Kingdom Hearts Badfics

Note: I wanted to post this onto heartless_fics, but for some reason it won't let me, so until then I'll slap it on here.
Rise from your grave!

Okay, so basically here I was, bored. browsing Y! Gallery to see what badfic was ripe for the picking. AND THIS WAS THE FIRST ENTRY. LIKE, TOP HIT.

I haven't read it yet, so this will be a stream of consciousness funnelled through the KH characters... At least now that I've actually played the games maybe I won't butcher charaterizations.

Title: Demyx's Lunch (Archived at Y!Gallery; you'll have to deactivate filters to see the main attractions.)

Author:kh2kid, also a co-author by the name of CameoAmalthea.

Rating:   One for Not!Roxas and Naga!Demyx, the people related in name only to actual three-dimensional characters. One for avoidable and annoyingly consistent spelling and grammar mistakes, that end up making Roxas sound like he has either a sort of Texan accent or extensive brain damage. One for the completely and utter disregard of science, in this base biology, and for making the fetish it's supposedly created to cater to a turnoff. I must admit I don't know any vore fetishists, but I doubt that manyof them would see this as quality.


( I have had it with these mickeymousing snakes on this materiaswapping Roxas!Collapse )

Title: Cries of the Crimson Angel *Bullshit alert sound*  (Archived at FFNet, http://www.fanfiction.net/s/481008… )

Author:  Nixashimigi – No comment.

This fic was recommended by… Actually, I can’t find the comment. If that member turns out to be the author of this thing for massive trollage, I will have been right. And if it isn’t a troll, and someone actually sincerely wrote this, then my takeover and eventual destruction of the universe is fully justified, and any dissenters will be made to listen to a dramatic reading of it before receiving cake and grief counseling.

I went to the trouble of leaving a vanilla review as I read, but I ended with a quote and simply going “I call troll.” You’ll see why in due time – if your eyes are not skewered on the end of a rusty spork by then.

However, since I seem to have an ability to turn out having parodied parodies (It turned out that “Konoha’s Keyhole” was a parody (at least that's what its author claimed), and that my sarcasm-dar is rusted by being jaded and badfic, for which I again profusely apologize), I call troll.

Rating: 

One Two for the Self-insert!multicolor!speshul!pretty!sparkly!big-boobed!bisexual!orgy!slut Sue (I wish I was making the number of adjectives up). One for a healthy dose of NOBODIES DO NOT HAVE FREAKING HEARTS, CONSARNIT-type logic error, and one also two for a conglomerate of fangirl japanese (it burns), OOC, in-fic author notes, spelling errors, bla bla bla, all that and Zexions' and Xemnas' testicles in a death grip.
I plead to whatever higher entity may be out there that this is a troll. Her carefully-tailored misspellings make it less easy to categorize. *jumps off a tower with a triple screw and dives into an ocean of brain bleach*

Sorry if I’m not very funny today, and if Demyx lacks his sitar and musical references.

( Descend, Crimson Suefic!Collapse )

Title: Roxas 1 Axel 0

((http://yaoi.y-gallery.net/view/458…))

Author: 13AkuRoku8 and Firekitten (repeated offenders)
Rating: - Of merciful medium length and without too much of teh buttsecks, but the spelling, grammar and oh merciful deity, the non-sentences just kill my brain. Ow.
Full Name (including any titles): Axel and Roxas, Xio
Full Species(es): Nobodies I have to presume, no clue what the hell Xio is. Oh, wait. A speshul fire lion with the species name "Moomba"
Hair Color (include adjectives): As Canon, Xio - black, I think
Eye Color (include adjectives): No orbs this time, but Roxas eyes are aparently flashlights.
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: Lion form. Wait, come back - it doesn't get to what that implies.
Special Possessions (if any): "Xio", the magical fire lion insert tru wuv pet.
Origin: A fifth grader who loves the lion king and who wants to impress his big sister, the Grand Master Yaoi Fangirl.
Connections To Canon Characters: Stuffed them into a walk-in freezer.
Special Abilities: To make no sense whatsoever between sentences.
Other Annoying Traits: The - it's not even karate chop sentences. It's just that the sentences have no semblance of a connection to each other. It's as if some magical badfic producing robot ran out of material and simply cobbled together the odd sentenced from previous things.
Also, they're able to jump through time, or enter a ship, exist it without the reader noticing and enter it again a paragraph later.
I Say/Notes: If you can make any sense of this fic, you're a) The author, b) from the planet Zog, c) on a multitude of illegal substances and household cleaners.

Sample:

I apologize for my issues with LJ cuts. Sorry.
EDIT: Maybe they'll work manually.

( Part One - Where things don't make a whole lot of sense.Collapse )

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Next one are two little gems called "Cant think of a title" and "From Pouts to Rape".

The titles say it all, really.

Title: Organization XIII’s Day at the Mall
Author: Asthetic
Rating: : : :
Full Name (including any titles): All of Organization XIII, mainly Axel, Zexion, Larxene, Demyx, Marluxia, and Roxas, as well as a Mary Sue for each of them (excluding Larxene)
Full Species(es): the Bodysnatchers: these creatures take the Nobody skins of the Org XIII members and parade around as them
Hair Color (include adjectives): Presumed canon, except for the Sues, which have weird hair colors like lavender and blue
Eye Color (include adjectives): Presumed canon
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: none, except for the Mary Sues. One of them has a fire tattoo on her hand, which Axel falls instantly in love with…
Special Possessions (if any): Clothes that Xenmas would have never allowed them to wear, cell phones, cars, need I say more?
Origin: the depths of Canon hell
Connections To Canon Characters: Axel left his wallet in the mall and someone stole all their identities, I swear!
Special Abilities: In 358/2 Days, there’s a bonus game where you can use Organization members to shop in the Mall that Never Existed. Tasks range from finding magical sitar strings in the instrument store to finding a girl in the mall that matches that member’s personality. For example, an emo girl for Zexion, a DDR queen wannabe for Axel, etc.
Other Annoying Traits: The fact that they attract Mary Sues like flies to honey.

