I have been lost in thought this evening. It really hit me tonight. Conrad is 10 months old. I never could've imagined my life this way, but I don't regret the decisions I have made.
A big part of these 10 months has been my nursing relationship. I have gone fron being inexperienced and forcing myself to take it feeding by feeding, to looking forward to nursing (it is my only cuddle time these days, after all).
I posted a while back about my budding obsession with cloth menstrual products, and included a picture of my stash (anyone remember?).
For those of you that are interested, the website http://www.gladrags.com/ offers some great products. It is a good website for those of you that want to get into cloth, but are unsure of how to get started.
I think I may have to suck it up and let Kristopher's mom babysit for a half hour on Tuesdays.
Someone please tell me that it isn't possible for her to do something drastically stupid in half an hour's time. It just doesn't make sense for me to drive half an hour to drop Conrad off, only to have his dad come pick him up half an hour later.
Money is tight right now. How tight? We (Kristopher and I)spent $1300 in the past month and a half on car repairs, bills, gas, my siblings, things Conrad needs, and things that we wanted. Now the Tracker needs to be repaired again, but we can't afford it. It isn't something we can fix ourselves. The exhaust pipe rusted through and fell off.
We also need to buy a new car and pay for insurance, so Kris and I can both go to school. As of right now, I have my permit again, so I also need money for the road test and my license.
The biggest problem is that we need a babysitter for when our schedules clash. He wants his mom to babysit, since it would be free, but I refuse. I do not trust that woman, and I won't leave my son with someone I don't trust.
We only have a month to get this all figured out. I hate being poor.
My house is a mess, I need a shower, I'm exhausted, I have drool and spit up all over me, my relationship is strained, I never get any sex, my boobs hurt, and I really would like a few minutes to myself.
Conrad iscurled up in my lap sleeping though, and I couldn't be happier. I love this kid :)
I went and registered for some classes at ACC today. I'm officially a pre-nursing student :). I'm really excited, but this means I'll have to find a babysitter a few hours a week for when Kris is working or our classes overlap. It's only 7 credit hours, but I'm finally doing it.
I feel really good right now, but I'm sad that I'll be spending time away from my little man. This is so bittersweet :(.
