Im.. Soft 🥺🥺🥺

cr. 

12/22/2023

You will not die at the hands of quicksand. Ask me how I know this

Please, how do you know this?

quicksand does not have any hands

"this thing is rare and only affects 1% of the population" dude that's 80 million people can you shut up

"this thing is so rare, if you put everyone it affects on an island it would be the 20th most populated country in the world, more than the UK, more than South Korea, and more than Canada AND Australia AND Tunisia all put together. we can literally forget about it that's not many people"

#is this about autism?

it's about autism and EDS and intersex variations and about trans people and also it's about golden blood and it's about blind people, it's about screaming all day long and howling the night out that you exist even if you're not everywhere, you're small but your heart beats and your lungs pump air and they want you forgotten in the pages of a book they won't read

IDK I think if cis men are being told that being fat will lower their testosterone and make them Insufficiently Masculine, and cis women are being told that being fat will raise their testosterone and make them Excessively Masculine, and fat trans people are being denied the right to medically transition if they're fat, and thin trans people are warned against HRT because it will make them fat (and this is said about both testosterone and estrogen HRT), and androgynous-presenting people are told that only thin people count as androgynous...

Then maybe...

Maybe...

Maybe the weight loss industry is just using Gender to enforce fatphobia.

Do the kids these days know that the traditional payment for "having your friends help you move" is "order everyone pizza after"?

Feed your friends. Feed your loved ones. Feed the people who help you. Feed your neighbors. Feed your community.

Seriously though, with a lot of people, especially friends, you can shamelessly and blatantly trade pizza / food for help and labor <3

"it's just stress" oh thank god, it's just the silent killer that slowly kills you, perfectly harmless, no need to worry

Actually as a native English speaker learning a second language one of the big disappointing realizations is that not every language with an alphabet has a near universally accepted alphabet song

Some alphabet songs out there in some languages are made up just for second language learners. Sometimes there’s like five competing versions of an alphabet song. Sometimes there doesn’t seem to be one and children are apparently just going face first into the ice water of alphabet memorization without a snorkel

oh my god the slot machine company says i have to keep putting coins in their machine or Im Gonna Get Left Behind. thats so scary. and it has to be true because they know more about slot machines than i do

oh my god the slot machine company says if we dont give them money to build the world's biggest slot machine the chinese are gonna build it first and win all the prizes. and then there wont be any prizes anymore

ever since the early 2000s when a couple brain-dead frat boys on campus said "Cute skirt" at me and giggled, I've worn kilts pretty much every day

because to hell with the delicate gender-enforcing losers who don't understand the origins of kilts, to hell with people sticking their noses into other people's choices, and to hell with the whole notion of gendered clothing

listen i'm not here to tell you how to live your life nor how to title your novel. but can we please move on from a blank of blank and blank. we have so many a blank of blank and blanks. the shelves are full of a blank of blank and blanks. it's enough. can we do something else now

In time travel movies, when the time traveler asks 'What year is this?!?' they're always treated like they're being weird for asking.

When in reality, if you go 'What year is this?!?' people will just say '2024. Crazy huh.' and you go 'Wtf where has my youth gone.'

And if you ask 'And what month??' people won't judge you, they'll just go like 'SEPTEMBER!!! Can you believe it?!?!' and you go 'WHAT?!? Last time I checked we were in May?!?'

That is a great point. Especially if you time travel to a period of Big Historical Events, when everybody's looking a little wild about the eyes.

"Hey, what month is it?"

"January already, can you believe it? I swear I was just at Pompeii, but no one's going there again."

In the same vein:

Stumbling into a diner and asking "What town is this" isn't weird, the workers will think you're on a road trip

If you ask them "Where's the nearest Nano Deck?" they'll assume it's a shop they've never heard of and say "Sorry, I don't know where any of those are"

Going into a store and telling a cashier "I need pods for my comm device" will just get you a "Never heard of those, maybe try Radio Shack?"

I think the problem is that people who create sci-fi movies have never had to work customer service jobs

whoa…it’s crazy, i was under the impression that the cat has been fed every day for the past 19 years. but he’s informing me right now that’s never happened? not once in his life?

you were almost turned into a vampire, but before you could be fully turned, the vampire was staked. This left you with a vampire weakness, while still being human.

Spin the wheel to find out your weakness!

thanks @theemmjay for submitting this poll idea!! Seriously it's such a cool concept I love it so much

I understand WHY, ethically and practically, you can't just keep whatever animal you want as a pet, but I also think that I, personally, should be allowed to adopt a colossal squid

I'm glad you asked! it is easier to relocate a human than to relocate a colossal squid, so the plan is for me to walk into the ocean and never be seen again

tending to someone's injuries is literally a first date. you've got the wine (for disinfecting open wounds) the candles (for cauterizing open wounds) and the physical intimacy of touching another person's bare flesh. what more could you ask for.

Painkillers.

why do you hate romance

you never know what someone is going through. for instance i didnt know i was going through anything until about 2 years later. i thought i was just chilling