D & M came over to get something they'd stored in the house, this used to be their house & their new house is smaller so I think they are just getting this for someone else(one of the kids, a table), if that makes any sense.

I had some insight after they left, I was feeling guilty for having abandoned them, well, for having dumped the therapy. I couldn't take being led by someone else anymore, I can only do that for so long before I kick off the traces. And I felt like there was something very very very important that I needed attention for, and it was being ignored. AND I guess Ms. Core couldn't take that she was being shown some things that really happened, but she did not hold the memory. Yet.

Um, at any rate the insight is that it is not all a loss, that it is possible to get back in the circle, into therapy and see them again. That it is just negative to believe all is lost.

Still there is confusion over who "I" am, because at any given time we are just "I".

There is still some shushing going on. What this means is that in therapy, or at any given time on the inside, there is something big that we avoid asking about, some issute. Someone starts to say, "but what about--" and then there is the pointer finger vertically over the lips, "nope, nope, we're not talking about that, remember".

There are still a lot of people saying, "I lied". The first time this happened was in 1983, and someone at the front said, "I lied". We found out later that ther person was holding a rather nasty memory and had simply said, um, nothing happened really, it was just something small, a tiny bit unpleasant--nothing to see here".

But the core was confused, because when person was up in the body it felt like the core was saying she lied. But she couldn't figure out what the heck she had lied about and kept trying to figure out the sincere tone and feeling of the admission, and a lot of things could fit but no definitive answer. Sometimes everything seemed to fit.

After that time in 1983, things gradually started coming to me about a particular situation in my life that seemed iffy, and almost unbelievable. Only unbelievable because no one seemed to have remembered it or thought about it before. In other words, the core didn't remember but a hazy fog and the implication that it was just a bit of a...non-event. Bit it was a huge event, not good. And she didn't remember it.