Namely, work, or another activity that I would have to be well-rested to perform. *sighs*
I've been sleeping incredibly well for the last few months. 10-12 hours a night, which to me is just like heaven, but I'm a huge-sleep-needing freak. I can function with 9 hours, 7 makes me feel like crap, not even warmed over.
Tonight, four hours. Four fucking hours. And it's going to be a killer busy day, because it's Saturday.
I don't think I will be jinxing it, since I'm suppposed to recieve a phone call about training on Monday. So... I'll be working at Mill End Fabrics for the time being.
And it's an evil store. Evil, evil, evil. With silk taffeta/organza/velvet, worsteds and woollens, and the most luscious linen section I've ever seen. Oh yes. The real stuff. The stuff you want to give up your first born child for.
There's been a lot going on. And I haven't talked about it with hardly anyone. I'm sorry... it's not on purpose, I promise.
A list of stuff that's happened over the last month or so, in basically chronological order:
- My job is back to being uncertain. I've begun applying for other positions as they come available. I'm not sure what to do about this, and the stress is wieghing on me daily.
- My mom got engaged. Mmmm... unexpected. She'll also be moving at the end of the summer to Pheonix. We'll be flying out to celebrate her graduation next month, and meeting our new step-family-to-be. I've never even talked to her fiance. (N&A... though it's nothing like what you're going though, your post reminded me that I had fallen off the face of the earth.)
- My grandmother was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer. She was in the hospital and in surgery within a week. They found a THIRTY POUND TUMOR and removed it. Plus 8 liters (4 2-liter Coke bottles worth) of liquid in her abdominal cavity. The surgery went surprisingly quickly and well, and she's now "Best Case Scenario", which means it hadn't spread and she shouldn't need chemo or any drugs. I was a wreck for two weeks.
- I got black leathery buckley studded corsety goodness. This has been a high point of the last few weeks.
- I worked 52 hours last week helping with the cadet law enforcement scenarios. That may not sound like a lot, but it pounded me. I slept all day Thursday.
- We're talking about moving to an apartment "community" that's not too far away (they look more like townhouses than apartment buildings, and the neighborhood is nice with parks and BBQ pits and walking paths all over). The move would save us about $400 a month, plus give us a little more space (700 sq ft. currently, 1000+ sq ft apartment). No big backyard, but we never use it anyway. Will have a garage, though... so storage.
- My dad's girlfriend has moved in with my dad. That was not so unexpected. But still a bit rattling. At least I've met her.
- John may be getting a store manager position soon. Probably just in time for me to lose my job. Yay, positive thinking!
- I have way too fucking much fabric. I spent all day Sunday doing inventory. How many yards of different types of "soft black cotton" (different TEXTURES, of course, though who the hell can tell from a few feet away) does one person need? Really. Apparently a whole hell of a lot. I either need to A. Do something with it or B. Get rid of it.
I can't even think of anything else.
I'm sorry I've been such a crappy friend, but life keeps getting in the way.
This whole week has been like a raging nightmare. But something comical (well... comical in comparison to everything else that's happened) did take place.
Things are bad. Things are really, really, really, really bad. Recall is making things exponentially worse, and I can see my job going down the drain dollar by dollar.
I got a very worrying e-mail a few minutes ago. On it's own, it probably wouldn't be too terribly bad. As things stand now, it's like adding a few thousand pounds to a sinking ship. If they're actually postponing the Ranger Cadet Acadamy, there's no way they're going to continue with the Maintenance Training.
This is the first time I've ever had to deal with the possibility of being unemployed. Most of you will probably scoff and think I'm terribly sheltered, but since I've been 12 I've worked at least one job, usually 2-3 and went to school at the same time. There's never been a time when I wasn't working (except for 2 weeks between the end of my trail season and starting with State Parks, where I slept on my parent's couch. I got an apartment the following week. I never want to have to do that again.)
Right now I make over double what John makes. He doesn't even bring home enough to pay the rent on his own. If I lose my job, we're not going to have many options. Move in with my dad (which I would hate), move in with his parents (which I could potentially hate even more) or possibly move into the "granny" unit at my grandparent's place (better solution than the rest, but not ideal.) I know I can get a retail job, or even a grunt labor job, but still can't afford to stay here on those salaries.
So... go ahead and laugh at me if you want, but I'm a huge knot of tension right now. I know I'll survive, things will be okay, and everything else, but there's this... terrible sense of self-worth wrapped up in having a job. Maybe it's the first time I've realized it. Maybe I've been calloused in the past. My world won't come tumbling down, but it will change.
I got told today by my boss that I will be receiving a letter of lay-off from the state. Apparently I'm on the low end of seniority, and that's a bad thing.
May loose my job, may not. Dunno.
I'm stuck in the woods, and I wanna go home and cry. And snuggle with my hubby. And pet my cat.
... to everyone who left kind words and hugs under my last journal entry. Sometimes... it's just teary time. There's been some frustrations I've been trying to work out with going back to something I loved, and having my own name slapped back in my face. It's been hurting, deeply, but I think I'm finally ready to get over myself and move on.
I'll be gone for a week starting first thing tomorrow morning, so I hope everyone has a great week! It's a business thingy, not vacation, but it should be fun anyway. I'll be helping to teach people how to build bridges! I'm pretty excited, since this is the first time I've run this particular program. (For those who want to know what I do, go to: http://parks.ca.gov/default.asp?pa… - this coming week will be the Advanced Trails segment, the last one on the page.) I hope to take my digital camera and snap lots of pictures, since I'll be back in my home, the redwoods. Tough work, but back to what I love.
Shout outs: Thank you wingedcorset for the mint! The sprigs I saved are rooting nicely already and I made lots of candied mint leaves last weekend. It was more time consuming than I remembered, but then it was usually a few of us friends all doing the candying together. I think that makes a difference!
Big smootches to doc_in_a_box. I had a nice time seeing you for dinner.
missmorte, I'm thinking of you and praying for you and I'm so proud of you. Take care of yourself and D on the ride.
I hope Bodie feels much better, horrorvenus. Give him a belly rub for me.
I had a dream that I was helping deckards_sixth pick wedding favors. They were small plasticine baggies with candy corn in them and ribbons tied around the top with a autumn leaf attached and a tag with her and her sweetie's initials monogrammed onto it. You like candy corn, hun? *winks*
