiest I have ever been and then feeling like shit a few moments later. It's so real it scares me. It makes me feel truly alive and helps me understand I'm in the real world and not hiding out from what's out there. Frightening as it may be, it's what I need in the end.

I'm home alone again, through no one else's fault. I really hate being alone. Maybe I just don't feel comfortable because I've only been in this house for 3 months and it doesn't feel like home because almost everything I own is still in Bellingham. Maybe I wouldn't feel comfortable alone in any house. After being one of 6 kids and never having to be alone, it feels like I am an awful lot lately. Colin and Matt are working tonight (started at 6) and Luke disappeared off somewhere. Randi invited me to go to the store with her tonight but I don't feel well and have been in pj's all day long. Took a benadryl earlier today and took a nap with Colin since he may be working late. So here I am alone and trying not to have a panic attack by playing music and distracting myself with the internet and the idea of a shower. I was thinking about bringing Elsey into the house but it might not be a good idea. I don't know.

My job is going fabulously. I'm being told I'm doing well and it's 100 times better than T-Mobile. I'm very seldom yelled at by customers because they seem to realize that it's not my fault their freight isn't there right this second. They realize that I am just there to give them answers based on a screen in front of me. Then there are the few who threaten to use another company. I laugh inside because we are affiliated with most of the companies around. But I always apologize and let them know we appreciate their business. I don't have to be the fall person here either. At T-Mobile I'd have to go back on the phone and try another approach, even when I was crying my eyes out. But here they understand and will get on the phone with the customer. There's only been one time so far that I've been on the verge of crying so I sat in after call for a few minutes and cooled down. I can't even remember how many times that happened at T-Mobile and I HAD to keep taking calls without a break. Plus I get to work with Julie, which I love.

Rule #1 of renting... DO NOT PAINT SOMETHING YOU WILL HAVE TO PAINT BACK LATER.


I learned that the hard way.

We're finally in the new house.

# of mental breakdowns over the move: at least 5
# of boxes from the apartment to the house: too many to count

I am so happy to be in a house that will not physically make me sick. I have to go back to the apartment for the next two days to clean it out and paint, but that's it. I am ready to be done moving...

why is it that my feelings and opinions don't matter? what happens between two people should stay between those people unless it is made abundantly clear that it's okay to share with others....

go ahead and think what you want.... but I am who I am and that is not going to change. You may think I'm some stupid whore who gives it up easily. the only sad part is that the person this is directed at has already been deleted from my friends list and I changed my settings to friends only so you can't see this. Just so you know, I am a good person and the only reason what happened took place is because I can't let go of the good in people. you are abusive and an unbeleivable asshole and I pushed that all aside because I saw something good in you for a fraction of a second. if I ever see you again and you act like everything is okay, you are going to find that everything is not okay. you are going to hear from me at the top of my lungs how abusive you are, how I hope you one day realize what you did, and how I never want to speak to you again. You may think at that time that it's no big loss, but one day you will look back and see that I really was good for you....

So fuck you.... cause I'm done with the drama and I'm done with you.

Hey everyone! My buddy from high school, Ross Parsons is in the American Eagle Campus Comedy Challenge representing UW!! He's currently in second and I have no idea why. The guy who's winning in his region isn't any good!

So please, go to http://aecomedy.com/bracket/ and vote for Ross! There are only 14 days left and you can vote every day!!

My friends and I have devised a plan to go out every month to a new restaurant that we have never been before. We've gone to Kyoto's and Lemongrass so far. I would like to know places that people recommend out here, our tastes are pretty much all over the board so any kind of food will work.

I am so confused about my life right now. I should be pretty secure knowing that I have such a great boyfriend and an awesome job that I love. But certain words spoken and actions taken by other people who are close to me make me question what is good and right.

Aaron's mom told him that he needs to stop "playing house" and that in the grand scheme of things that my job doesn't really matter. She wants us to move to Woodinville or Seattle for the summer so Aaron can go back to his internship at the school district. And now, 4 women who have been my best friend at some point in my life and either married and pregnant or engaged. It hurts to see my best friends have exactly what I want. Lately I have been feeling like I should just quit my job and move to Seattle with Aaron so he can keep his internship there. Then maybe we could get married and have kids sooner than we will if we stay in this position we're in now.

This is mostly just me ranting and getting everything out of my head, but does anyone have any suggestions for me?

Today was a great day. It in a way re-validated me.

It was the first day of many at T-mobile and I really feel like it's a place I will be for a very long time. The atmosphere is awesome, the people are kind and friendly, and the job is going to be fun. We've got 8 weeks of training ahead, and only get to get on the phones with live customers in week 4, but I am brightly looking forward to the next few months.

