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A few days ago, finding myself short on refrigerator-door shelf space, I realized that my last bottle of Starbucks Frappuccino Iced Coffee had been there longer than I could remember. I’d bought it long ago after really enjoying the first one or two I’d tried, but then I’d been able to resist drinking it, knowing that anything that delicious couldn’t be healthy to drink every day. It’s shelf-stable, so I’d had it in a cabinet for a long time, but that meant it was never ready to drink when I had a craving for it, so eventually I put it in the fridge so it would be ready. But I’d resisted it for so long I could’t remember how long it had been there.
In 2020 I’d gotten into the habit of drinking other bottled beverages containing coffee almost every morning (because Starbucks and Peets and other coffee places were shut down for awhile and when they started reopening I waited until I was vaccinated before going in one). All a little healthier, and all of which I’d discovered (well, and the manufacturers invented) while that bottle was gathering dust. So I finally moved the bottle to the top shelf with the others and vowed to make it my coffee drink the next day and finally free up the space.
The next day I was all set to open and drink it when I thought to look for an expiration date. I peered at the tiny lettering (which I swear had shrunk since I’d bought the bottle) and it started out “Best Taste Before…”. A reassuring sign, I thought. At least it doesn’t say “Danger: Discard Immediately After…”. The next line said “S E P 1 1 0 0”. “September, 1100?” I thought. “I don’t think Frappuccinos were even invented then. It was long before Melviille even created the character the company got its name from. Oh, wait: this is from when years only had two digits. This is a non-Y2K compliant coffee. It’s from September 11, 2000! This was bottled in the 20th century and technically expired before the current century began. Also, this is a pre-9/11 coffee and pre-3-1-1. This coffee is so old, if I’d put it in my backpack and taken it on a trip while it was still fresh, I would have been allowed to carry it into the plane to drink. Also, given its current age, this bottle of coffee is actually _old enough to drink!_
I got a good laugh out of some of those thoughts. As I was placing it in the trash unopened, it occurred to me: “This bottle made me laugh. Technically, it ‘sparked joy’. Does that mean I should keep it?”
In 2020 I’d gotten into the habit of drinking other bottled beverages containing coffee almost every morning (because Starbucks and Peets and other coffee places were shut down for awhile and when they started reopening I waited until I was vaccinated before going in one). All a little healthier, and all of which I’d discovered (well, and the manufacturers invented) while that bottle was gathering dust. So I finally moved the bottle to the top shelf with the others and vowed to make it my coffee drink the next day and finally free up the space.
The next day I was all set to open and drink it when I thought to look for an expiration date. I peered at the tiny lettering (which I swear had shrunk since I’d bought the bottle) and it started out “Best Taste Before…”. A reassuring sign, I thought. At least it doesn’t say “Danger: Discard Immediately After…”. The next line said “S E P 1 1 0 0”. “September, 1100?” I thought. “I don’t think Frappuccinos were even invented then. It was long before Melviille even created the character the company got its name from. Oh, wait: this is from when years only had two digits. This is a non-Y2K compliant coffee. It’s from September 11, 2000! This was bottled in the 20th century and technically expired before the current century began. Also, this is a pre-9/11 coffee and pre-3-1-1. This coffee is so old, if I’d put it in my backpack and taken it on a trip while it was still fresh, I would have been allowed to carry it into the plane to drink. Also, given its current age, this bottle of coffee is actually _old enough to drink!_
I got a good laugh out of some of those thoughts. As I was placing it in the trash unopened, it occurred to me: “This bottle made me laugh. Technically, it ‘sparked joy’. Does that mean I should keep it?”