I Say/Notes: If you thought the first part was bad, wait until you see this part. At least it doesn’t have a lot of grammar problems.

First part in case you missed it

 

 

( In which Demyx regrets answering the phone and Roxas has a Collapse )

Title: Organization XIII’s Day at the Mall
Author: Asthetic
Rating: : : :
Full Name (including any titles): All of Organization XIII, mainly Axel, Zexion, Larxene, Demyx, Marluxia, and Roxas, as well as a Mary Sue for each of them (excluding Larxene)
Full Species(es): the Bodysnatchers: these creatures take the Nobody skins of the Org XIII members and parade around as them
Hair Color (include adjectives): Presumed canon, except for the Sues, which have weird hair colors like lavender and blue
Eye Color (include adjectives): Presumed canon
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: none, except for the Mary Sues. One of them has a fire tattoo on her hand, which Axel falls instantly in love with…
Special Possessions (if any): Clothes that Xenmas would have never allowed them to wear, cell phones, cars, need I say more?
Origin: the depths of Canon hell
Connections To Canon Characters: Axel left his wallet in the mall and someone stole all their identities, I swear!
Special Abilities: In 358/2 Days, there’s a bonus game where you can use Organization members to shop in the Mall that Never Existed. Tasks range from finding magical sitar strings in the instrument store to finding a girl in the mall that matches that member’s personality. For example, an emo girl for Zexion, a DDR queen wannabe for Axel, etc.
Other Annoying Traits: The fact that they attract Mary Sues like flies to honey.

I Say/Notes: If you thought the first part was bad, wait until you see this part. At least it doesn’t have a lot of grammar problems.

First part in case you missed it

 

( In which a Mary Sue actually runs away from an Organization member.Collapse )

Title: Organization XIII’s Day at the Mall
Author: Asthetic
Rating: : : :
Full Name (including any titles): All of Organization XIII, mainly Axel, Zexion, Larxene, Demyx, Marluxia, and Roxas, as well as a Mary Sue for each of them (excluding Larxene)
Full Species(es): the Bodysnatchers: these creatures take the Nobody skins of the Org XIII members and parade around as them
Hair Color (include adjectives): Presumed canon, except for the Sues, which have weird hair colors like lavender and blue
Eye Color (include adjectives): Presumed canon
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: none, except for the Mary Sues. One of them has a fire tattoo on her hand, which Axel falls instantly in love with…
Special Possessions (if any): Clothes that Xenmas would have never allowed them to wear, cell phones, cars, need I say more?
Origin: the depths of Canon hell
Connections To Canon Characters: Axel left his wallet in the mall and someone stole all their identities, I swear!
Special Abilities: In 358/2 Days, there’s a bonus game where you can use Organization members to shop in the Mall that Never Existed. Tasks range from finding magical sitar strings in the instrument store to finding a girl in the mall that matches that member’s personality. For example, an emo girl for Zexion, a DDR queen wannabe for Axel, etc.
Other Annoying Traits: The fact that they attract Mary Sues like flies to honey.

I Say/Notes: If you thought the first part was bad, wait until you see this part. At least it doesn’t have a lot of grammar problems.

First part in case you missed it

 

( In which Marluxia hangs around girls.Collapse )

Title: Organization XIII’s Day at the Mall
Author: Asthetic
Rating: : : : One for the situation, two for the overly OOC-d characters, and three for the fact that the author probably forgot that the Organization XIII members are Nobodies.
Full Name (including any titles): All of Organization XIII, mainly Axel, Zexion, Larxene, Demyx, Marluxia, and Roxas, as well as a Mary Sue for each of them (excluding Larxene)
Full Species(es): the Bodysnatchers: these creatures take the Nobody skins of the Org XIII members and parade around as them
Hair Color (include adjectives): Presumed canon, except for the Sues, which have weird hair colors like lavender and blue
Eye Color (include adjectives): Presumed canon, excpet for the Mary Sues
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: none, except for the Mary Sues. One of them has a fire tattoo on her hand, which Axel falls instantly in love with…
Special Possessions (if any): Clothes that Xenmas would have never allowed them to wear, cell phones, cars, need I say more?
Origin: the depths of Canon hell
Connections To Canon Characters: Axel left his wallet in the mall and someone stole all their identities, I swear!
Special Abilities: In 358/2 Days, there’s a bonus game where you can use Organization members to shop in the Mall that Never Existed. Tasks range from finding magical sitar strings in the instrument store to finding a girl in the mall that matches that member’s personality. For example, an emo girl for Zexion, a DDR queen wannabe for Axel, etc.
Other Annoying Traits: The fact that they attract Mary Sues like flies to honey.

I Say/Notes: If you thought the first part was bad, wait until you see this part. At least it doesn’t have a lot of grammar problems.

First part in case you missed it

 

( In which the Organization members are supposedly teenagers.Collapse )

Apologies for not posting a Spork, but I have a brief request:

I believe that on an earlier page you guys posted an FAQ about Sporking-- the history, etc. Do you think you could give me a link? I need it for a presentation I'm giving in my speech class-- naturally, it's on Sporking/MiSTing. If you could help that would be fantastic.

And I promise next time I'll post something important.

( Read more...Collapse )
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( Read more...Collapse )

Part two is up!

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