It was a lot of Human Resources stuff today. Paperwork. Meet and greet. Tour of the building. Did I mention there's a gym, a game room (with a pool table, ping pong, and air hockey), a huge lunchroom with 10 microwaves? We haven't even touched any material yet, simply went over benefits, the company, and what to expect. I'm making $10.82 an hour, working 40 hours a week. Good benefits plan. I get a 2000 minute a month plan for $9.95 and I get 40% off my first device. I am very very excited to get to work and to get to know my peers.

Leaving the building today, I felt validated for the first time in a long time. After sitting at home depressed for a month, it felt good to get out and meet people and feel like a contributing member of society. After I got home, Aaron and I gathered all of the cable equipment and returned it to Comcast. I bought a new pair of jeans because my absolute favorite pair is just about dead. We made reservations to go to Kyoto's steakhouse for Valentine's day and got Niko and Jo and Jenae and Ben to commit to going with us (triple date!). I also got my nails done, which had to be one of the worst experiences ever. (My nails were grown pretty far out and were beginning to yellow, so I and the nail tech decided to put on a new set and take off the old one. It was painful and she was just terrible.) But I decided not to let it ruin my day. After we returned home, Aaron and I decided to rearrange our bedroom (with Jenae's advice on where to move things) and it looks great and feels better. I made soup for my lunch for tomorrow (no more catered breakfast and lunch!) and read over the new hire packet a little. Now it's time for bed because there's another exciting day at T-mobile ahead of me in t-minus 7 hours and 35 minutes.

We adopted 2 cats this week! They are Lucifer and Gabriel.

I've been on interviews and I am still putting in resumes and whatnot. 3 days I was freaking out about money and the fact that I don't have a job, now it's turned into "which job do I take?" Here are the ones I'm looking at:

Wireless Advocates: This is a 3rd party wireless dealer that has locations in Costco. They pretty much sell almost all wireless carriers and direct tv. It's a base pay of minimum wage plus a commission. The manager is a really cool guy named Chris that I was comfortable in interviewing with, so I know I'd do fine working with him. Good hours because we work on Costco's opening and closing schedule. Benefits after 90 days as well. Chris told me he's even got vision, which is something I could really use. I was already offered the job about an hour after the interview was over. I'd be working 40 hours, 3 days at the Bellingham store and 2 days at Burlington. There is a 2 day training course that is paid and gas is paid as well since it's in Lynnwood.

Sterling Health Insurance: Obviously, selling health insurance. It's over the phone. All we sell are add on packages to Medicare customers. So I would be in an office calling people who already have Medicare and we offer plans that fill in the holes that Medicare leaves. I went in for an overview of the company a few days ago. I went on a job shadow today and sat in with 2 employees (one who'd been there 6 weeks and one for 2 years) to see what the job entails. I would need to get licensed in the state of Washington first which would cost me about $400 with the class and test and fees. It's a minimum wage guarantee when I start (basically I make either minimum wage for hourly or commission, whichever is more) and then I move to commission as I make more. There is a $1000 bonus for each month if you hit a certain quota. At first the job is rough because you have to get the client base and deal with rude people, but it gets a lot better and you don't have to call out as much the longer you are there. Plus if the person stays on the next year, you make the commission over again, and over and over again each year as long as they keep going with it. I'd have to get a credit card to cover the $400 up front and deal with minimum wage for probably the first month to 6 weeks. But I can make a lot of money there and it would be a career. The manager is a sweetheart and she really seems to like me. I explained the money issue and she said she really doesn't want me to get away so she's going to have me job shadow for the retention department on Monday morning. It still requires a license, but it's a salary/base wage pay structure. Plus I should be able to move to sales. I'm pretty much already hired there, she told me she'd like to meet with a board of people and have them put in writing that if I get licensed then i am guaranteed a job. And after the first license, they pay for licensing in all other states. This will be 40 hours a week.

Speedy Automated Mailers: Jenae's work. I'd be a receptionist at a mailing company. It is smaller, like my mom's work, which would be nice. Plus I'd get to work with Jenae again. They start at $8 or $9 something and have benefits and a raise structure based on hours put in. It would be a nice job since I'd work in an office like I want to. The only drawback I see is that it's a little more relaxed environment and a smaller company. There's not as much job security as with Sterling or T-Mobile. I turned in my application today and they are supposed to call me next week for an interview.

T-Mobile: I filled out an online application for the call-center up here in Bellingham and ended up doing the simulation and tests online to be considered. Based on those tests they are having me interview in person on Thursday. I think it would be a great job for me since I love being on the phone so much. It'll be a base wage, not sure how much yet. I don't have to call out. It will be a very stable job since T-Mobile isn't going anywhere anytime soon, plus I'm sure there's benefits after a certain point. And since I have their service I will learn a lot more and hopefully get deals.

I have also sent resumes to smaller companies in the mail, so I should hear from them this week. I have no idea what I am going to do. The jobs are pretty different and there are pros and cons to all of them. I figure at any rate, I will go on all of my interviews and decide by the end of next week.